[Bernd]

written to match someone's music - or come as close as possible.


VERSE (part 1)
a chain of dreary
and dire days pass in a daze
how many more days will follow
that you have to face

VERSE (part 2)
each single day as gloomy
as your desp'rate mind
the sky looks all dark and threatening
and the sun will never shine
 
LIFT
and when you close your eyes
your thoughts are blurred
your tortured soul sighs and cries
but

CHORUS
in the night
when you dream
you can see
a silver stream

VERSE
sleep and sedation
your inner voice presents as choice
your path to liberation
so you can rejoice

you take them by the handful
wash them down with wine
for once relaxed and full of hope
for once the sun will shine

CHORUS (no lift here)
you give yourself
to happy dreams
floating down
the silver stream

LIFT
now that you've closed your eyes
your thoughts are blurred
behind the sea you'll find the distant sky

CHORUS
no-one notes
your joyful scream
floating down
the silver stream

floating down
the silver stream

floating down
the silver stream

[Paulski]

I really like the imagery - I am assuming that the silver stream is life, or at least sub-conscious life..
The lift after two verses is fairly unusual - expected more after at least one chorus - I would typically have waited until before the last chorus (assuming lift = key change).
Changing the first two lines every time a chorus in sung is a bit risky (if you want the lyrics to be memorable) but if it works with the music you have, it should be OK. You have repeated the title enough so that the theme carries through nicely.
Good work!
Paul

[Jess]

I love the first chorus, it's almost hypnotic. I also love the rhyming in verse one, it's like a web of rhyming words, which I love. Great write.

[Peppermint]

Very good I like it, Although I feel the chorus is a little short 

Peppermint

[Stylus]

Hi Peppermint
                   I like Silver stream & I have written songs in this way & can relate to the style of writing
Its  my kind of lyric   Love it!              look forwards to it being put to music  Stylus

[Bernd]

Thank you all!

@Stylus
The music has been there before the words:
http://soundcloud.com/ethanphillipe/working-title-without-fx
(Ethan's Gibberish singing is not too great, I guess, but the tune is beautiful)
I couldn't make my words a 100% fit, not at least because the tunes for similar parts differ a bit, but I got pretty close.

[Kevin j]

a very nice write, great imagery in this, especially like the chorus, i love the line 'a silver steam' nice write, keep it up!

[PeeJay]

Hi Bernd,

This is a good insight into how sleep can come as a release from the daily grind for some people and even death ultimately.

I thought maybe ‘daze’ should be ‘haze’ in the second line to avoid sounding like the word ‘day’ – which you use three times in the first five lines.

A good read even if a little downbeat.

Phil.

[Bernd]

Hi Phil,

thank you, "haze" istead of "daze" is good (less strong, but sounding better). I'd already scrapped the second "days":

a chain of dreary
and dire days pass in a haze
how many more will follow
that you have to face

the tune can be matched, so that's alright.

Thanks a lot!

Bernd