[GTB]

Hi everyone, I'm still here but been busy changing jobs  

MUSIC ADDED HERE:  https://soundcloud.com/gtbr/footprints-in-the-sand-demo

sorry, technical difficulties, does this work better?

https://soundcloud.com/gtbr/footprints-in-the-sand-demo

comments/criticisms welcome

Here's my latest lyrics, it's the final part of 5 related songs.  This is a slow one with lots of guitar with a heavy blues feel to it.  A demo will be ready very soon but the current demo needs some re-takes.  There is no bridge, but enough instrumental sections to vary the music.  The last line of verse 3 has lyrics whereas the other verses just have a guitar motif, but the verses are all the same length.  
The first four songs tell the story of a werewolf and this one is the finale.


Footprints in the Sand

verse 1
Abandoned by the mother
Tormented by another
No love is lost on this forgotten child

verse 2
Hated and defiled
Feared and reviled
Hunted down and hiding in the wild

chorus
Now the sun is rising and my soul can slip away
Innocence reborn as the moon begins to wane
I walk into the sunrise, I begin to understand
And all that remains are my footprints in the sand

verse 3
Sunrise, angry and red
Wounded, left for dead
Good and evil tearing me apart
Is this the end, (or) is this the start

chorus
As the sun is rising and my soul can slip away
Innocence reborn as the moon begins to wane
I walk into the sunrise, I begin to understand
And all that remains are my footprints in the sand

guitar solo

chorus reprise
I walk into the sunrise I begin to understand
And all that remains are my footprints in the sand

thanks for reading :-)

[seriousfun]

Love this. The darkness of it all and I like that you didn't spell everything out but left plenty for the listener/reader to dwell on and fill in the gaps. I like this style of writing.

I noticed that the structure of verse 3 differs from the first two, and given that it introduces new ideas and develops the story to another level it could easily become a bridge if you wanted one.

Great write kudos to you.

Allan.

[GTB]

Thanks Allan, I really appreciate that.  It's so hard to write a short song :-)
GTB

[seriousfun]

Tell me about it lol.

Almost all of my songs are short and you just have to make every single word count in the big picture. You cant afford wasted words and there are none in this lyric that don't belong there. I think writing short susinct songs is a great way to develop your skills as you have to be so precise and disciplined.

Allan.

[Jess]

Hi everyone, I'm still here but been busy changing jobs 

YOU'RE BECOMING A PROFESSIONAL CHRISTMAS SONG WRITER!?
I'm not going to lie...I miss your Christmas songs!

However, I really liked this piece too, it was nice to see the darker side of your lyrical abilities and I think the word choices and rhymes were perfectly chosen and executed. Would like to see this among the lyric of the month nominees

[BooBoo]

I like the different structure in v3, definitely could be a bridge. I really enjoyed the whole song thought a great piece you have here and ya nice to have to back!

[GTB]

Hi Ladies, thank-you very much for taking a look and for your comments.  BooBoo, you've gone sideways and it's very disturbing - is there a thread about that yet?
Jess, I kept it quiet but yes this is for the xmas album ;-)  It's the last of 5 songs that go together and the overall story is set around the xmas period - a thin connection but a good enough excuse :-)

I can't wait to get the recording up here now, but need to get home to my Les Paul & fix it 1st.
GTB

[Jess]

BooBoo, you've gone sideways and it's very disturbing - is there a thread about that yet?

GTB I feel you've got a bit of profile picture envy going on here...

[GTB]

BooBoo, you've gone sideways and it's very disturbing - is there a thread about that yet?

GTB I feel you've got a bit of profile picture envy going on here...

lol, of course, but I thought something was wrong with my laptop at first

[BooBoo]

BooBoo, you've gone sideways and it's very disturbing - is there a thread about that yet?

GTB I feel you've got a bit of profile picture envy going on here...

lol, of course, but I thought something was wrong with my laptop at first

Nope it's all just me. I haven't had the chance to go on my computer yet to sort it out, if I can. But yeah, you shouldn't envy other people's pictures ;-)

[Kevin j]

love the lyrics to this, some great lines, i think the chorus is especially strong, sorry im not much help... ive got nothing but praise 

[GTB]

Thanks Kevin, all comments are helpful.  I'm really looking forward to getting the recording sorted and posted this weekend after all these comments.  I just hope it doesn't disappoint :-)
GTB

[nooms]

GTB, links not working ..

[GTB]

sorry, link appears not to have worked so I had another go (up top there) - hope someone can tell if it works or not please?

GTB

[nooms]

yes the links working well and so is the track..
beautiful expressive intro,
touch of rory gallagher in your guitar playing and the way youve arranged the song..
think you could record the vocal better and tighten it up here & there but love the overall passion in the song which is what keeps the attention..
g'd luck sir..
nooms