[onemanband]

I posted this earlier in the lyrics sections, I've now done a very rough recording of it. Since the rhythm is quite irregular. So I thought it would be better to let people hear it.

Let me know what you think, I realise its very rough so any criticism is valid... Have at it.

https://soundcloud.com/brendanlawless/working-class-love-affair


Working Class Love Affair

when circumstance dictated are parting
and you left for pastures new
with my brave faced blessings, you departed
what else could I do

In council we settled to “keep in touch”
not in the tactile sense
I realise now, the odd
salutation by text is what that really meant

when you went, I took to reading
some old books that you left behind
 lust  fueled romantic novels
they weaved pictures of you in my mind

And the distance the years put between us
we could make it all up in one day
but I've no way to  bring you back now
I've only the thoughts of yesterday
only the thoughts of yesterday

a mutual friend has since told me in passing
 you're doing quite well for yourself
 moving in higher circles now
improving the hand you were dealt

He said you've stopped dropping your aitches
and you claim to not be working class
you're only reading the classics
and you now think pop fiction is crass

He asked me “how I was doing?”
I conjured a lie, to save face
in a failed attempt to convince him
his sympathy was being miss-placed

and the distance the year's put between us
we could make it all up in one day
but I've no way to  bring you back now
I've only the thoughts of yesterday

and the distance the year's put between us
we could make it all up in one day
 I've no way to  bring you back now
but I'd do it all over again
I'd do it all over again

[/b]

[adamholden]

Really got something promising here. I like the chorus. For me you'd need to smooth out the meter in the verse. I think you could do that without losing the sense etc. I'll have another listen anon though. Singing is good too.

Adam

[diademgrove]

I can see how the words fit with the rhythm, the singing is really good and reminds me of Billy Bragg. The song is completely different from what I envisaged when I read the lyrics.

The impression the music gives me is that you're not really bothered about the parting and are quite happy that she's moving in "higher circles". It sounds like you're saying what you think she wants to hear.

Just my views on a couple of listens, feel free to ignore me if you disagree.

diadem

[beckylucythomas]

I like this a lot. A bit of Billy Bragg, a bit of Ralph McTell.

Really good lyrics, make a really well thought out story.

Is there something funny going on in the chorus with the BVs?... They don't seem to be quite agreeing with the main vocals?...

Nice though, very nice!

[hardtwistmusic]

Brendan, I really loved this one.  The lyric didn't initially reach out and grab me, but when combined with the music, it was really good.  Very meaningful, without being oppressively deep. 

I think this is an incredible song. 

[onemanband]

Thanks fo the responses everyone I'm glad it has been well received on the whole.

Verlon,
         Glad you liked it, I seem to be writing alot of songs latley that don't really translate until they are set to tmusic. Not sure if thats a good or a bad thing.

Caco,
        There is something very funny going on with the BV's, it was a friend who I managed to coerce into singing he wasn't a totally willing participant. Glad you liked the story though.

Diadem,
          I think the emotion I was trying to get across was that he is now over it, sort of resigend to the fact now.

Adam,
        I have been ironing out that "meter", never even heard of that phrase until I joined this forum.

[man of simple pleasures]

nice i like it, been listening to a bit frank turner recently and reminds me of some of the stuff he does!

[Winter1982]

Hey

I think the way you sing with the Brummy accent coming through really works. It's so difficult to sing in your own accent but you manage it and it really works for the song. It has the feel of a traditional Irish 'sing song' sort of thing, something that everyone in a pub might know when it comes on, a great quality to have in a brand new piece of music. Nice one.

[onemanband]

Man of simple pleasures,

 glad you liked it, I'll have to checkFrank Turner out

Winter,

  I'm chuffed you noticed the irish influence in that, I've been playing alot of the dubliners lately, so that 3/3 rythym is ingrained in my fingers at the moment.

Thanks everuone for feedback, I might start trying to bring this up to a more polished standard now and promote it to the "finished" thread.

[Jeremy]

Hi Oneman,
Great story, great tune, great vocal. Your accent complements the folky atmosphere. The theme of being over a relationship, realising there is not so much that connects you and, yet, the ... I would call it 'homesickness' or 'nostalgia' for the person or the times you shared together gnawing at your bones, is something many can relate to. You put that down nicely in only 2:52.. congrats to you!
Cheers,
Jeremy

[RyanHalsey]

This song has got great potential i think, i enjoyed the lyrics!

I think the backing vocals in the chorus will really work well with some mixing.

I can imagine this really coming to live with some more instrumentation like strings and percussion.

Great Job

Ryan

[Tyler Hancock]

Love this tune! Your voice is great! The only thing I didn't like was your backing vocal behind the '. . .I've no way to bring you back now" line in the chorus, there's just something about the two vocals happening at that tiny part, whether it be the accompanying sound itself you're singing, or just the way you have both vocals at the same volume/EQ, that clash and stop the actual lyric from shining. You did say this is a rough recording though. Very nice song overall! Keep up the good work.
-Tyy