We Don't Have to Cancel Christmas this Year

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Paulski

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« on: December 09, 2013, 05:40:42 PM »
This is my entry for the December Lyrics contest - oh wait - there is no December Lyrics contest is there? Oh well, any feedback is welcome. It's meant to go with a traditional English song like you'd hear in a Charles Dickens movie.

We Don't Have to Cancel Christmas this Year
Copyright © Tennyson Road Music 2013

{short piano intro}

Up in Santa's village one year they had a problem
With the Grandfather clock that shows when Christmas is here
Mrs. Santa told them: "The pendulum is frozen.
So we might have to cancel Christmas this year"

{the elves chant..}
We can't be late for Christmas, not even for a minute!
We might have have to cancel Christmas this year!


The problem so perplexed her, until somebody text'd her
Who claimed to be an expert in such magical things
He said "Your clock stopped ticking 'cause Christmas love is missing,
And only Christmas love can make that pendulum swing"

{the elves..}
The magic clock needs fixing 'cause Christmas love is missing
And only Christmas love can make the pendulum swing


So based on its condition, she came to a decision
"We'll hold a competition" (she heard the elves all cheer)
"Any elf can win it if you can find love in it
We might not have to cancel Christmas this year"

{elves...}
Anyone can win it if we can find love in it
We might not have to cancel Christmas this year!


They went all around the planet asking all the children in it
If they had a little love that he or she could loan
And after they discussed it, He was careful not to drop it
As he put it in his pocket and he headed home

{bridge}
Oh it was quite a sight to see!
An endless line of red and green!
Each elf would wait so patiently
Until the time arrived when he, .. or she,  would

Reach into their pocket, (being careful not to drop it)
and place the precious love inside the magical clock
But when the line had done its hauling, it seemed that time had come to stalling
And if a pine needle were falling, you could hear it drop!

{stop...}
{you can hear the clock slowly start a tick/tock sound...}

Sticking hands - they started moving!,
Ticking sounds - they started soothing!
Tinkling chimes  - they started proving it was Christmas Eve!
Then the bells they started ringing!
The pendulum was swinging!
And Santa's sleigh was brimming - it was time to leave!

Now, before this song gets boring, the moral of this story
Is that life is just a boardgame that we're playing here
If we can find love in it, then anyone can win it
And we don't have to cancel Christmas this year!

If we can find love in it,
...even for a minute.....{tick tock tick tock!}
We don't have to cancel Christmas this year!!!!!



« Last Edit: December 18, 2013, 02:48:56 PM by Paulski »

Paulski

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« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2013, 01:17:52 PM »
Hi
I made a few changes to achieve gender equality.
Would really appreciate a comment or two ...anybody???
Thanks!
Paul

onemanband

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« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2013, 02:47:11 PM »
Excellent,

  Really enjoyed reading this, the story arrested me from the first verse, and I regressed into childhood. Good descriptive writing, really painted a vivid picture, especially the line of elves queueing up to deliver the love they have collected from all the boys and girls.

I like how the big problem is a broken clock, and it is decided that the only solution is a magical one.

Would love to see it set to an animation, with the music.

 Enchanting is the best word I can think of to describe it

"Until the time arrived when he, .. or she,  could

Reach into her pocket, (being careful not to drop it)"

Is this part of the gender equality change? (one of)

I think the more "equal" change would be "reach into their pocket, (being careful not to drop it)"

Well done Paul, I think you need to continue with this.

Paulski

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« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2013, 01:26:43 PM »
Excellent,

  Really enjoyed reading this, the story arrested me from the first verse, and I regressed into childhood. Good descriptive writing, really painted a vivid picture, especially the line of elves queueing up to deliver the love they have collected from all the boys and girls.

I like how the big problem is a broken clock, and it is decided that the only solution is a magical one.

Would love to see it set to an animation, with the music.

 Enchanting is the best word I can think of to describe it

"Until the time arrived when he, .. or she,  could

Reach into her pocket, (being careful not to drop it)"

Is this part of the gender equality change? (one of)

I think the more "equal" change would be "reach into their pocket, (being careful not to drop it)"

Well done Paul, I think you need to continue with this.

