[joeblack]

Hi all
I wrote some lyrics (amomaxia just for fun ) and posted them on here about 18 months ago and the feedback I got was exactly what I expected I don't play an instrument and don't put any kind of melody to what I write so don't know if the words would flow to music. please don't slate me if I don't give feedback to other songs I do read a lot of them and enjoy doing so. Anyhow I think I'm going on a bit now so here is my latest effort
Thank's



Your momma don’t like me

I wanna stay at home
With you on my own
When all you wanna do is hit the town
Folks call me sad now aint that bad
And all you ever do is put me down

And
Your momma don’t like me
Your daddy don’t like me
Your brothers don’t like me too
Your sister don’t like me
Your uncle don’t like me
So this is what I’m gonna do


I’m gonna mess around
I wont let you down
I’ll do all the thing’s you want me to
Stay out all night now that aint right
But that’s another thing I’m gonna do

Cos

Your momma don’t like me
Your daddy don’t like me
Your brothers don’t like me too
Your sister don’t like me
Your uncle don’t like me
And you aint gonna like me too


They’ll see a change in me
Just you wait and see
They won’t recognise your loving wife
Cos I’ll be bad now aint that sad
And all you’ll have is trouble and strife

And
Your momma won’t like me
Your daddy won’t like me
Your brothers won’t like me too
Your sister won’t like me
Your uncle won’t like me
And you’ll regret you said I do

[hardtwistmusic]

I'm glad you told us you listen/read even when you don't post.  LISTENING and/or reading of other's work is really what this is all about. 

You are right to be a little concerned that this might not "flow well" but it would take music with only very minor revisions. 

The chorus is the lyric's strength AND it's weakness.  It's a strength because it's so simple.  It's a weakness because it's so simple.  Sounds confusing, but all it really means is that it requires just the right music to make it a strength. 

Please keep posting... and do explain that you are a LISTENING presence even when you don't post. 

I'll watch for your lyrics.

[beckylucythomas]

Why don't you give feedback?

Listening is fine, but it doesn't really help anyone, including you... I think most people here would say that in terms of developing their songwriting skills, they get at least as much out of giving feedback as they do from receiving it. Plus you might find all sorts of opportunities to work with people will come your way that never would have otherwise.

If you don't give anything back why should people review your stuff?

Get involved!..... If you do you'll get so much more out of it.

[hardtwistmusic]

Why don't you give feedback?

Listening is fine, but it doesn't really help anyone, including you... I think most people here would say that in terms of developing their songwriting skills, they get at least as much out of giving feedback as they do from receiving it. Plus you might find all sorts of opportunities to work with people will come your way that never would have otherwise.

If you don't give anything back why should people review your stuff?

Get involved!..... If you do you'll get so much more out of it.

I seldom disagree with you.  The one thing I disagree with is "Listening is fine, but it doesn't really help anyone, including you." 

I'm a bigger fan of "listening" than of commenting.  On my reverbnation site, I get feedback, comments, and I can track listens.  I get all kinds of comments there from people who have not listened.  What they are looking for is to "trade likes."  But (since they haven't listened) they cannot "like." 

The one thing I get excited about is not the comments (on that reverbnation site) it is the LISTENS.  LISTENS tells me whether someone (on that site) actually liked my music, while the comments (on that site) are often meaningless. 

I TRUST the comments here.  But I've been on two forums in which you could NOT trust the comments.  THIS is a special place.  It might be hard for people here to appreciate just HOW special this forum is.  It is a place of honesty and trust that is very rare, especially on the internet.

I'm impressed that Joe listens.  While there is no LOGICAL reason not to post here, there are still reasons. 

Joe.... I hope that you will eventually get to the point where you feel comfortable posting here in addition to listening.  For now.... I (speaking for no one but myself) am completely comfortable with the "listening only" arrangement.

There are people (even here) who post, and speak, but don't do any listening.  There are people (even here) who speak without listening.  Not many of them, and they tend to come and go.  But there will always be some.

As long as you (Joe) are listening, I hope you will stay.  Listening is where it all starts. As I said, I hope that you will eventually move up a notch and start posting.  To improve as a songwriter, we all have to expand our comfort zones.  But I support you in waiting until you are ready to take that step. 

Verlon Gates  (HardTwistMusic).

[beckylucythomas]

Hey hardtwist!

You talk sense!    You're very thoughtful in everything you say on here. And I agree with you too (more often than not  )

You're probably right that my statement isn't quite true... Sounds like i was saying that listening doesn't help the listener... Of course it does. But listening critically in order to leave a meaningful comment, helps more (not suggesting i always practise what i preach...but i try to as much as possible...!)

I don't really agree that someone just listening and not commenting helps the writer of the song/lyrics though, just because they got a listen to add to their stats. The listener might have loved it, hated it or been completely indifferent to it. If they don't tell you, you'll never know. And then there's nothing you can use to help you improve.

Plus, i reckon it's definitely the case that the more feedback you give, the more you get. I don't believe in trading likes for likes or comments for comments or anything like that, but it stands to reason that if you leave little feedback, you will receive little feedback.

Verlon, you love this forum - same as i do... The reason we love it is that we get involved.

...just a few of the hundreds of reasons why i think getting properly involved in this forum is one of the best things a new songwriter can do....

Joe, i hope you'll stick around too. It's just a bit of friendly advice...... It's that universal rule - the more you put in, the more you get out.

And just to get back to your lyrics.... The idea is good and original and i enjoyed that. They're a bit too simple to really grab me as lyrics on a page, but, as HTM said, with the right music they could really find their groove. I think they would work well with music with a bit of a vibe of Jace Everett "Bad Things". I'm not mad on the wife/trouble and strife rhyme - it's a bit cliche - but again, with some great music and/or a great performance it could work ok.