[montydog]

Hi,

This is a song inspired by my road trip to Tennessee last year. It's real Bible belt country - a white painted wooden church on every corner each with huge car parks that are full every Sunday but empty every other day. I wanted to write about how the facade of small town rural America looks great but underneath there is still all the cheating and small mindedness going on underneath. It's about disillusionment and betrayal. I'd really appreciate an honest opinion on what (if anything) works and is the chorus strong enough (I've been told it isn't). Any ideas on improvement would be great.

Thing is, I recorded this live yesterday in one go into my portable Tascam and I think I've really caught the essence of it and I don't think I can repeat the vocals - I'm really happy with the careworn sound of them. I so want to just keep this and maybe just put a little percussion or organ on it to finish it but I think it's maybe too rough....Heeelp!

Thanks people

http://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/bible-belt

[beckylucythomas]

Hi montydog!

Well first of all, i'm not the one to comment on the quality of the recording, but this is a really lovely performance.... HOWEVER i don't for one moment believe that you wouldn't be able to perform it just as beautifully another time.

I don't think your chorus is not strong enough, but i do think that a couple of tweaks could possibly make it even better. I love the rising melody in lines 1 and 3 of the chorus. I think if it were me and i were tweaking it, it would be lines 2 and 4 that i might think about changing - maybe the melody or maybe just the metre - i'm thinking maybe shorter lines that don't end with the double-syllable-rhyme might sound more natural to my ear. But then again, sounding more "natural" might just translate as sounding less interesting and distinctive....

I love the rest of the lyrics...... Each stanza tells its own story. You have such clever economy with words, it's really amazing. The one line that maybe I'd question is the first - specifically the "wasted lives"..... It just seems a little too soon in the story to be making that judgement....by all means later in the song when you've made your point about the hypocritical behaviours you've observed....but it seems too general and sweeping to say it too early. Otherwise, i think the observations are drawn absolutely brilliantly. Your lyric writing is really in a class of its own!

[Jamie]

Hi MD,
          I have to admit, this is not really the style of music I would listen to, but...I thought the lyrics were thoughtful and well constructed, a tale well told . There were touches of Glen Campbell/Kenny Rodgers here and there, so that can't be bad . I think you could tweak the chorus a little to differentiate it a little more from the verses, either by melody or modulation, but it's your song!Nicely sung and played. Fans of this style will like this

Nice one MD!

Cheers
Jamie

[Stylus]

Hi  Montydog
                   this has a very ' Unplugged' feel to it & it is not produced with the fuller zest of your other stuff. I think that it has immense potential & the structure or flow could be strengthened. By this I mean....a strong & concise melody  & finding the form of the song. its definately got feeling & emotes
a sadness & melancholy lyric. I think you are both a great bloke & talented guitarist/songwriter & your vocals are definately country-esq.  Define this melody & you have a creditable song...

                                        Thumbs up from          Mr. Stylus    

[benjo]

WOW monty,

I love this and your vocals are unreal,

but for me the problem is, I don't think you should draw the last part of the verse out
I think you should sing it all a lot slower, imagine Johnny cash singing this
I think he would sing it slowly cause its beautiful lyrically, don't extend on the last bit
for me this should almost be talked like only just sung if you know what I mean
please try it,

also these couple of changes word wise felt better for me
you've got some lovely lyrics here Alan please get this right when you record it
this is a winner,

this is just an opinion and i'm only giving my thoughts to help doesn't mean it does
love it Alan and for me you have got pro qualities, good luck with this mate



White washed churches, invisible knives
Faithless children, and cheating wives
its A lesson, I've learned so well
Another notch, on this Bible belt

if I wrote this I would like you to say it, but in singing terms, hope you know what I mean
good luck Alan,


                                                            tony.

[jmacdon]

This song is testament to your songwriting talent - to capture life in redneck, Bible belt, hinterland of Tennessee - and to make it believable.  Very very good songwriting.   

You are right that the chorus does not stand out enough.  Unfortunately, I can't offer much advice here - other than the usual bland / obvious remarks of keychanges, maybe throw in some nifty redneck country violin playing ! 

This type of song needs to be raw and acoustic, but i'd say do try and re-record the vocal as the song is strong enough to warrant the extra improvement effort.

[hardtwistmusic]

First listen is impressive.  My first thought is that it was a little "slow developing" in the lyrics.  But I wouldn't try to change that if it were me.  You're successfully saying what you want to say, and it's not worth ruining that trying to "get to the point quicker." 

I'll definitely come back to take a second listen, and let you know how that hits me.  I'm anticipating that a little familiarity will be an absolute positive.