[benjo]

 hi guys

 this is a lyric about a break up and the woman finds it to hard to accept
 she can't get answers and can't understand why or how

                               THANK YOU FOR ANY FEED BACK

 

           CAN'T MOVE ON
            ------ = ------


 put my heart into a letter
 and I sent it off to you
 you wrote you hope that it gets better
 but we are definitely through

 haven't eaten since you left
 only sleeping through the days
 I've never shed so many tears
 in my head I'm the one to blame

 still I can hear your voice
 I can still taste your mouth
 close my eyes I see your face
 what's the point in all that now

 can't move on
 I can't move on
 you took my strength away
 I'm not that strong

 can't move on
 I can't move on
 least you can do is tell me
 where it went so wrong

 can't move on
 I can't move on

 this empty house that I enter
 we shared for so many years
 you took everything I treasured
 packed your bags and disappeared

 the broken heart you've left me
 well it's never gonna heal
 no matter what I say or do
 you won't understand the way it feels

 I'd forgive you in a heartbeat
 i only see my life with you
 so when I push this chair away
 you'll know my love was true

 can't move on
 I can't move on
 you took my strength away
 I'm not that strong

 can't move on
 I can't move on
 least you can do is tell me
 where it went so wrong

 can't move on
 I can't move on

 put my heart into a letter
 and sent it off to you
 you wrote you hope that it gets better
 but we are definitely through

 
 
 © copyright house all rights reserved
 
 
 

 

 

 

[nrand]

You are a very busy, clever writer.
I really like the idea of a heart in a letter -= that says it all, that plus the bit about 'I can still taste your mouth' are really string evocative images.
I expect you will fine tune this in the coming days, and the only thing that really stands out in a troublesome way is the word 'definitely', which I could find difficult to integrate as a singer/composer.
I look forward to seeing more.

[beckylucythomas]

Hey Benjo!

I dont know whether you wrote this with a specific woman in mind, but I can give you a personal perspective on it, as someone who has a tragically deep well of experience of not being able to move on!     

So...all from my personal pov.... I think for me "in my head I'm the one to blame" is too simplistic, too black and white.... In my experience, I'll spend unbelievable amounts of time agonising over who is/was to blame and running through the whole gamut of emotions of wild anger towards the ex, introverted anger, self pity, self doubt, frustration, a sense of inevitability, feeling of having senselessly lost something, and of being lost.... Obviously you can't put all those emotions into one line, but i think if it were me, i would be making that line into a questioning line to hint at the internalised struggle of trying and failing to make sense of something.

I really recognise the line about "the least you can do..." etc... I think there's a real sense of "you owe it to me to make me feel better by making me understand (and if you won't/can't do that then I'm gonna make you feel as bad as i do by making sure you have to confront what you've done to me)"...

I also recognise the bit about taking away what she treasured....and add to that a sense of disbelief that he didn't also treasure it like she did....

I think the line about "no matter what i say or do, you won't understand the way it feels".....to me, that sounds like the mind of someone who is resigned to a situation.... But the mind of a person who can't let go is more likely to be thinking, "i will make you understand how this feels"... somehow someday...

I didn't really understand the line about pushing the chair away..... But then just reading it again it came at me with a bit of a jolt...... Do you mean she's hanging herself??..... If so....wowsers! No prisoners hey?! That's bleak!!

I really really like what you've done with this. The things i mentioned above are obviously a personal take on it that could help to make it ring even more true to me... However another mad crazy lady's perspective could, of course, be completely different again...

Btw I'm not really crazy!!! I just have my moments! 

[beckylucythomas]

Oh ps, i meant to also say... I really love the first/last verse..... Her putting her heart in a letter, like she's actually physically sending him her broken heart so that he can see it....and then his trite and dismissive response.....and i can almost hear her wanting to scream back at him "BUT I PUT MY HEART IN A LETTER!!!!!!!"

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh memories! 

[hardtwistmusic]

I read all the comments. 

Just weighing in.  I'm okay with both "definitely" and "In my head I'm to blame." 

I usually like uncertainty in both places, but in this song I think they both work.  And as I sang it, "definitely" fit perfectly with the tune I easily found.

[nrand]

I read all the comments.  

Just weighing in.  I'm okay with both "definitely" and "In my head I'm to blame."  

I usually like uncertainty in both places, but in this song I think they both work.  And as I sang it, "definitely" fit perfectly with the tune I easily found.

