[EattheChildren]

I've been writing a lot of war lyrics recently. Anyway, I'm still practicing with more descriptive language, and this was hopefully a step in the right direction. I hope you enjoy these lyrics, and leave me a comment if you have any advice!



Called to War

The boys have their orders
Their summoned to fight
The siren is screaming
In bloodlust delight
The red phone is ringing
And people are screaming
The president lies and says it's all right

The world goes silent to watch and wait
Preachers claim all can be saved by faith
But they're called to war, there's no one to care
The world's going to burn by apocalyptic affair

The skies turn to red
As the jets roar up high
The children are screaming
And women scream "why"
Has god gone and left them
There's nothing to question
As death rains down from the sky

The world goes silent to watch and wait
Preachers claim all can be saved by faith
But they're called to war, there's no one to care
The world's going to burn by apocalyptic affair

Choked by his fear
It's a young boy's first kill
Commander tells him to move
But he has not the will
The bullets keep screeching
And the wounded keep reaching
But there's no hope for them still

The world goes silent to watch and wait
Preachers claim all can be saved by faith
But they're called to war, there's no one to care
The world's going to burn by apocalyptic affair

They drop the bomb cause they're called to war
Death's greedy hand grabs and cries for more
There's no hope now the apocalypse is here
The world will be drowned in darkness and fear

The world goes silent to watch and wait
Preachers claim all can be saved by faith
But they're called to war, there's no one to care
The world's going to burn by apocalyptic affair



So, this song is about a fictitious war which brings about a nuclear apocalypse. I'm considering writing a concept album about nuclear armageddon and using this as the introduction. Anyway, this song isn't perfect lyrically. To me, there were lines that felt a bit strange, and I'm going to try to reword them. The song will probably lean more to the heavy metal genre, like most of my war songs. Anyway, if you enjoyed these lyrics or have any comments, please let me know!

[shortwhat]

This is really very good! At first I was finding it a little bit hard to interest myself in it however everything after the 'Choked by the fear' line is all gold! Great unconventional rhyming in some parts then leading to the classic AA BB sequence, all I think you could do to improve this is maybe with the first verse introduce some lines similar to what you've got near the end to really hook a reader/listener in. Other than that this is some of the best stuff I've read in a while    

[JonnyD]

This is much better than the first war song you put up here in my opinion - more multisensory and you can really feel the chaos.

My only suggestion would be to watch your repetition - the word 'screaming' was used a little to much for my liking.

Other than that small quibble good work!

[Gallowglass]

I didn't really like the lyrics because I felt they were too generic. Many turns of phrase in this are quite common tropes, it would have been nice to see some original spin put on them. However I did really like the rhyme scheme of the verses. I could feel the energy flowing through them, the second one in particular, and that's what you need in this kind of song.

The 'apocalyptic affair' segment ruined what would otherwise have been a great chorus for me as 'affair' saps all the visions of impending doom that 'apocalyptic' gives us; it's a one-word anti-climax. But this was still a great write, and I'd love to read more from you

[benjo]

 hey

 I agree with most of what has already been said

 but I do think its a good write for the dramatic way its been done
 some parts really caught my mind and painted a good picture
 but other parts left me a little disappointed
 I thought it flowed quite well and over all I would like to hear music put to it
 because I think that could give it that big impact 

[mickeytwonames]

The trouble with war as a theme is that it is such a part of the human condition it's a bit like railing against the wind. Barry Maguire's 'Eve of destruction' is IMHO the best. There was a hot conscript war (Vietnam) and the Cold War was a warm as it could get.

[Jess]

I liked these- I mean obviously war is very sad- but I like your lyrics. My only concern is putting them to melody AND making them commercial, may be very difficult?

[Peppermint]

These lyrics aren't too bad at all,
Yes they maybe a little generic but it tells the story of war etc which was the point of the song.

As for putting it too a melody it shouldn't be too hard i had a quick go at making a melody for the first verse and it sounded okay so if someone else was to put a melody to this they shouldn't have to much of a problem.

Not a bad write overall 

[EattheChildren]

I didn't really like the lyrics because I felt they were too generic. Many turns of phrase in this are quite common tropes, it would have been nice to see some original spin put on them. However I did really like the rhyme scheme of the verses. I could feel the energy flowing through them, the second one in particular, and that's what you need in this kind of song.

The 'apocalyptic affair' segment ruined what would otherwise have been a great chorus for me as 'affair' saps all the visions of impending doom that 'apocalyptic' gives us; it's a one-word anti-climax. But this was still a great write, and I'd love to read more from you

Thanks for the comment, Gallow! I actually think I'm going to change the word 'affair' to 'despair' so that the negative, hopeless connotation remains. My only qualm with this is that it may not make sense, per se.



And thanks to all of you for your comments It really means a lot

[Paulski]

I think this is better than your first war song - it was a bit too flippant IMO. This one has some better imagery in it and more sensory info. Here are a few comments on improving - keep or chuck:

The first 2 lines and the phrase "apocalyptic affair" seemed trite to me compared to the rest.

The "world goes silent" phrase in the chorus seems to contradict what's happening in the verses.

"But they're called to war" in the chorus sounds like it refers to the preachers but I don't think that was your intention.

"There's nothing to question" seems out of place. Death is raining (that's a good line)  - but they don't question what's happening?

I think you still have work to do on this - but it could be a metal gem!
Paul

[bootlegbeatnik]

all looks quite good, be interested to hear what it's like to some music but one thing i'd say is the language seems a bit put-on as if you aren't writing in your own voice if you know what i mean.

"The world's going to burn by apocalyptic affair" - great ideas in this line as well, given that it's one of the most prominent lines in the song it could maybe use a bit of variation or re-wording but as you said that's something you're going to do. looking forward to the revised version!

[EattheChildren]

Thanks for the comments, Paulski and Bootleg. Like I said, I'm actually rewording this song a lot. It's something I intended to pitch to my band soon, and it's my first priority right now. So I'll keep you all posted on what we come up with!

[Hugozhor]

I didn't really like the lyrics because I felt they were too generic. Many turns of phrase in this are quite common tropes, it would have been nice to see some original spin put on them. However I did really like the rhyme scheme of the verses. I could feel the energy flowing through them, the second one in particular, and that's what you need in this kind of song.

I agree with Gallowglass. It was quite difficult to find an interest in these lyrics because they are too generic like some documentary. I feel emotions are missing in it. I think you should write it in "I" form to describe more feelings.

On the other hand the rhymes and melody seem to be great!
Great one. Carry on and you're gonna get better with every other lyrics

[hardtwistmusic]

It's my opinion that the "emotion" for this can come with the vocal melody, vocal treatment, and arrangement. 

One thing struck me as I read it.  I find that often questions are far more powerful than statements. 

I saw a few places where I felt the lyric would have gotten far more powerful if it asked a question instead of making a statement. 

The most obvious of these was the "there is no hope" statement.  That actually (imo) gets more powerful if the lyric asks "is there no hope?"   

That "question instead of statement approach" could work in several more places also. 

Just a suggestion.

[tyler71771]

I think someone already mentioned this, but just agree with them, I think there is a bit of an over usage of the word 'screaming.' Other than that and a few contradictory lines, I thought it was great