[flossie]

Hiya!

https://soundcloud.com/hewood29/summer-falling-rough-demo

I wrote this last summer and haven't finished it but I thought as I hadn't posted for a while I might upload and get some opinions before I finish it.

Can't play guitar so guitar is sampled and it's a live recording so dodgy vocals aside is it too fast/boring etc

It's very simple and I wondered if it needs a middle eight or whether it's okay that it just ambles along.  All critique welcome 

[hardtwistmusic]

Here is my first impression.  I could easily change my mind on further listens, but this was my first thought. 

Listening to the lead-in I felt the accompaniment had a great deal of "gravity" to it.... a sense that it's about something deep, important, and serious.

When the lyric began, and I realized it's "just another song about being dumped," I was disappointed. 

Now, I didn't have a lyric sheet to help me make sense of the story, and once I get a sense of all the lyrics, that might dissipate. 

But it's my opinion that this music demands a more serious subject.  Not that abandonment isn't serious to the person being abandoned.... but this accompaniment created an expectation that it would be something deep and important for all of us, not just personal for the narrator/singer.

Again... familiarity (and a lyric sheet) might make that initial observation seem silly to me in the future... but that was my first impression.

Hope that helps.

[AndyJ]

That's certainly a song that can catch a listener's attention - and it definitely did catch mine. The vibe actually reminded me of one of my favourite albums, Linda Perry's "In Flight". But that's just on a sidenote ...

There is potential, but work on this song isn't done. The thing I'm missing is a climax. The song isn't heading anywhere, it seems, always searching for a chorus without actually finding it. Something is missing ... but the basic song is really beautiful.

[Neil C]

Good title. Like the easy groove over the two chords.
I agree with the previous comment for me I wanted some musical/melodic variation after say the 2 minute mark. So if its in D and Em I'd take it to A for a while before coming back to the main section. Just a thought.
I was thinking a bit of Joss Stone perhaps?

Neil  

[ShinyThang]

Wow Flossie, This is quite an unusual thing for you! I mean such a raw recording and obviously very early vocal take. You usually serve things up 'ready for radio'.

My thoughts were;

- It is a touch too fast
- There's too much vocal

I'd say this kind of thing can work without putting any kind of lift in anywhere because you can just drift along with it. But for me it would need to be a bit slower for that to work. The vocal seems to just go on and on when it could easily come and go leaving long gaps for music. I'd like to hear a nice, clean, mellow electric guitar in place of the banjo too but that's just me .

Funny, I thought that first line was 'My Baby left me' too. But that would be Blues.

 

[dnafe]

I agree with ShinyThang in that it could be slowed down a tad.

A middle eight or a space for a solo would be nice. Maybe just use it to introduce the banjo?

As for ways to improve your recording here's a hint: when you think you have enough reverb, turn it down 25% also don't be afraid to pan some instruments left and right...by doing that you'll open up some space for the vocals.

Now all that said, I like the song. I like your voice and with a bit more rehearsal you'll really nail it.

Nice job!

[flossie]

@hardtwist Hi thanks for commenting, It's just about being in love I suppose.  That's really the only subject I write about!  I have to confess that lyric writing is not my strong point and is something I need to develop.  It's great to have some feedback on the lyrics rather than the music, both are equally important so I will bear what you have said in mind when I revisit this! 

@andy  Thanks for the feedback, I think you're right.  I like the vibe of it but it does just wander around with no direction!  I want to keep that laid back feel but add something more....thanks for  comparing it to Linda Perry btw 

@neil  Thanks for the direction I'm gonna try that!!! I think I want it to sound soulful so that's good 

@shiny  I know it's rough, but that's how all my songs start. This one got processed a bit just cos I was getting ideas together, I agree more guitar and slow it down, that's a good place to start.  I was just imaging sitting outside with a nice summery drink just watching the world go by with a gentle breeze that's what I want to evoke!!!

@dnafe A middle eight and a solo then! This was just a fiddle around put down my ideas sort of take!  But I do confess that I overdo the reverb even when it's not!

[orten]

You have a good singing voice and I love the backing, especially that understated piano, it has depth and builds up a great sense of expectation. It's been buzzing in my brain all day. I just wish I could hear more of the beautiful piano.

[Jamie]

Hi,
     It's unusual to hear a 'rough' recording from you! But it was enough to get a good feel for what it could be. Early on I felt there was a bit of a John Lennon vibe to it, (I think that was largely due to the chord structure, but partly too the melody, not a criticism)but that seemed to dissipate. Liked the melody all the way through, I didn't necessarily feel it needed a lift or a middle 8 because the quality of the melody and your vocal sustained it enough for me. But a lift or a mid. 8 wouldn't be a mistake, done properly it could enhance the song.
Will be great when it's finished.
Cheers
Jamie

[Lane1777]

hi Flossie, I don`t know what to say, I think the song stands up just the way it is, clean it up some and let it fly. I think the timing on it is right so its not boring. I couldn`t find the lyric, I liked the vocal, and I don`t like love songs..

[richmon]

Lots of potential but it ends up looping. It definitely needs chorus / bridge. Vocals tend to overpower. Some space and instrumental break. Has lots of potential and like the vocal.

Cheers

Richard

[flossie]

@orten Thanks! 

@Jamie I did one take and then just added effects it sounded even rougher before  !!!  I wanted to get some direction at a raw stage for a change!  Thanks for the advice

@Lane1777  Ha! A convert to love songs   I think I will definitely clean it up and probs add m8 and resubmit!!!

@richmon  I agree bout the looping and I think I will try the instrumental and m8 and go on to the finished songs department.

Thanks everyone for the advice
x

[Stylus]

Hi Flossie
              I like this  & possibly  a little less reverb  would  make the vocals sound nicer than they already are. I think too much polish is not so good:) I love the banjo sounds brill  & the easy going chord structure  works really well  &  yes an eccentric  guitar  a 3rd of the way through  may lift this
further... but without the guitar being  typical. 
                     You  already know that I think you are a talented vocalist &  I enjoyed this track i've got  a few thingz on my plate  But if you ever need  some guitar......My hands are yourz! 


                                                    R'gardz   Stylus

[diademgrove]

Hi Flossie,

I really like the vocal but the backing is far too busy for me. It may be my speakers but the bass/bass drum is a bit overwhelming. I would like to hear it with just the piano and a lighter bass and drum sound. I thought the banjo didn't really add anything to the song, sorry.

Please ignore me if you disagree.

diadem

[flossie]

@Stylus I love the banjo in this too!  Sorry diademgrove!  I really must record this properly and use all these lovely hints and tips! I think as you suggest diademgrove I will keep it simple though!

thanks for the advice all!