[Jamie]

Hello all,
              Been v busy for last month, so haven't been working on anything musically or reviewing any stuff, apologies, I'll try to catch up .

This a new song hot off the press written and recorded by me in the last few days. A sort of ballad featuring, piano, strings, my vocals, bass, guitar and drums. All feedback welcome.

The idea is really a re-imagining of the blues. Man has religion, someone or something makes him change path, leads a feckless , petty criminal life and on his death bed he rolls the dice for the last time, repents and asks for redemption.

https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/just-a-man-1

Just a man

I once had religion and it played out a game
The good lord Jesus forgot me again
Tried to wreck my life it'll never be the same again
trying to get away to escape the pain

I know now I've been wrong
Hell is coming and heaven can wait
I've tried my best I want to be free
Kingdom come Jesus wont you save me

Chorus
Now it's time for me to go
I've done the best I can
It wasn't enough, I'm done I'm through
What can I say I'm just a man

I shook the tree and tolled the bell
I stole my freedom whilst the leaves they fell
There's nothing I can do now no
Pick up the dice for one last throw

Chorus


I've ridden many miles and now I'm old
I've spent the silver and squandered the gold
Now I'm on my knees and I'm dying
Looking through the bars and I'm praying

Chorus

[adamholden]

This is interesting but not wholly successful for me. Having read the lyrics, the music was not what I expected. The music is fine, but you need a tighter rhythm in the lyrics. The simple aabb form of the verse music - and the repetitive feel- needs the lyrics to feel inevitable.

The first line of V2 feels too short, but "I shook the tree and tolled the bell" is just right. For me this song needs the lyrics to add in terms of feel as well as sense. If that makes sense!

But some good music and nice idea for a song. Needs another dimension though.

Cheers Adam

[montydog]

This started out well with a lovely piano introduction and your playing throughout is superb but I think it wandered a little without too much focus. I think it's a grower but the immediate impression is a little underwhelming from a melodic point of view. I think it needs more melodic variation and if I'm being brutally honest I thought the lyrics were a bit safe. Great vocal though and the mix is fine - it needs more imagination in the arrangement I think. Overall though, I enjoyed it.

[Jamie]

Hi Adam and Alan, thanks for taking the time to comment!

Adam, you're comments (and comments of others on this site) seem to point out a lack of rhythm in my lyrics, and I can accept this, as lyrics are the hardest thing for me to write. But I struggle to know how to remedy it, as I cannot see it when I compare my writing to others. Maybe it's just that I cannot be objective

Alan,I hope you are right that it is a grower because that's how it feels to me thanks for the comments on the playing. The lyrical comment about being safe is probably fair too, as I was trying to ( as I said in the introduction for the song) create a blues based lyric, but not a ' woke up this morning' version. Man starts life ok ,something, we don't know what sends him on another path, he realises later that he needs redemption. It's an old story but will always be told, I was trying to take another slant on that type of lyric and turn it into a ballad.

Again guys thanks for the feedback it's appreciated
Cheers
 Jamie

[digger72]

Hi Jamie,

I get what the others are saying about the track wandering a little, but i wouldn't abandon that idea totally - it adds to the character of searching for something. I agree though, may be a more focused rhythm to the lyric to strengthen the hook of the vocal. I find this style of song it is hard to remember the melody - but then that's the holy grail i suppose - finding that melody that sticks in the head.
I was hearing a Macca style ballad.
Some nice vocals and music though.

Cheers,

Digger

[Neil C]

Jamie, good intro. 
I like the cyclical nature of the chord sequences and the chorus - a touch of Thomas Dolby in there.
Perhaps a touch long but right to finnish on the chorus.
Interesting stereo fx on the piano too. Nicely produced.
Distinctly you.
 
