[Jamie]

http://snd.sc/1hKM6b3
Hi All,
           Have been working on this for a couple of weeks. It's about sustainability (we are going to hell in a hand cart, as the old saying goes). Mid tempo song based upon an original acoustic guitar instrumental I've had kicking around for a while. I'm struggling to categorise this song I'm not sure what the genre is . I'm looking for feedback on how to proceed with this song.

Nowhere to hide

Everything's fragile though you think it's robust
We worship our idols in God we trust
Theories and books crumble to dust
It's time to act and act we must

It's an illusion of supply and demand
We're sinking in a mire made by our own hand
Theories deny the truth and lies
We're running faster to our ultimate demise

Nowhere to hide  No-one to confide
going to hades going to hell

No nowhere to hide no-one to confide
Were going to hades going to hell
Nowhere to hide come along for the ride Satan is waiting tolling a bell

Look down there by the sea by the shore
The wretched misery the march call out for more
Monsters within us from Dante's nine rings
Thieves and demons princes and kings

Chorus

[montydog]

Hi,

Difficult subject matter to cover without sounding like you're preaching. I'm not comfortable with some of the lyrics:

"It's time to act and act we must" is a little clumsy - it sounds unnatural to me. You wouldn't say that in conversation so it jars. Using a hard sounding end syllable for the lines like the  "T" you've used in the first verse is a bad idea IMHO. Songs sound better with a soft sounding end syllable like the "lies", "demise", "hell", "bell", "shore", "more" lines - it's just easier on the ear.

On the positive side, some of the lyrics are great :

"Look down there by the sea by the shore
The wretched misery the march call out for more
Monsters within us from Dante's nine rings
Thieves and demons princes and kings"

That's lovely, lyrical writing. I'd try and be more like that in the other verses - less literal and more oblique and more open to the listener's interpretation.

I hope that's of some help, Jamie but of course it's just my opinion and my tastes so take it with a large pinch of salt.

Thanks for posting

M

[jmacdon]

Wow you are quite a production line of music ......

From the top of the down beat until the tidy end note, this song is great pop.  I think the opening vocal comes in very quickly, maybe it could do with more of a build-up?

Your production sounds good, certainly for a demo, so what's not to like? You seem to have good control of your instruments and orchestration too.   I'm not much of a lyricist so can't really comment on your words - it's comes across as all rather half-glass empty - a bit like my version of HabiTat's Life on Earth - i'm not sure which genre this fits into either.  The important thing is that is enjoyable to listen to 

[tina m]

im always pleased to see electric guitar music here instead of the acoustic stuff that dominates
it sounded realy good but i didnt like the harmony lead guitars ...they sounded a bit amateur where as the rest sounded quite pro
even so there sounded like some sort of discord going on thru the song that i couldnt ignore or put a finger on realy 

[Jamie]

Hi guys,
             Thanks for the feedback, as always it's appreciated.
MD, Glad you liked some of the lyric, as I've said before I don't consider lyrics to be my strength, so any positive comment is welcome . Thanks I will re-visit them.

JMac, Glad you liked it . Pleased that you comment favourably on the production this is an area of learning for me!

Tinam, I nearly took the harmony lead out as the chords underneath have some odd changes and I thought it jarred a bit. But, I kept listening to it and convinced myself that it worked
There are some dim chords in the structure and it may be this that creates the tension you felt, but what do I know!

Cheers

Jamie

[hardtwistmusic]

http://snd.sc/1hKM6b3
Hi All,
           Have been working on this for a couple of weeks. It's about sustainability (we are going to hell in a hand cart, as the old saying goes). Mid tempo song based upon an original acoustic guitar instrumental I've had kicking around for a while. I'm struggling to categorise this song I'm not sure what the genre is . I'm looking for feedback on how to proceed with this song.

Nowhere to hide

Everything's fragile though you think it's robust
We worship our idols in God we trust
Theories and books crumble to dust
It's time to act and act we must

It's an illusion of supply and demand
We're sinking in a mire made by our own hand
Theories deny the truth and lies
We're running faster to our ultimate demise

Nowhere to hide  No-one to confide
going to hades going to hell

No nowhere to hide no-one to confide
Were going to hades going to hell
Nowhere to hide come along for the ride Satan is waiting tolling a bell

Look down there by the sea by the shore
The wretched misery the march call out for more
Monsters within us from Dante's nine rings
Thieves and demons princes and kings

Chorus

I think this is an important intellectual concept.  Your lyric does justice to the importance, but there are places (already pointed out by others) where some additional crafting might be in order. 

I'm not musician enough to hear what the others are describing, but I like the basic tone and sound of the accompaniment.  Wish I could help more there, but it's not a strength for me. 

Overall, this song is worth spending time to perfect in my opinion.