[Tyler Hancock]

This is the full demo version of the first song I've finished in a few years, written and produced by myself. By "finished", I mean completed the entire arrangement for. I still want to re-record parts of the vocals (especially the first and second verse) and will hopefully be able to EQ everything better. Any feedback would be much appreciated

[Verse 1]
You've got that kind of touch
That makes me want more
The way you make me feel
I've never felt before
Tonight I'm young and strong
Don't hold back your power
Tonight the sky's the limit
And the world is ours

[Pre-Chorus]
It's alright if you fall for me
Hold onto the mystery
Or look beyond that vanity

[Chorus]
I could be your drug, baby
I could make you high
You could be my murderer
Yeah, killin' all my time
We could make it feel like heaven
When it's just you and I
So let me be your heaven, baby
Let me be your heaven

[Verse 2]
Come take my body
Like I'm good medication
I've got that paradise sweet intoxication
You want to step into forbidden unknown
Don't be afraid 'cause you won't go it alone

[Pre-Chorus]
It's alright if you want to see
Everything that I could be
Live out every fantasy

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
'Cause I could make you fall in love with me
It could be just a matter of time, oh
I could make you fall in love with me
But I'll let you take the lead
I know you want to be free

[Chorus]

Let me be your heaven
Let me be your heaven
Let me be your heaven
Let me be your heaven

[andy5544]

Sounding very good , not sure about the murderer line , it does seem a bit odd and distracting in there.
Apart from that ... nice   

[hardtwistmusic]

1.  The "murder" line is confusing and I never did figure it out. 

2.  I hate autotune, and it was thus hard for me to objectively listen.  When I did objectively listen, I concluded that this is a REALLY good song.  I would love to listen to it sung naturally.

[Stylus]

Very much  now music & it has all the ingredients for the current market....I would  go up a touch on tempo  as it seems a couple of bpms short of the right feel. The vocals & music is good & a little polish
would enhance this further.
                                                        Thanx'z 4 share            Stylus

 

[Tyler Hancock]

Sounding very good , not sure about the murderer line , it does seem a bit odd and distracting in there.
Apart from that ... nice   

1.  The "murder" line is confusing and I never did figure it out. 

2.  I hate autotune, and it was thus hard for me to objectively listen.  When I did objectively listen, I concluded that this is a REALLY good song.  I would love to listen to it sung naturally.

Thanks for all of your input, guys! Interesting that the "murderer" line is not being received very well. The idea of something/someone you want being your ultimate downfall is essential to my story of "Heaven".

So, saying "You could be my murderer" is very appealing to me in the sense that I'm sort of saying, "I'll take your love even if it kills me."

When I first started writing the song, I considered saying it this way:
"You could be my murderer; love me 'till I die."

What are your thoughts on that?

Also, when I record the new vocals, I intend to let them sound much more natural. I used harsh pitch correction in this version mostly to lock in the notes I would be singing for future recording sessions.

[Tyler Hancock]

Very much  now music & it has all the ingredients for the current market....I would  go up a touch on tempo  as it seems a couple of bpms short of the right feel. The vocals & music is good & a little polish
would enhance this further.
                                                        Thanx'z 4 share            Stylus

 

And thank you, Stylus! Good tip about the tempo, I will try upping the BPM a bit on the track and hear how I like it. Although I have several years of self-taught experience producing beats, I still struggle a lot with EQ-ing everything to fit in the mix perfectly and when I start obsessing over those technicalities, it sucks away my creative energy for the song as a whole when I start realizing my "mastered" version is sounding worse than my rough version. haha Anyway, I will be recording new vocals soon and taking another shot at polishing the music. Thanks again for the feedback.

[tokenangmoh]

Hi Tyy,

This is so far from my style of music that I have nothing sensible to say except that yes, I much prefer "You could be my murderer; love me 'till I die."

Matt

[diademgrove]

Hi Tyy,

I liked the song. Felt the chorus should have been bigger though, it didn't really take my breathe away and it should have done. Maybe a little messing with the volume. Down a touch for the verses/pre/bridge and up a touch for the chorus.

I like you can be my murderer, but not keen on either love me till I die or killin' all my time. I fancy something a bit less clear about what you mean. For example, "yeah, take me in your arms"

If you disagree no problem, as you'll discover I have weird tastes.

diadem

[AndyJ]

Solid, modern pop song. Really like it, sounds professional already. And gotta admit: The murderer line is a highlight to me. It's a specal line that people will notice, it will stay in their heads - plus it sounds really good. Don't get rid of this line unless you want to the song to become more average. It's lines like these that can make a song stand out from the huge number of pop songs with completely meaningless uninspired lyrics these days.

Basically, you already got there all by yourself, I think. Don't over-produce the song. And yes, I also like the chorus like it is, I like the atmosphere it creates. Sometimes less is more.

[hardtwistmusic]

Sounding very good , not sure about the murderer line , it does seem a bit odd and distracting in there.
Apart from that ... nice   

When I first started writing the song, I considered saying it this way:
"You could be my murderer; love me 'till I die."

What are your thoughts on that?

It would sound meaningful to me if it were "As though you were my murderer" -- followed by either "love me til I die" or the line you currently have.  It would then say TO ME (not necessarily anyone else) what you are trying to convey.