[Jamie]

http://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/king-of-broken-things/s-PRUzD

Originally a slower and longer song I decided to cut it shorter, speed it up and use different instrumentation. Interested to hear views. And it's not autobiographical :-)

King of broken things

I don't know why I'm here, I don't remember why your'e here
Spiralling out of control and twisting in the wind

Reason doesn't work any more and logic doesn't apply
joyless and deceitful hopeless and forlorn


Chorus
I'm the king of broken things I'm the master of farewell- repeat

Voices just out of hearing movement at the edge of your sight
You're alone but not on your own are you tormented by the silence?

Chorus

I can remember when I could see into the light
I can remember when I could touch and feel

Life will never be the same again

Dependant and depraved I'm watching in the dark
I can hear you breathing but you don't know I'm there

Life will never be the same again

Chorus

And I can remember when.........




 

[S.T.C]

Yeah it`s getting there..it`s a bit retro ,late 80`s/90`s  sound( having a second listen as i write)
like the energy that flows thru it...depeche mode.Tears for Fears ish..with someone else who i can`t think of @themo....

Work on it some more then i think it will be a good track.

[Neil C]

Good title. Its energetic, powerful with the minor melodies and key changes. I liked it.
Thoughts:
Perhaps you could look at the dynamics and vary the arrangement to heighten the chorus and differentiate the verse and maybe a Solo after the quiet section and before you come back into the main section at 2.07     
I think I'd to hear your vocals a bit more top of the mix. 
 
Neil

[Jamie]

Hi guys,
             Thanks for the feedback.I recorded this some weeks ago and I know it needs to be worked on a bit more (Neil your comments about the arrangement are relevant,thanks) but there is an energy in that version that I really like it almost sounds like a live recording of a band. In truth it was recorded very quickly more or less all in first takes.I expected comments about the darkness of the lyrics (dark even by my standards) so not sure if that's good or bad?
Thanks again, I'll keep working on this one!

Cheers

Jamie

[darreldo]

I like it, got a bind feel to the music, id just try to mix the vocals abit better, they seem abit didstant to me, either that or im going deaf!

[Jamie]

Hi darreldo, I've remixed it with vocals more to the fore and it helps. I think I'll re record it completely.

Thanks for the feedback

Working on some other stuff now but will get back to it.
Cheers
Jamie

[Alan Starkie]

It's definitely very retro sounding.

'War of the worlds' meets Duran Duran meets Bond.

I didn't like the kickdrum/Hats thing. The tempo is too fast for it. It's too quantised.

Good though as a song. I liked it. Interesting minor riffs and chord sequences.

Nice one.

[benjo]

hi Jamie,

nice sound I think your going the right way with this good vocals
well done mate,  tony...

[Jamie]

Hi Alan and Benjo,
                          Thanks for the feedback! One of my mates said the slow piano version of this sounded like 'Phantom of the Opera' but he's a bass player so that doesn't count :-) . Thankfully no-one ref'd that song ;-)
                          It does shift around a bit, but then I like that kind of thing, songs should sound interesting and different. Good to get the vocals mentioned, I'm always searching for good vocals/melody/and chord structures. If I play a chord structure and it sounds interesting on it's own played on piano or strings,then that's a good sign for me (but that's just me).

Keep the feedback coming

Cheers
Jamie

[diademgrove]

Hi Jamie,

if you like things to shift around a little you may be interested in what I heard when listening. I heard the instrumentation stop during the chorus. I just heard your voice, a little slower as well. The music seemed to reflect the lyrics and the confusion. Silence in the chorus reflects you're acceptance as the king of broken things.

Weird maybe but that's what I heard. If you're as weird as me and try it let me know how you get on. Of course feel free to ignore what I've written if it doesn't reflect your view of the song.

diadem

[Jamie]

Hi Diademgrove,
                      Thanks for the feedback. Interesting take on the song. I'm not sure if I'm reading your comments accurately, but for me the individual concerned (the king) doesn't accept his situation per se, he moves in and out of delusion out with his control (I don't know why I'm here etc),also he can remember when things were more 'normal' ( i could touch and feel etc).
                      However, your suggestion could add more drama to the sound. As said in a previous post I'm looking to re-record the song using various comments posted, so I'll try it then. Thanks for the comments, they are appreciated!

Cheers
Jamie

[Dutchbeat]

wow, what an energy! phat sound!!!

very cool, Jamie

remembered me a bit of Europe.... i mean, it has that hardrockish synthesizer sound

[diademgrove]

Hi Jamie,

that also fits because the music would then mirror his mind. Am I the king of broken things or not?

I'm not sure what it would sound like if you did, but it might sound really weird in a good way. Let me know if you try it, even if its just to say it sounded awful.

Thanks,

diadem

[Jamie]

Hi Dutchbeat,
                   Thanks for the feedback, yes the phat synth doubling the guitars adds a resonance that wasn't there without the synth, definitely adds to the 'weight'. Glad you liked it!

Hi Diademgrove,
                      I will try this when I re-record it and see how it sounds.
Thanks guys
 
Cheers
 Jamie

[montydog]

That's a cracking title. I thought the melody line on the chorus was a brilliant contrast to the melody in the rest of the song - the 2 parts sit very well together. This is not a soundscape I would normally listen to - it's too close to prog rock/metal which I don't like so I am a little biased. That being said, it sounds very professional to me and I think it's a strong song especially as this is only the demo form.