"Who the hell are you to tell me?"

  • 9 Replies
  • 2030 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

laurabh

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 81
« on: August 28, 2013, 06:27:12 PM »
I've been realizing more and more lately that there are a lot of hurdles in life, people being some of the main ones! And I figured a song would be a great way to express my opinion on this.

This is a song about the dreamers, and the so called ‘reality of our world’ stopping people in their  path's and creating unnecessary hurdles because of other peoples perceptions and opinions on what is ‘realistic’.

In my head, this has an acousticy, folk/country vibe, and I realise the structure of this song probably doesn't fit with other peoples perceptions of 'how a song should be structured'...but hey! Thats irony for you! ;)

VERSE 1:
I’m planting the first step,
Leaping the first hurdle,
Of many more to come.
I've been told to get a grip,
To take a trip,
Back down…
From cloud nine.

VERSE 2:
I’m clinging on to a fine line,
They say I’m wasting my time.
They tell me,
Greatness is for the lucky few,
The exceptions,
The few,
Who they know,
Dared to go beyond,
‘Life’.

PRE-CHORUS:
The people who,
Try,
Fall,
Try a little harder,
And,
Fall,
Get back up and run some more.
Then Fall,
Fall,
Fall,
Harder,
They fall,
Then get back up,
Again,
Again,
Again.
And suddenly the world is theirs.

CHORUS:
We all,
Like what we love and love what we like,
But the time is never right and it seems too hard to fly,
The eye of the tiger is being blinded by the night and
I’m back,
on the ground,
again.
And they say,
That’s ‘life’.

VERSE 3:
I’m reaching high, above the sky,
Knowing everything will be alright,
It always turns out fine.
I've been warned to avoid risks,
To tiptoe safely…
Across the fire and the eggshells.

VERSE 4:
And I’m not one to dwell,
But they complain their life is hell.
They’re jealous of the,
So called,
‘Lucky ones’,
The exceptions,
The few,
Who have it all,
The few,
Who they know,
Dared to go beyond,
‘Life’.

PRE CHORUS

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
But you see,
These people,
Who put you down,
Tell you to be average,
Tell you to get real.
They’re not real either,
They’re false,
They’re figurines,
They’re living a lie,
And you can,
Tell them from me,
Tell them,
To look beyond their TV screens,
Tell them,
That you don't care about their perceptions of reality,
Tell them,
That they're giving you the motivation to succeed,
Tell them,
That if ignorance was bliss,
They themselves are the definition of heaven.

FINAL CHORUS: (Acapella)
We all,
Like what we love and love what we like,
But the time is never right and it seems too hard to fly,
The eye of the tiger is being blinded by the night and
I’m back,
on the ground,
again.
And they say,
That’s ‘life’.

But its not life,
Its their life,
And you can let it be yours or…
You can,
Fly.


 

S.T.C

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2633
  • American Cars........out now
    • http://oldsongsnew.com/
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2013, 06:35:48 PM »
Very good Laura...i can see the song in this,,,esp with today's singers doing it...as i seem to remember your one of the `young un`s aren't you..good writing ;)

Jess

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1329
  • Disney Princess in the making
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2013, 06:44:32 PM »
I love this, I like how you write very vertically (like lots of short lines, opposed to a few really long lines), it's very different to how I write so I really enjoy reading your work. I think the structure is what makes it so interesting, even if there wasn't a dominant rhyming pattern throughout, I still loved it.
The chorus is so strong, I adore the lines about the eye of the tiger, reminded me of 'Roar' by Katy Perry (and seeing as I'm her biggest fan, that made me VERY happy).
I'd love to see more of you and your work on your forum :)
Jess
"When writing a song, if your afraid to suck, you'll never write a note" -Jeff Boyle

BooBoo

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 762
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2013, 07:17:25 PM »
Oh Laura, you really should come on here more often. Your sons are so different but they work. You take a risk and make it a really good song. Love this. I really like the length of the PC and bridge, how they are longer that what we normally see. I really hope you start posting more on here, especially as you were the one who led me to this site ;)
VOTE FOR JUNE LOTM!!!!!!!

laurabh

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 81
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2013, 08:48:10 PM »
songsthatcry- Thanks, I'm glad you see it! I'm 17, so yeah, I guess I am a 'young un' ;)

Jess- Thank you! I never really thought about my 'vertical writing' and to be honest, I've only started doing it recently... I'm glad you find it interesting! I really enjoy reading your work too, the feeling is totally mutual, and a lot of your stuff seriously inspires me, you're such a great writer! I'm also an avid Katy Perry fan ;)
I'll try to get on here a little more often!

BooBoo- I've always been a risk taker ;) Thanks, I'm going to attempt to! Oh yeah...I forgot :p
« Last Edit: August 28, 2013, 08:51:05 PM by laurabh »

Jess

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1329
  • Disney Princess in the making
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2013, 11:32:32 PM »
Jess- I really enjoy reading your work too, the feeling is totally mutual, and a lot of your stuff seriously inspires me, you're such a great writer! I'm also an avid Katy Perry fan ;)
Thank you! Us KatyCats got to stick together ;)
"When writing a song, if your afraid to suck, you'll never write a note" -Jeff Boyle

PeeJay

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 769
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2013, 09:10:05 PM »
Hi Laura,

I liked this. Plenty of 'tude!

Nice one,

Phil.
I don't know what i'm doing but i do it anyway.

Bernd

  • *
  • Solo Gig
  • ***
  • Posts: 402
    • Bernd's Lyrics
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2013, 07:04:03 AM »
When I read lyrics like these I'm thinking of hard rock rather than acoustic folk, country, or such. But that may be just me - songs with an attitude, as Phil put it, for me are hard rock.

The lyrics read like you have a tune for them or were hearing them in your mind while you wroten them. I'm hearing these single word lines as shouts.

The verses differ in their lengths and meters. I think they should be worked on a bit. If there are rhymes - as in the first two lines of verse two and three - the same rhyming pattern should be used in all verses, that would would mean in verse one, too.

For me two repetitions of the words "fall" and "again" would suffice in the pre-chorus. But that actually depends on the music. I'd consider the additional ones as 'optional'. The two 'thens' in "then fall", and "then get back up" are not really needed. I'd find the lyrics stronger without them.

I'd change "They’re living a lie" to "they live a lie" - to me that would sound stronger.

It's a pity that the title does not appear anywhere in the lyrics. How about putting it in right at the end, like an aftertought?

Cheers,
Bernd
Bernd
good lyricist, mediocre songwriter, lousy musician
likes rock but writes for anybody anyway ;-)

benjo

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2150
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2013, 05:41:12 PM »
hey,

I love this I got a real good feel as I was reading this
like the tune just jumps into your head,
don't know if you do music but i'll be surprised someone doesn't have a go at this
very nice work holds you in there, keep it up,  tony...

Saeed AlSuri

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 735
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2013, 04:55:55 AM »
My favorite the pre chorus ..

very good .. :D :D

Cheers..