[Saeed AlSuri]

Hello there ..

this is something I'm working on .. Started yesterday .. completed today .. see what you think about it or does it make any sense ..


Dark and scary ... 25/8/2013

Verse 1:
Dark and scary places .. I have in my mind ..
The thought of you .. going leaving me behind ..
Leaving me lonely .. with fears in my mind ..
Tarring me a part .. why you are so unkind ..

The hope that I carry on .. in my heart every day ..
Is to see the happiness .. in my life one day ..
The hope that I carry on .. is keeping me alive ..
The thought of losing you .. is eating me alive ..

chorus :
Life without you .. is hard for me to bare ..
Life without you .. is life full of despair ..
Life without you .. like a mother lost her son ..
Life without you .. like the Earth without Sun ..

Verse 2
Tiered of waiting .. waiting for you ..
to come and help me ..Help me see this thing trough ..
It's a matter of living .. And dyeing too
It's a matter of living .. living without you ..

The hope that I carry on .. in my heart to day ..
Is to see you one more time .. before I go away ..
The hope that I carry on .. waiting every day ..
Is meeting you on the other side .. soon one day

Chorus 2 :
Life with you .. is full of joy n happiness ..
Life with you .. fills my Sad Emptiness ..
Life with you .. makes my heart sing n dance ..
Life with you ..is my strength that I enhance ..

Verse
It's time for leaving .. and parting too ..
Hold my hand .. and see this matter through ..
I'll be waiting .. on the other side ..
In heavens where .. no leaving me behind ..

The hope that I carry on .. in my heart to day ..
Is to see love in your eyes                         .. before I go away ..


Saeed AlSuri ... copyright © 2013..

[Mr.Chainsaw]

Hmmm, very deep

I really like how the choruses are opposites. The "life without you" then "life with you"...clever.

Who's perspective is this from? Who's leaving who?

Some powerful images in here "Life without you .. like a mother lost her son .."...that's pretty brutal! I can't think of anything worse for someone

One thing I'd definately change is the first line (and the title, sorry!) "Dark and scary places"...i dunno, mate. Scary isn't in of itself a horrible word. It's how I'd describe a Scooby Doo ghost!

Maybe "Dark and empty places I have in my mind" would work better? You mention "sad emptiness" later on aswell

[Saeed AlSuri]

Hello Mr.Chainsaw ..

You are right about the title .. it's decided yet .. it's temporary one .. still thinking of another .. but you are right it's not suitable ..

empty places .. I think has a different feel and meaning .. fear is different then empty ..  I thought that fear is generated always in the mind .. it must come from some where .. that kind a thing .. fearful thoughts place .. in ones mind ..

thanks any way for suggestion .. may be I'll find some thing different ..

Cheers ..

[BooBoo]

This is good and flows well. The chorus is my favourite part because of the imagery that is mentioned. "Life without you is life full of despair" love this line because of the use of the word life. A good song.

[Saeed AlSuri]

Thank you BooBoo

I wonder if any one has any comment on the last line in the 2nd chorus  ..

" Life with you ..is my strength that I enhance " ..

I'm not really confidante or should I say happy .. with it .. what I wont to say is .. life with you give my strength power to grow .. I wonder if that make any sense ..  and reason to live .. that kind a thing ..

Cheers ..

[BooBoo]

Well I thought that line made sense and I thought it was good. I think it's different so I would keep it personally. Just my opinion on that line

[Jess]

Firstly, your English is impeccable, it gets better with every song, and I think this is one of your finest. I like how the chorus changes, it keeps the song interesting and fresh, and the rhyming throughout the verses is on point. A really great write

[Saeed AlSuri]

Think you Jess ..

glade that you liked the song ..

And BooBoo .. if it make the meaning I mentioned .. than you think I should keep it .. I was thinking of changing  ( I ) and adding My Soul at the end .. like this :

" Life with you ..is my strength that enhance .. My Soul " .. how does that sounds

Thank you all for the help .. and the praise ..

Cheers

[BooBoo]

I was just looking at it to see how that would fit and I was thinkiking how about "mt strength does enhance" I don't really think adding 'my soul' to the end would fit really. All up to you anyway

[Stylus]

Yep!   You cannot enhance a soul  unless youre Frankenstein    Theres too much 'cliche'
rhyming  almost as if any word will do.  unlike many praising your English  I think theres a lack of eduacation  &  you can churn out  10 songs a day  but one done with care might be a better way to get a good song. You've written a song about 'Selling a guitar'  another called: Delete You  which sounds  like you are having a relationship with a mobile phone application.
       Get a dictionary  & look up what words mean?  you cant write  stuff like(example)

  Hello my darling...my lobster arms  are longing for you...

  Life with you .. is full of joy n happiness ..
  Life with you .. fills my Sad Emptiness ..                                contradiction?

   Are you happy    or sad  or dont you know.....?

            Anyway  remember  Your songs  are your legacy.....leave something decent behind

                                                Good luck           Stylus
 
       
       

[Saeed AlSuri]

Styles ..

I think there is something wrong with you .. please do not review my songs .. if you think your self great song writer .. now you being an Indian .. find me with lack of education .. please leave his matter to the  real  English people ..

Now that said .. you are  nothing but a big moth with nothing good to say to me .. so get a life man .. and stay away fro me ..

Thanks for nothing ..

[Saeed AlSuri]

Sorry BooBoo ..

got distracted .. 

well "Life with you ..is my strength that does enhance" .. is good and it work .. I I feel the meaning is still there .. I tried it with the melody .. it works .. 

Thank you BooBoo

Cheers BooBoo ..

[Tester345]

Oh the rhymes are so good!

I can't think of that many rhymes in my material, so this is great.
Also, some really deep stuff going on, but can't wait to hear the final product!

[Saeed AlSuri]

Thank you Tester345 ..

The song's tracks are ready .. but the lyrics need tweaking some more .. that is what I feel ..

Thank you for the kind words ..

Cheers ..

[laurabh]

Very deep and descriptive! But in a good way...I really like this! Would love to hear it with music.