Still all smells like her!!!

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zare09

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« on: January 31, 2014, 11:13:32 AM »
Don't ask me anything tonight
just let me stay mute.
This night I need peace.

The old wounds hurts again and
my fights still goes on.
Baby, you've got nothing with it.

From your source, my soul sometimes gets poisoned
still crying for your touch.

Baby, please help me find the hope,
where the hell i need to go

Days goes on by me followed
and I still think of you.

Now I'am looking for comeback,
wallking throught your little steps
so quite like you're here.

[chorus] x 2
and every days that will come
still all smells like her
after nights, nights without dreams
I'll count for hundred years, but i'll still wait you here
baby, there no other love!!!
and in my heart there's still her poison
that's still too much
But i love you just to don't get mad
all the night and all the days.

Now I'am looking for comeback,
wallking throught your little steps
so quite like you're here

[chorus] x 2
and every days that will come
still all smells like her
after nights, nights without dreams
I'll count for hundred years, but i'll still wait you here
baby, there no other love!!!
and in my heart there's still her poison
that's still too much
But i love you just to don't get mad
all the night and all the days.




Please feedback :)






S.T.C

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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2014, 12:35:04 PM »
English isn`t your first language by the looks of it? but it looks not bad at first glance..depends how it`s performed i guess. :)

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2014, 05:51:28 AM »
Below are some suggestions for making this more "friendly sounding" to English (or American) ears.  Additions are shown in Parenthesis and underlined.  If I delete something, I'll denote it with parentheses.  If I move a word or two around, I'll just underline the changed line.


Don't ask me anything tonight
just let me stay mute.
This night I need peace.

The old wounds hurts again and
my fights still goes on.
Baby, you've got nothing (to do) with it.

From your source,
(sometimes) my soul (feels) poisoned
still crying for your touch.

Baby, please help me find the hope,
where (in)the hell (do) i need to go

Days flow by me
and I still think of you.

Now I'm looking for (a) comeback,
jumping through() your little (hoops)
almost as if you were (still) here.

[chorus] x 2
and every (new) day that will come
will all still smell like you  (The rest of the song is about "you" this line should be too.)
night after night without dreams
I'll count for a hundred years,
and i'll still wait here(for) you.

Baby, there (will be) no other love!!!
in my heart there's still your poison
that's still an overdose,

Please don't get angry
I still love you,
every night and every day.

Now I'm looking for (a) comeback,
jumping through() your little (hoops)
almost as if you were (still) here.

[chorus] x 2
and every (new) day that will come
will all still smell like you  
night after night without dreams
I'll count for a hundred years,
and i'll still wait here (for) you.

Baby, there (will be) no other love!!!
and in my heart there's still your poison
that's still an overdose,



Please feedback :)


I tried not to change any of your meanings or tones, just tried to say this in ways our "English as a first language" ears are accustomed to hearing it.  If you like any (or all) of it, keep it with my blessing.  Ignore any parts that you don't like.

I Hope I've been of some help.



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« Last Edit: February 01, 2014, 05:54:34 AM by hardtwistmusic »
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

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Thomas Frederick

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« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2014, 09:18:44 AM »
Really like this, one, despite all the clumsy phrasings (which might be the language barrier or w/e)
I do actually think it brings the song a bit of charm, makes it seems more relatable to me personally.
But you won't go far wrong if you take hardtwistmusic's suggestions into account.

Really like the theme of the lyric and the general structure,
The chorus fits perfectly with the song which is crucial, and it is a good chorus to me.

I do like the reference to poison in that one (or is it two?) lines, I think if you played on more of that throughout the song, it would be even better!
Though then again that would be changing the entire theme, so do what you wish! :D

Hope to see more :)