[theLostLad]

Struggling with a couple of songs (well just ideas really) over the past few weeks, and distractedly came up with this over a day or two. Usual themes - break up, heartbreak, rejection, swinging between acceptance and anger, obsession possibly resulting in some sort of restraining order etc etc. You get the idea. I'm hoping One Direction might cover this one (joke, obviously).

I only have an acoustic guitar at my disposal, but I though it needed a solo at some point and necessity being the mother of invention, I whistled one. Its only the verse melody, not solo as such, but creates a bit of space. Chorus - nicked from anywhere? Wrote two sets of lyrics for the chorus, can't decide which one to use so put both in. Any preferences? The chorus is meant to be ambiguous - genuine friendliness, or somewhat sinister?

https://soundcloud.com/thelostlad/i-will-be-there

Lyrics :

One more reason to leave / Though you try to deceive / You’re sublime
Now the sky’s turning grey / And the shadows hold sway / I’m resigned

You can never undo / The times we’ve been through / Draw a line
In the depths of your heart / I just hope there’s a spark / Give it time

In the night
When your fighting to hold back your tears
Don’t lose sight
Of the light that’s been with you for years
I will wait, I will be waiting for you
I will wait, I will be waiting for you
I will be there

All the pain that you caused / You gave me no thought/ you’re to blame
I should learn to despise / See the hate in my eyes / Turn to shame

I once truly believed / It was all meant to be / Preordained
Its too late to fight / Too tightly entwined / Loose the reins

In the end
When you’re reaching out for a friend
When you’re cold
The pain and the darkness take hold
I will wait, I will be waiting for you
I will wait, I will be waiting for you
I will be there

[Kafla's Evil Twin]

Mr LostLad   Hi !

The verse timing took my ear a little by surprise - assume you are playing C Em - I dont know what key you are in

You stay on the C for longer than I thought or you play a chord to link the two - I would just watch this - its sounds cool but weird at the same time - I am not sure - ha ha

But its mega the change going into the chorus - you need fireworks here , choirs, slash from GnR, big big effort - this takes the song to another level - which is what choruses should do for verses

This is very simple but extremely effective - clever stuff indeed

In the night
When your fighting to hold back your tears
Don’t lose sight
Of the light that’s been with you for years

Best chorus for me - maybe keep the second for the second run through when you go up a key after the mid you are going to add in 

sorry if my thoughts make no sense - but just to be clear I think you are onto a winner here - A BIG WINNER

[theLostLad]

Thanks for the feedback BigNoise. Yes, the verse is a bit weird and I get exactly what you are saying. Your right with chord shapes - C (with G on the low E but B open) then Em, but capo at 4th fret. I'm playing 5 bars of C then 4 of Em, but the emphasis on the last bar of C seems to gravitate towards the end of the bar. I think this works ok when I'm singing (or whistling!) but not when played alone, so maybe it should straighten out on the intro? I'll have a play around. It may not need that 1st bar at all even when I'm singing.

[diademgrove]

Hi Lostlad,

I don't think it needs a solo, I wasn't keen on the whistling. I like the way the vocal and the acoustic guitar work together.

I'm not sure I pick up anything sinister. I don't hear it in your vocal. You sound more disappointed rather than seeking revenge. Also the chords and the melody sound sad rather than menacing. I thought the song sounded sweet given the break up.

I'd concentrate on keeping the melancholy feel and revisit the introduction, maybe consider a little fingerpicking to introduce the melody.

I would end the song after the second chorus I didn't get anything from the whistling and the repeated first chorus. I'd keep the repeated I Will Be There line though. I don't see any problem with having the second chorus different from the first. It moves the song along very nicely.

Despite the above I liked it, its very good.

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree.

diadem