[BooBoo]

Firstly I don't like this title so please if you have any other suggestions could you let me know?? Secondly found out some really bad news yesterday which I imagine becomes clear in the lyrics. Anyway please tell me what you think

Verse
Black is all that I can see,
It's the blackness that surround me,
Petrified to the spot,
Frozen in a state if shock,
Too young, can't be your time,
Reminisce to when everything was fine,
All I do now is stand and stare,
And cry with the people who care

Chorus
Silently I rock back and forth,
Arms embrace me keep me warm,
Everyone says the truth will hurt,
But it's the people you love who kill you first,
Left alone unable to talk,
I will when the dead can walk

Verse
Puddles form in front of my eyes,
Realising life is a prize,
Shuck up and shaking,
Every part of me is breaking,
Wishing that you could have a round two,
We would help you start over brand new,
But you're no longer here,
I try and hide every tear

Chorus
Silently I rock back and forth,
Arms embrace me keep me warm,
Everyone says the truth will hurt,
But it's the people you love who kill you first,
Left alone unable to talk,
I will when the dead can walk

Bridge
Your face forever etched into my mind,
You heart was ever so kind,
You were someone hard to find,
You are someone hard to find,

Chorus
Silently I rock back and forth,
Arms embrace me keep me warm,
Everyone says the truth will hurt,
But it's the people you love who kill you first,
Left alone unable to talk,
I will when the dead can walk

[Allan]

A very emotional song, I found it gripping as I read through the verses, your lyrics so heartfelt that I could completely empathise with the pain you are expressing. The chorus really speaks to me, but I have to say I really like the whole song.
Al

[hardtwistmusic]

Firstly I don't like this title so please if you have any other suggestions could you let me know?? Secondly found out some really bad news yesterday which I imagine becomes clear in the lyrics. Anyway please tell me what you think

Verse
Black is all that I can see,
It's the blackness that surround me,
Petrified to the spot,
Frozen in a state if shock,
Too young, can't be your time,
Reminisce to when everything was fine,
All I do now is stand and stare,
And cry with the people who care

Chorus
Silently I rock back and forth,
Arms embrace me keep me warm,
Everyone says the truth will hurt,
But it's the people you love who kill you first,
Left alone unable to talk,
I will when the dead can walk

Verse
Puddles form in front of my eyes,
Realising life is a prize,
Shuck up and shaking,
Every part of me is breaking,
Wishing that you could have a round two,
We would help you start over brand new,
But you're no longer here,
I try and hide every tear

Chorus
Silently I rock back and forth,
Arms embrace me keep me warm,
Everyone says the truth will hurt,
But it's the people you love who kill you first,
Left alone unable to talk,
I will when the dead can walk

Bridge
Your face forever etched into my mind,
You heart was ever so kind,
You were someone hard to find,
You are someone hard to find,

Chorus
Silently I rock back and forth,
Arms embrace me keep me warm,
Everyone says the truth will hurt,
But it's the people you love who kill you first,
Left alone unable to talk,
I will when the dead can walk

If it were me, I'd title it "The People You Love" and rework some of the lines to accentuate that. 

It leads one to expect one thing, then the song delivers a surprise.  It's my opinion that surprises are good things in lyrics. 

As for the insulting review I just read, please don't take it to heart.  Dunno what's at work in someone's mind to write something like that, but it's just one person's opinion at best, and God knows what at worst.

[Jess]

As for the insulting review I just read, please don't take it to heart.  Dunno what's at work in someone's mind to write something like that, but it's just one person's opinion at best, and God knows what at worst.

Firstly, what insulting review!? Allan was being nice!?

Anyway, I loved this, it made me sad because it was a sad song but it made me happy that you'd written something so good. The chorus was amazing, that bit stood out for me so much. The line about the people you love killing you first was probably one of the best lines I've ever read in a lyric. I think it would make a good alternative title, although it might be a little long. I personally liked the original title, when I saw it posted I was drawn to it straight away, even before I realised you'd posted it. Maybe 'til the dead can walk' would make it sound more 'gentle', but I rather liked your title.
Big sympathy hugs from me x Jess

[BooBoo]

Thank you for your comments

Allen - thank you so much, I'm glad you found it gripping

Hardtwistmusic - thanks for the suggestion, I will keep that in mind!

Jess - I think his comments have been delegated but there was a troll user on here who was basically saying everyone was shit! He wasn't in about Allan! Well I'm glad you like it and that line, I'm quite proud of that lines if I do say so myself thanks for the title suggestions as well!

[PeeJay]

Hi BooBoo,

I really liked this.

Plenty of good lines and emotion.

I would maybe change 'blackness' to 'darkness' in line two.

Nice one,

Phil.

[Jess]

Jess - I think his comments have been delegated but there was a troll user on here who was basically saying everyone was shit! He wasn't in about Allan!

Ahh!! I was soo confused! I was like WHATS ALLAN DONE!? But now it's all goood

[EattheChildren]

These are really powerful lyrics! I really liked them, and I, personally, liked the title. But that's because the title speaks to me as a metal head :p Anyway, the lyrics are strong and they really grabbed me in for a ride!

[hardtwistmusic]

As for the insulting review I just read, please don't take it to heart.  Dunno what's at work in someone's mind to write something like that, but it's just one person's opinion at best, and God knows what at worst.

Firstly, what insulting review!? Allan was being nice!?

Anyway, I loved this, it made me sad because it was a sad song but it made me happy that you'd written something so good. The chorus was amazing, that bit stood out for me so much. The line about the people you love killing you first was probably one of the best lines I've ever read in a lyric. I think it would make a good alternative title, although it might be a little long. I personally liked the original title, when I saw it posted I was drawn to it straight away, even before I realised you'd posted it. Maybe 'til the dead can walk' would make it sound more 'gentle', but I rather liked your title.
Big sympathy hugs from me x Jess

It was (appropriately) deleted, and I suspect the poster is now banned.  He/she seemed to be deliberately insulting just to GET banned. 

[hardtwistmusic]

BTW, this gets better with every read.  I was in a hurry when I first read it because I was rushed to read and respond on my break at work.  I didn't fully get the meaning.  I am so sorry you are experiencing such a tragedy.  I suspect we all have a little bit of understanding of what it feels like, if not "how you feel." 

Hope you can keep your chin up and the pain subsides.

[jameba]

Hey boo, sorry about the bad news, hope ur ok, enjoyed the song, liked the chorus
Well done
James

[BooBoo]

Peejay - yeah I think darkness would work better, thank you!

Eatthechildren - wow I'm glad you find them strong! Thank you

Hardtwistmusic - thank you again! Means a lot that you've took the time to tea it again haha

Jameba - I'm fine, I guess, thank you! I'm glad you like the chorus!

[beckylucythomas]

I think "Dead can walk" is an incredible song title (and I'm defo not a metal head!), and it's a really powerful line in your song, in fact all of the chorus is really powerful, esp the last 4 lines of it. The whole song is good but for me it's the chorus that's got the strongest lyric.

I hope you are ok!! Sounds like a rough time....

[terrysains]

These lyrics punch you right in the head, superb. Real.


I would title: "People you Love".

Terry.

[KEVIN B]

hi boo boo,

hope you are ok, it's never nice to recieve bad news, but to be able to put your feelings into words, in the form of a song, may help in some way, and help ease the pain !

the hurt is obvious to see here, heartfelt and emotional piece, i like the song boo but if iwas to say a negative, i would change PUDDLES for TEARDROPS, just has a softer more descriptive feel, IMO, puddles seems a bit childish, but please ignore if you don't agree.

really like the chorus,

so hope you are ok.

kev !