[adamparkerukmusic]

Hello,

I'm a newbie here.  

I wrote a song called "chase the sky" and would really appreciate some feedback and listeners please.  

I performed live on a local radio station LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-0CZPEiy-c

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I wrote the song about wanting to succeed and not let things that happen in life stop me or bring me down again.  

I would love the song to be published and well known of course.  

I'm really proud of my song.  Any feedback would be great but particularly

1) Did you like it
2) Am I a good / bad singer
3) What you thought of the lyrics
4) If it were recorded properly would you consider buying it

Lyrics are:

Verse 1: I won't let me fall down again / 'cause I don't want to go back their /
             This time I'll do things differently / let happy thoughts surround me /

Chorus: I won't let this life go to waste/ No I'll chase the sky /
            And nothing is impossible / When you believe in yourself /
           I want no regrets when I get to the end / That's why I'll live my life /
           And I will tear down the walls that others build / Oh I'll chase the sky /

Verse 2: Insanity is like doing the same things again and again /
             Expecting a different ending /
             So many lesson that I've learned /
             I had to learn for myself /

CHORUS

Ending : I know I haven't always been in this frame of mind /
             But from now on I'll live my life I'll chase the sky /


Thanks Adam

facebook:  www.facebook.com/adamparkerukmusic
Twitter:  www.twitter.com/adamparker87

[hardtwistmusic]

From your questions as I remember them. 

1.  Yes you have a good voice. 
2.  Yes it's a good lyric....
3.  Yes the music is good. 
4.  I don't buy music.  There is so much good music just around today that I can get overdosed on it without ever buying a C.D.  That's one of the things making the music business so difficult and "personality driven" today. 

I will offer some constructive criticisms.  I'd up-tempo this a bit if it were me.  Your voice will sound better faster, (it's easier) and the guitar work will be more impressive. 

You (like me) have a natural vibratto to your voice.  It's an asset, but it can get to be "too much" if you don't consciously suppress it a little bit.  (That's one of the things that will get easier if you uptempo the song.) 

The final note is about "prosody".  "Prosody" is the "compatibility of the components" with one another.  I'm not sure (even aside from it sounding "too slow" for my tastes) that your vocal treatment is doing all it can for the other components. 

None of that is very negative.  I liked this a lot.... but thought it had potential that could allow it to get better.

[onemanband]

Hello Adam,

  I thought considering this was a live recording you did very well.

   I agree tempering your vibrato would improve your singing, although I realise that nevres may have played apart in that.

Your guitar playing sounded beautiful, really drew me in to want to listen to the lyrics.

But I found them wanting a little bit.

It felt to me like you said the same thing throughout the entire song. I would have liked to hear you strecth the subject a little, tell the listener about failed attempts to succed and how it felt? if it made you more dertermined? How would you feel it you didn't make it? or the reverse if you became a huge star? What the personal cost of trying to succed has been on you?


You obviously have talent, but I after really buying into the intro, I never felt as though the story moved on enough.

on your final question, I will leave that to someone who has more recording experience to give you answer.

Onemanband

[fischermans]

Hello Adam

1) Did you like it
Yes I like it
2) Am I a good / bad singer
You are more good than bad but I think you can get much better than you are at this moment
3) What you thought of the lyrics
I like the lyrics but for me they fits not perfect with the melody
4) If it were recorded properly would you consider buying it
I have to get a listen to a proper recorded song before I decide
I enjoyed listen to your song
Alexander

[adamparkerukmusic]

Thankyou so much for all the feedback,  I will definitely take all comments on board to try to improve myself and the song. 

Definitely will pick up the pace of this song aswell and try to develop the lyrics further and work on controlling my voice. 

It was live and I was sitting down (which I find more difficult) and I was quite nervous as had only done 1 thing on my own before this. 

thanks for your time

All the best Adam

[adamparkerukmusic]

any other feedback would be really appreciated

[beckylucythomas]

Lovely playing. And you have a great voice, though tuning went out a little in places. As others have said, the fact that this was performed live on air, and that it's a slow song must have made it not easy!