Thanks so much onemanband - I was beginning to think no-one would comment and your generous words have made my day! Good catch at "their pocket" I fixed that and also cleaned up the meter a bit in the "went all around the world" verse.
Thanks again
Paul

BooBoo

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« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2013, 04:56:49 PM »
Really good lyrics. I love how smoothly it tells the story  and how well it's all described. I can picture the elevea in Santas workshop being very eager to find love. Really nice lyrics!
VOTE FOR JUNE LOTM!!!!!!!

benjo

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« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2013, 05:22:23 PM »


 hi paul,

 sorry late comment mate been really busy with Christmas lyrics myself
 I think every one is,     so just trying to catch up now

 yeah this paints a nice little Christmas picture in my head
 as boo boo said you can actually see the elves rushing round
 sorting everything out to fix the problem
 
 i'd love to hear this put to some music I can see this working well

 well done on this mate good write,

                 good luck with it,                  tony

Paulski

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« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2013, 09:08:30 PM »
Really good lyrics. I love how smoothly it tells the story  and how well it's all described. I can picture the elevea in Santas workshop being very eager to find love. Really nice lyrics!
Thanks BooBoo - glad you liked it.
Paul

Paulski

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« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2013, 09:11:23 PM »


 hi paul,

 sorry late comment mate been really busy with Christmas lyrics myself
 I think every one is,     so just trying to catch up now

 yeah this paints a nice little Christmas picture in my head
 as boo boo said you can actually see the elves rushing round
 sorting everything out to fix the problem
 
 i'd love to hear this put to some music I can see this working well

 well done on this mate good write,

                 good luck with it,                  tony
Thanks Tony, and congrats on your win for LOTM November - well deserved!
I have a melody ready , now just to find time to record it...
Paul

benjo

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« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2013, 09:15:40 PM »

 hey cheers paul

 nice to hear you have a melody
 can't wait to hear it mate

     good luck paul

           tony

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2013, 04:58:41 AM »
Hey Paul.   It's been a BUSY month for me, and I'm a little behind on my listens.  I do like the lyric, and had looked briefly at it before. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

nrand

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« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2013, 06:48:37 AM »
This is great over all and to me the strongest phrase by far is:


'The magic clock needs fixing 'cause Christmas love is missing
And only Christmas love can make the pendulum swing'


you might need to alter it a little later like

'The magic clock got fixing 'cause Christmas love was missing
And only Christmas love made the pendulum swing'


or maybe something similar - this was my 5 second edit....

If this were my song I would consider ditching the other elf chants and stick with this in repetition as it is a very concise summary of the meaning of the song. This is a very memorable phrase.
But its not my song ;D
« Last Edit: December 21, 2013, 06:54:30 AM by nrand »

Stylus

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« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2013, 09:38:56 AM »
Hi paul
            I struggle to interpret lyrics on their own...  but like the lines that nrand has picked up on..shows artistic substance. also  The line  somebody text'd her seems out of place to me

                                  nice work          Stylus :)

Paulski

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« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2013, 08:55:42 PM »
This is great over all and to me the strongest phrase by far is:


'The magic clock needs fixing 'cause Christmas love is missing
And only Christmas love can make the pendulum swing'


you might need to alter it a little later like

'The magic clock got fixing 'cause Christmas love was missing
And only Christmas love made the pendulum swing'


or maybe something similar - this was my 5 second edit....

If this were my song I would consider ditching the other elf chants and stick with this in repetition as it is a very concise summary of the meaning of the song. This is a very memorable phrase.
But its not my song ;D
Hi nrand
Thanks for the kind words - I'll consider making that the only elf chant - it might simplify the song further, which is one of my goals in a children's song.
Paul

Paulski

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« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2013, 08:58:08 PM »
Hi paul
            I struggle to interpret lyrics on their own...  but like the lines that nrand has picked up on..shows artistic substance. also  The line  somebody text'd her seems out of place to me

                                  nice work          Stylus :)
Hi Stylus - yeah that text'd her line was one I debated on. Trying to move the song into the 21st century with that - we'll see how it goes when I sing it..may get dropped yet..
Thanks for commenting!
Paul

nrand

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« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2013, 10:06:55 PM »
This is great over all and to me the strongest phrase by far is:


'The magic clock needs fixing 'cause Christmas love is missing
And only Christmas love can make the pendulum swing'


you might need to alter it a little later like

'The magic clock got fixing 'cause Christmas love was missing
And only Christmas love made the pendulum swing'


or maybe something similar - this was my 5 second edit....

If this were my song I would consider ditching the other elf chants and stick with this in repetition as it is a very concise summary of the meaning of the song. This is a very memorable phrase.
But its not my song ;D
Hi nrand
Thanks for the kind words - I'll consider making that the only elf chant - it might simplify the song further, which is one of my goals in a children's song.
Paul

Thats no worries Paul
This might also alter your final decision on a song title.

Nick