[Jamie]

Hi All,
        A guitar/riff based rock song.I know there are some things to change on this eg the harmony guitar solos at the end could feature earlier/ mix is a bit weak, guitars could come up a bit,but I think there are enough themes in there.Look forward to the feedback.

Cheers

Jamie

https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/machines

Machines

Forged by the hands of men made with iron and steel
Silica sand and fire poured like lava from the mould

Cool me by the river wind soothe my skin

Hammered on the anvil of life tempered by misfortune and desire
Believe in something unbelievable because you just cant face the truth

Cool me by the river wind cool my skin
Deliver us from the fear save us from the fire

Machines that go to war ideas that men die for
Fear fans the flames power drives the pain

Shattered lives and wounds that won't heal wounds that, they wont heal
Losing the things and the ones the ones we love the most

Cool me by the river wind cool my skin
Deliver us from the fear save us from the fire

Machines that go to war ideas that men die for
Fear fans the flames and power drive the pain

[Bernd]

Works for me! Words and music fit together fine.

Since I focus on lyrics myself, I have a few comments on these:

Deliver us from the fear save us from the fire => why the change to plural here?

Machines that go to war ideas that men die for => I'd make that "ideals" instead of "ideas"

Shattered lives and wounds that won't heal wounds that, they wont heal => that they Maybe: ... that will never heal.

Cheers,
Bernd

[Jamie]

Hi Bernd,
             Thanks for the feedback. Glad you thought it worked! I wrote about losing 'the ones we love the most' that is why it is plural(ie 'save us'). When I re-record it properly I'll take account of your comments!
Thanks again
Cheers
Jamie

[Dave Bradley]

I enjoyed it. As I commented on SoundCloud, there's a touch of Roger Waters in the vocal...nice.

[GTB]

Hi Jamie, you have the makings of a great song here and it sounds pretty good already.  I did feel like I was sat on stage with a guitar to the left and a keyboard to the right, maybe 'cos I listened on headphones but the stereo split seemed a bit too far to me.  I think it would also benefit from a bit more action on the kit and bringing the bass up more too - but that's just me :-)
Perhaps also if there is to be no bridge you could change the dynamic a bit instead, maybe back off the instruments for a couple of lines just to let the vocals get a message over?
I really liked the lat few bars of harmony guitar too, maybe that could be used where the bridge would be?

good listen though, well done,
GTB

[Jamie]

Hi science base and gtb, thanks for the feedback and glad you liked the song. I'm happy with the roger waters ref.ive had many refs to pink flood across diferent styles of songs and now you've mentioned the voice I wonder if that's why Cool if it is .
                Gtb the production on this was secondary to getting a version of the song recorded to see if it worked,so you're comments are valid. I'll work on the production more when I record it properly.
Cheers thanks again
Jamie