I think either speeding the song up, or developing the idea in the vocal, or both, would be a great idea... Even if most of the vocal is faster, you could still have the odd few notes/words that you really dwell on to get the emotion that you want into it. And/or you could develop the instrumentation, which would obviously make it harder to perform live solo...but would create more interest.... I don't want this to sound negative, because I really like this as the basis for a song, but i did lose interest a little bit because the vocal was so slow and there wasn't much happening in between..... But I don't mean that to sound uncomplimentary, as I do think it's a good basis.

I hope you enjoy getting stuck into the forum.

[adamparkerukmusic]

Thanks for that cheers

It's all good feedback to help me improve the song and myself

[Jeremy]

Hi Adam,
Welcome to the Forum. I'm a newbie myself and here for two reasons: 1. To learn from other songwriters and 2. For the kind of thing you posted here - There are so many talented people you may never hear anything from otherwise. So about your questions:
1) Did you like it: Yes, I did
2) Am I a good / bad singer: You are good enough to convey the emotion of the song. It would be good, however, if you'd have a few more tricks up your sleeve, so you can add another surprise or two in.
3) What you thought of the lyrics: You convey your story well, but leave the listener a little in the dark; easy to fix by adding a few (but not too many) shreds with more detail. I  liked you putting the Albert Einstein quote in there at the beginning of 2nd verse. The theme is self reflecting and a little philosophical: Real singer/songwriter stuff.
4) If it were recorded properly would you consider buying it: It's not a definite yes. Like in one of the other replies, I'm one of these people not buying a lot of music. There's so much out there that I don't buy, unless when I really feel I HAVE to have it.

Some more constructive comments about the song:
I concur with the others that speeding it up slightly will probably make it a little easier for you as well as the listener. Having said that, the long stretched words in the chorus like CHASE and IN YOURSELF are highlights in your song that will make it great, so keep those. You may want to try the following trick: make a recording and repeat the chorus several times and keep putting more and more emphasis on these on every repeat; when it starts to sound too exaggerated you know where you want to be: one step back from that.
In my opinion the 45 sec intro was too long, so unless you want to put a solo or som humming on that, try to shorten that up.
The first line of your ending could make for the start of a bridge. The second line of that is only repetition, so you may want to change it in something else, starting from the perspective of the first line. If you put that after your second verse and change the chord progression, adding a few fresh chords. This will also break the regular structure up a bit and keep listeners with you.

I hope we'll hear more from you.
Cheers,
Jeremy

[adamparkerukmusic]

Thanks Jeremy, 

Really appreciate your comments and feedback.  It's good and really reassuring that I agree with what everyone has said so far.   

I'm here to get real feedback on my work and give feedback to others and discover new music on here as it's happening. 

Alot of great things to work from from the feedback thankyou so much everyone. 

[adamparkerukmusic]

Thankyou everyone,

I've got all the feedback to these constructive points and I'm going to use these to make the song better and record it properly in 2014. 

1) More uptempo (speed it up),
2) Vibrato control and make less of it,
3) Lyrics - seems to say same thing throughout - develop the meaning ideas further
strecth the subject a little, tell the listener about failed attempts to succed and how it felt? if it made you more dertermined? How would you feel it you didn't make it? or the reverse if you became a huge star? What the personal cost of trying to succed has been on you?
4) Intro too long till voice comes in
5) even when speed up - notes/words that you really dwell on to get the emotion that you want into it. And/or you could develop the instrumentation,
6) Having said that, the long stretched words in the chorus like CHASE and IN YOURSELF are highlights in your song that will make it great, so keep those.
7) chords don't seem to change that much - maybe develop some new ideas in the song, something that changes

note: albert einsteen quote is insanity is like doing the same thing again and expecting different results.
so good to keep similar line in 2nd verse

[adamholden]

Verse two has potential, though I don't think insanity is what's you're pointing too. It is too slow and relies on your delivery, which is good enough but ... If this sounds very critical the I imagine I could say more or less, but my basic comment would be: you're onto something, work at all of it and keep going. Cheers

[adamparkerukmusic]

Verse two has potential, though I don't think insanity is what's you're pointing too. It is too slow and relies on your delivery, which is good enough but ... If this sounds very critical the I imagine I could say more or less, but my basic comment would be: you're onto something, work at all of it and keep going. Cheers

thanks cheers again I will take on board and improve