Neil

[tina m]

jamie i never realise how much you sound like jon anderson!
& the song was in the style of todd rundgren who is fabulous & i realy liked it!

to be critical i thought the vocal was a tiny bit weak & was a bit to high for you? & the chorus needed to be much bigger to make the song brilliant....but big choruses are something we all want arent they

i was waiting for a solo & got one ...& i wished it had gone on longer
the piano playing was excellent & the strings were nice
 

[Jamie]

Hello all, and thanks for the feedback, as always it's appreciated

Digger, glad you liked the musical package, coming from you that is a positive! I guess I am so familiar with my songs that i don't get the comments about the rhythm of the lyric etc, and even listening back to it I still don't understand, I know it's not completely symmetrical but how many lyrics are? Maybe there will be a eureka moment and I will become Paul Simon

Neil, pleased you liked the sound, that's positive coming from you! The chorus was the first thing to come in this song, and I really liked it. I've done circular before and I think it's really effective. 'Distinctly me' is that good or bad?

Tina, I was sure you'd pan this as there aren't enough guitars in it . So really glad you liked it. After I recorded it I thought of Jon and Vangelis too. Also you've mentioned Todd before when reviewing my stuff, I must listen to him some more.glad you liked the instrumentation and playing

Thanks again
Cheers
Jamie

[hardtwistmusic]

I've liked everything I've heard from you, and this one is my favorite of them all.  It's been a good day of listening.  Heard one other "best of" from another artist during this listening session too. 

I can hear the "Todd Rundgren" thing..... but it's not, in any way, a distraction or derivative. Just a style.

[ShinyThang]

I wrote out a really long review of this and then scrapped it cos I was rambling.  Bottom line was I liked the music but found very little in the lyric to get excited about.

Also check out the theme tune to BBCs production of Polikov's 'shooting the past' the opening phrases of your song catapulted it back into my mind.

[Jamie]

Hi guys thanks for the feedback, it's appreciated.

Hi HTM, glad you like my stuff, it's always good to hear it, it makes all  the hours spent worthwhile.thanks

Hi ST, glad you like the music. I can never tell when I've got a good or a bad lyric it must be a sort of meaning blindness. Hopefully it will come to me someday
Don't know the piece of music you refer to but will look it up.

Thanks again
Cheers
Jamie

[Boydie]

I thought this was a lovely and ambitious track, which I must say I enjoyed

Adam, you're comments (and comments of others on this site) seem to point out a lack of rhythm in my lyrics, and I can accept this, as lyrics are the hardest thing for me to write. But I struggle to know how to remedy it, as I cannot see it when I compare my writing to others. Maybe it's just that I cannot be objective

I think I can offer some advice here...

You tend to "sing to the chords" - ie, you play a chord, sing over it, stop, play another chord, sing over it etc.

I think you would instantly add more interest to your melodies if you "mix it up" a bit and sing ACROSS the chords with some longer passages to intertwine your chords & melody a little more

Another useful approach is to concentrate on CONTRASTs - ie if you have long flowing lines in your verses then think about shorter lines for the chorus (or vice versa)

It will all come together for you and as long as you are turning out ambitious efforts like this then you will improve VERY quickly

Perhaps you could try recording some "block chords" on piano and then rely on just your vocal melody and lyrics to provide the rest - this will force you to develop contrasting sections for chorus, verse, bridge etc.

Just a thought - but I really enjoyed the song

[Jamie]

Hi Boydie,
                Thanks for your thoughts and comments regarding this song. I'm delighted you liked it and the ambition to create something.I hear your comments about contrasts and singing across the chord structures, let's see if I can make something of them. I do tend to write chord structures first then melodies and maybe this is an element of the what people hear when they comment on it.
Thanks for taking the time to put this together, your advice is welcome!
Cheers
Jamie

[AmirMaor]

really like the piano, the singing is less my style, but sound good

[Jamie]

Hi,
    Glad you liked the overall sound, even if the singing wasn't for you. Not much I can do about that I guess . Thanks for listening and commenting.
Cheers
Jamie