Its [definitely] good there are multiple sets of musical ears around  

[Sing4me88]

There is something about this one that has me really smitten. Very clever concept about a heart in a letter and very well crafted. I love the first and the second verse. Love the lines 'haven't eaten since you left, only sleeping through the days'. Kinda summarises the desperation perfectly. The opening verse really don't waste much time in setting the mood. I think a little tweak here or there to help with the scan maybe in order but apart from that I reckon its hit the mark. Very catchy chorus with a good hook. The only thing that has irked me though is that after crafting such a great lyric you kinda got lazy on the title!!!!! I know its the hook but IMHO the title is a bit bland. I think the last chorus line' Where it went so wrong' dds a bit more oomph to the title and keeps the general integrity of what it is about. But then again what the hell do I know

[onemanband]

Hey Benjo,

I concur with popular opinion, this is a strong set of lyrics.

haven't eaten since you left
 only sleeping through the days

Is very nice, I can almost smell the despair in her lonely room, with a curious sun beam peaking in from between drawn curtains.

The chorus is very strong as well,

 be intrested hearing it set to music. i think if the music can compliment the mood you have set with these lyrics you are onto something here.

[diademgrove]

Hi Tony,

really strong lyrics, loved you took everything I treasured, packed your bags and disappeared. Reminds me a bit of Never Ever.

I would be tempted to put In your head I'm the one to blame, which would reinforce the forgiveness and love was true verse. If you think you were to blame how could you forgive her for walking out?

Just my thoughts please ignore if you disagree,

Keith

[benjo]

 hey thank you

 some really grate feed back on this lyric
 it is a very touchy topic but I wanted to see
 if I could venture down this kind of route
 

 NRAND,        thank you for some lovely comments see i what you mean about
                    the word ( definitely ) it is one of those words it fits or it doesn't
                    thank you again

 CACO,          WOW you really looked in to this one, and I like that
                    I don't believe for one minute you've been through this kind of thing
                    to be honest I just started writing and it rolled,

                    I see what you mean about a woman wanting answers and blaming
                    both parties,
                    but there are plenty of women out there who do just blame themselves

                    the things you say becky are so interesting and made me question
                    a number of things but it only set my mind firm
                    what I mean by that is your right every body is different
                    in the way they deal with things,
                    so for me I want the reader to get what they get from it
                    if it paints a picture in their mind like it did in mine im happy

                    I know how well you read into a story
                    look what you did with that little Christmas tree
                    thanks for your feed back becky always means so much to me
                    coming from you,

            you never know if you get a good enough feel for it,  you would sing this well   
                        ha ha I know i'm cheeky,  but I can get away with it,
                        thanks again becky


                                           
 HTM,    you have took this in well and do have a good understanding
            lovely feed back thank you so much
 

 S4ME88,   I take all your comments on board and thank you for some
                 lovely feed back you always say the right things thank you



 OMB,       thanks mate coming from you that means a lot cheers bud



 KEITH,     i'll consider your suggestions mate, as always grate comments
                cheers bud, 


                             cheers all tony
                           

[Relentlessfish]

Cleverly written with a very very nice flow.

Really enjoyed reading this.

Thanks for sharing. Hope to see more .

[beckylucythomas]

            you never know if you get a good enough feel for it,  you would sing this well   
                        ha ha I know i'm cheeky,  but I can get away with it,
                        thanks again becky

Haaaa well actually Benjo i did have the same thought!....  ....... Cos that's just what my repertoire needs, more depressing heartbreak songs!!  haha!

I've just been musing over a little melody for it. I think it would make a great piano ballad...

I've got a bit too much on for the next little while, but if you can wait a couple of months I'd love to have a go. I've just recorded a little idea so that i can remember it to come back to later...if you're willing to wait.....?

[benjo]

 hey becky,

 I will leave this in your hands,
 
 take your time and if you need anything from me
 you know i'm right here for you
 make it fit what you feel, you know how I work

 only take it on if your comfortable with it
 
 I must admit though,  you just made my day

 don't hesitate to PM me if you need to
 thanks for even considering this with your talent i'm honoured
 take your time and good luck

   speak soon becky thanks for the comments

                                            tony...

[Jess]

A lot has already been said, when I read it I actually thought it would better with a male singer (because stereotypically men don't express there emotions as much, so I thought it would be a change from the norm ) but then I heard caco was singing it and I love her so yay

[benjo]

 hey jess

 thanks for the feed back on this

 yeah I think becky will do this lovely
 

                                   tony