[Jamie]

https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/1-01-into-the-light/s-eTxhu

This is a song that has changed quite a bit in the development. It's now a bit 'prog rock' I think,as I tried to layer the sound a bit . The song is about those people who believe they are victims and are alienated from society and feel the need to cause a major incident to get recognition, often with tragic consequences.Clearly not a pop song,but i'm interested in the feedback. I am still learning 'how to'(write and record),so this is part of continued experimentation!
Cheers
Jamie

Into the light

i'm standing in the wings and i can hear the words
and see the actors and i'm waiting for the moment

Unrequited love and desire quiet failure and despair
alone and empty my dreams are unfulfilled

and i wont be invited i have to make it happen
i force my way into the light

it happens in slow motion i feel no pain and i feel no joy
i'll make them see then they'll know how it feels

i wont be invited i have to make it happen
i force my way into the light

pull me into sweet oblivion and suck me from this existence
and i will be at the centre of the stage
give me my moment and i will pay for my .......sins

[jmacdon]

Great track Jamie - i hear a bit of Adele here, maybe it's the film-score-esque feel of this piece.  I'm not sure it'll make the next JB movie, but you might get a piece on the next 24 mini series.  Keep plugging and playing 

[Jamie]

Hi jmac,
             Thanks for the feedback, Adele eh, I'll have to start drinking cider . Like the movie soundtrack comment,I didn't think of that. Glad you liked it .

Cheers
Jamie

[Sing4me88]

Defo worth pitching for a film/TV placement Got a real dark, mysterious vibe about it. Love the piano in this one, gives it that dark edge. Got a slight darker David Bowie vibe off it.

[Kafla's Evil Twin]

wow wee Jamie - this is a work in progress 

Its amaze balls from the first beat

what a menacing piano motiff - like a serial killer on the loose - stonkingly good

Those voice type synths add an incredible amount of atmosphere - its a killer melody and the drums ROCK ROCK ROCK

now the only little thing I need to mention is that everything is at near clipping or just over clipping level - I dont know if its my speakers but it could be some compression issues / and your voice gets a little drowned out

But this is massive sounding - you have a good voice man

The guitar coming in is terrific

I love this a lot

[theLostLad]

Agree with the above, its the piano the really drives this, but all the ingredients are good, drums maybe a bit plodding and need some accents. Single note guitar is tastefully done, less is more. Lyrically I feel it needs a bit of work. Good premise, but maybe some alliteration, internal rhymes etc to propel it a bit?

[Jamie]

Hi sing4me,Big noise and lost lad. , thanks for the feedback,I'm glad you got the undertone of the song,it was meant to sound menacing, so it appears to have worked.the song was built from the piano motif mentioned and the words came later.I don't profess to be the greatest lyricist and it's the part I struggle with most, so I understand the comments.I wasn't sure if I'd got something with this song,but given the feedback I will go back and re-write and re- record it taking account of the comments.
Thanks all

Cheers Jamie
 

[Neil C]

Jamie,
Good intro and outro too, liked the piano, drums and guitars, interesting chords worked well with the lyrics. Has a slightly cyclical nature to it.
You might want to start to think about the songs' dynamics, where does the song go, how does it build, ebb and flow etc to give it some more variation. Most pop and rock songs lead up to a chorus, you're sort of in the same ballpack for many of the sections. Yes meets piano-y Muse perhaps?   
Melodic and slightly menacing

Neil

[Jamie]

Hi Neil,
            Thanks for the feedback glad you thought it melodic and menacing,that's where I wanted it to go.I don't know what you think but I wonder If the build issues are structural or is it to do with the instrumentation? Or both? Loving the yes/ muse reference great writers and musicians. The song was a bit experimental and so I expected some questions about it as its not entirely a traditional rock song.
Thanks again
Cheers

Jamie 

[Stylus]

Hi Jamie  Theres some very intersting bits in this song. You are very able & can get a few bits a little more together.  I think one should keep to the main melody structure & possibly do a defined few changes. In this song theres a lot of good & a few  minor chord or melody  changes that challenges the ear. Get a tight melody   nice introductory  song  Look forwards to the finished song.

                                                    Niceee!    Stylus