[beckylucythomas]

Hi all!

Posting a WIP cos I'm really supposed to be studying for an exam in a few weeks but i can't seem to stop wanting to 'do music' all the time....and this particular song seems to be taking me forever.....so hoping that if i park it for a while, do my exam (maybe pass it!) and then come back and hopefully find some helpful ideas on how i can get this finished!!

I think it might be a bit of an odd one (again!) but I'm kinda liking the oddness..... I think it's almost more a chant than a song, at least that's how it was sounding, but i guess it's getting a bit more song like now I've added some more instruments...

I know the timing is a bit out on some of the vocals......I'll fix that.....

I've got quite a lot of lyrics that i really want to get into it, but think it may end up being about an hour long if i do! ...... And that's without any real chorus..... Sooooo is it worth keeping em in? Should i be ruthless and cut the last verse? At the moment, i think i want to keep it but give it a different feel, maybe with a 6/8 time sig, but that a bit tricky to do on ipad, as you can't actually change time sig mid song, so i'd have to either fit it into the 4/4 or record it on a new song and somehow stick two mp4s together...

Also not sure of the right title!   .... Pretty Words / Tinder Box / Bonfire ....?

The lyrics began as based on a little "incident" at the end of a relationship and have kind of grown up around that... These are they.....(so far only recorded the first two verses)...

I used to collect pretty words
Pretty words in a heart shaped tinder box
For all I pretended, I knew I suppose
That soon the pretty, pretty words would stop

So I kept your pretty words
In my pretty tinder box
And every morning I would count them
And each night would change the locks
For a promise, "for you I would die"
Is a precious, precious lie
That I will save for the fire

And even when the pretty words dried up
As my true heart knew they must
Still I pretended, I needed I suppose
To hope that in words I could trust

So I sealed your tinder words
In my heart-shaped tinder box
And every one of them remembered
Though your fickle heart forgot
And inconstant desires
Like faltering fires
Day by day began to die

Drunk on desperation
I clambered to the rocks
Dizzy with frustration
Clutched my heart shaped box
The words still inside
Like kindling were dried
They were ready, ready, ready for the fire

So I threw your tinder words
On the embers of desire
And they licked and curled in anger
And they sparked and came to life
And I watched the fires burn
While your vanity was turned
And they burned like the bonfire of dreams
I watched the bonfire, the bonfire of dreams
And they burned, burned, burned like my dreams

I asked you to love me for all the wrong reasons
I asked you to help me pretend
Lies came too easy, they flowed too fast
Like a short cut to the bitter, bitter end
But I’ll never hide in those rocks again
Hiding my tearstained shame-face again
Crying under the roar of the waves again
No I'll never, never cry again
I will never cry again
You and I will never try again


.....now replaced with finished version......
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/tinder-box-5967/


Any ideas and suggestions would be extremely gratefully received!!!!

Right now back to studying (and on my first day off work since the start of May!   )

Cheers everyone!  

[Stylus]

  I Love it!  Hi Bex'z  If anything  I found it too short! because  I was engrossed, mesmerised
by Tinder Box....   Some lovely bits in there  You are very good at arranging a song & your woodwind
instrument knowledge comes to the fore in layering some amazing sounds.
             I think you have cast a spell on me with your voice!  I'm doomed! very piognant lyrics & very true. with so much depth & presence.
                   I think I'll go & have another listen    I love it!

                                                      Supreme!                    Hug'zzz   Stylus 

[beckylucythomas]

Hey stylus!!

That's cos it is only half recorded!! I still have another 3 verses i want to add (written out above).... Actually there was another one after that too, but i definitely already decided to jettison that one, maybe make it into a different song some time......

So this one, I've still got 3 more verses, an intro and an outro to record..... I guess i might be able to squeeze it into 4 mins, but maybe more like 5.....which is a bit excessive..........

But anyway, I'm glad you like it so far!

Hope you had a good trip stylus!!

[Stylus]

ahaaaa   I see   no  I was going by the audio on soundcloud  & yes maybe 4 minutes including a little piece/music  to raise the dynamics at that point should be fine.  My thing is theres the album version &
then like a radio edit....so long songs are not a problem  because if you buy a loaf...you dont have to eat the whole thing in one go?   
                                                    Hug'zzz   Stylus
                           

[hardtwistmusic]

Here's my opinion.  Don't shorten it.  The story you are telling is complex and complete.  To cut an integral part of a story ruins the story.  And this is a lyric driven song (to my ears.)  Leave it long. 

If someone later wants to shorten it for commercial purposes, it can be done later. 

Absolutely LOVE the guitar work on this accompaniment.  Your are coaxing THAT out of Garage Band?  Very authentic sounding to me. 

[benjo]

 hey becky,

 I loved this really great lyrics too
 vocals beautiful
 a real pleasure to listen to

 well done on this,

                      tony.

[Jamie]

Hi Caco,
             Lovely vocals, and a really nice song. Tinder box is the right title I think. Love the harmonies too. The length of this song as it is , is not an issue IMHO!
Nice one
Cheers
Jamie