[B4N3M4N]

Relax Man chill out remember this is the lyrics section, have you try the Bar section   

Huh?

Anyway, i got your PM. Two verses and one chorus? A bit long chorus?

Here:

Death is not my friend!

Fire struck down on us. Screams were heard in dispair. Blood dried in splatters. Nothing more ever matters.

War is the devil. And the devil delights. Death do not become mankind. Still we must the cycle of life...perpetually grind.

Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
War is a curse, we can´t this phenomenon imburse.
Still, man is a defect, that can´t the flaws detect.
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!

[B4N3M4N]

By the way, what songs do you like to listen too?

I like Rammstein!

I also like any kind of music that i find to be upbeat!

[tina m]

hahahaha this is funny... its nonsense... you are taking the mick ..... i like that...
so many people here are so po faced about this 'serious' art of songwriting ..
all this nonsense about hooks & structure & gernre ...your just having a laugh at it all...this is comedy/satire .... i dont expect you to admit it ....but i can read your mind
i cant believe people are trying to make you become conventsional

[Dogmax]

Relax Man chill out remember this is the lyrics section, have you try the Bar section   

Huh?

Anyway, i got your PM. Two verses and one chorus? A bit long chorus?

Here:

Death is not my friend!

Fire struck down on us. Screams were heard in dispair. Blood dried in splatters. Nothing more ever matters.

War is the devil. And the devil delights. Death do not become mankind. Still we must the cycle of life...perpetually grind.

Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
War is a curse, we can´t this phenomenon imburse.
Still, man is a defect, that can´t the flaws detect.
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!

This is not a school yard playground and there are no bully's here, now listen and listen good you have reply and as i said to you before, relax, you have no enemies here remember you started this.

Nice Lyrics   

[B4N3M4N]

hahahaha this is funny... its nonsense... you are taking the mick ..... i like that...
so many people here are so po faced about this 'serious' art of songwriting ..
all this nonsense about hooks & structure & gernre ...your just having a laugh at it all...this is comedy/satire .... i dont expect you to admit it ....but i can read your mind
i cant believe people are trying to make you become conventsional

Yes, i am playful at mind!

That´s why i like "english humour" and not dull and mannered american humor-series on TV!

[B4N3M4N]

Relax Man chill out remember this is the lyrics section, have you try the Bar section   

Huh?

Anyway, i got your PM. Two verses and one chorus? A bit long chorus?

Here:

Death is not my friend!

Fire struck down on us. Screams were heard in dispair. Blood dried in splatters. Nothing more ever matters.

War is the devil. And the devil delights. Death do not become mankind. Still we must the cycle of life...perpetually grind.

Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
War is a curse, we can´t this phenomenon imburse.
Still, man is a defect, that can´t the flaws detect.
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!

This is not a school yard playground and there are no bully's here, now listen and listen good you have reply and as i said to you before, relax, you have no enemies here remember you started this.

Nice Lyrics   

Don´t worry!

I have never perceived any negative influence! At least, this is how i have interpreted posts!

I am not a sensitive person!

[Dogmax]

Relax Man chill out remember this is the lyrics section, have you try the Bar section   

Huh?

Anyway, i got your PM. Two verses and one chorus? A bit long chorus?

Here:

Death is not my friend!

Fire struck down on us. Screams were heard in dispair. Blood dried in splatters. Nothing more ever matters.

War is the devil. And the devil delights. Death do not become mankind. Still we must the cycle of life...perpetually grind.

Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
War is a curse, we can´t this phenomenon imburse.
Still, man is a defect, that can´t the flaws detect.
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!
Death, do not follow me! Death, do not come close!
Death is not my friend! Never! Never! Ever!

This is not a school yard playground and there are no bully's here, now listen and listen good you have reply and as i said to you before, relax, you have no enemies here remember you started this.

Nice Lyrics   

Don´t worry!

I have never perceived any negative influence! At least, this is how i have interpreted posts!

I am not a sensitive person!

You have interpreted posts very well, so have you try the Bar section   

[beckylucythomas]

I just looked up Rammstein...... Heavyyyy!  

Not my cup of tea, but there you go.

Anyway, Tina's right..... It's all too easy to take all this stuff a bit too seriously sometimes... And your unique/bizarre sense of humour is nice bit of fresh air.... Might be your USP  

So don't change that....

But that doesn't mean to say there's not lots to learn by listening to what people like, what appeals, what makes them laugh or smile, what connects, whether they understood what you wanted to do etc etc ..... but be sure to keep what makes you unique!

By the way, i liked "death is not my friend"  

[B4N3M4N]

I just looked up Rammstein...... Heavyyyy!  

Not my cup of tea, but there you go.

Anyway, Tina's right..... It's all too easy to take all this stuff a bit too seriously sometimes... And your unique/bizarre sense of humour is nice bit of fresh air.... Might be your USP  

So don't change that....

But that doesn't mean to say there's not lots to learn by listening to what people like, what appeals, what makes them laugh or smile, what connects, whether they understood what you wanted to do etc etc ..... but be sure to keep what makes you unique!

By the way, i liked "death is not my friend"  

I don´t really know how to say this...but i can be eccentric.

I don´t really know how to say this either...but i have a high intellect...like in high IQ.

My creative mind is not just a fluke! Furthermore...i do not regreat that i became a childlish and playful person...it´s fun. Heeeh!

It´s funny! Sometimes my daughter, who isn´t even two years old, seems to look strangely at me..at times when i joke around...like if our ages would have been reversed. Heeeeh!

PS! A bit odd, you might think? Not really! I rather be youthful, than primitive and boring!

[Sing4me88]

The difference between writing creatively and writing 'lyrics' is something I picked up very quickly on the forum thanks to the learned wisdom of others. Its fine being spontaneous etc and creative but without structure it gets really hard to connect with and even more difficult to offer feedback on. By no means am I saying curb your creativity simply try to work in a structure and realise when the first draft of a lyric is 'done' rather than simply writing very thing that comes into your head down on the page in front of you. I think this lyric is probably long enough for 2 songs as it is!

First draft?

How do you mean?

Personally, anything i write is immediately original!

I mean the first draft of the lyrics who have penned. You then stick them up for constructive feedback and might get an idea on how to tweak them or change them ergo leading to a second draft (and indubitably a third, fourth, fifth etc as a song is really ever 'done' in the sense that you will be 100% happy with every word of it!). Nothing to do with originality.

[Jess]

(Like no offence but) for me if was kind of so bad that it was good- it started off like umm...but by the end I was jamming and chuckling to this little number. It sounds like it should be in musical theatre or something!
Although I was almost expecting a twist at the end, like if turns out you don't actually have another brother, or like it's actually a sister, I don't know I was just expecting something a little different to happen at the end.

[B4N3M4N]

(Like no offence but) for me if was kind of so bad that it was good- it started off like umm...but by the end I was jamming and chuckling to this little number. It sounds like it should be in musical theatre or something!
Although I was almost expecting a twist at the end, like if turns out you don't actually have another brother, or like it's actually a sister, I don't know I was just expecting something a little different to happen at the end.

No brother? A sister?

From what sentence/s did you interpret this?

How different end? Add suggestion/s if so like!

[Jess]

(Like no offence but) for me if was kind of so bad that it was good- it started off like umm...but by the end I was jamming and chuckling to this little number. It sounds like it should be in musical theatre or something!
Although I was almost expecting a twist at the end, like if turns out you don't actually have another brother, or like it's actually a sister, I don't know I was just expecting something a little different to happen at the end.

No brother? A sister?

From what sentence/s did you interpret this?

How different end? Add suggestion/s if so like!

No, sorry, that's been misinterpreted I think it SHOULD end with a twist, like an unexpected ending, for example: this brother from another mother could actually be a sister?

[Gallowglass]

Also, coherence can be interrupted by the fact that i am spontaneous and often humorous/playful/childlish by nature. I don't plan the content of any lyric i write...only the title!

I wouldn't hurt to start doing this. Grab your title and your hook then jot down the structure in headline form: verse one, chorus, bridge, etc. Under them, write a summary of what occurs in that section of the song, then on a new page start writing the song itself.

[little feet]

baneman, you're hilarious.. although troublingly the word "brother" has lost all meaning to me after reading that.

your mum told my mum we could be friends.

First draft?

How do you mean?

Personally, anything i write is immediately original!

« Last Edit: December 28, 2013, 10:46:31 PM by B4N3M4N »

i don't know if this was intentional but i laughed so much i almost wee'd.