[Mr.Chainsaw]

Hey all

Been a while since I came on here...wow, the forum's exploded!

Work in progress? New admins? Great stuff! We just keep going from strength to strength

Anyway, I've been working on this track for ages now. I'd appreciate some feedback on production and generally fleshing it out (if you think it needs it)

ATM it's just my vocal, guitar, wee bit of organ and a bass drum. How does this all feel to you? Suggestions very welcome!

I'm gonna do a better take on the vocals too

Ta!

Peter


****


The Girl With The Gun

http://soundcloud.com/la-noir/the-girl-with-the-gun-mp3

Verse
There's a girl with a gun
Where she should have had a tongue
And when she speaks
She speaks to kill

Take a deep breath now
Before you shoot me down
We'll wave that white flag
And watch it burn

Chorus
Well honey you love to fight
Would you ever fight for love?
You say you're not sure
Well that makes two of us

Verse
Round and round we'll go
Always faster than before
Is it just me dahlin'
Is this all getting pretty old?

Take a deep breath now
Before we scream and shout
Can you even remember
What we're fighting about?

Chorus
Well you're quick to say what you think
You never think about what you're gonna say
We're drifting apart
Maybe we're better off this way

Outro
There was a time when we first met
We were in love, but we forget
Those nights in bed have over time
All turned into a passionless lie
You don't have to say a single word
You don't have to look me in the eye
Just hold my hand, together we'll stand
We'll stand and we'll watch something beautiful die

[nooms]

really nice song peter
works beautifully,
and love the change/build, guitar & extra kick drum raises it skyward

vocals a little tentative in places but certainly comes across..

thought perhaps you could add an 'ethereal' organ or string pad behind the chorus,
not big time just gentle, almost imperceptible, an extra presence..
but excellent stuff

and welcome back ! good to see the old Chainsaw brand back on the board !

[Mr.Chainsaw]

YOU'RE a mod too, nooms?

They'll give ANYONE five gold bars these days, I tell you...   

Peter

[Stylus]

I Like this!  Hi Peter   The guitar picking &  build up is awesome & works very well! Vocals are nice sounding & clear. The lyrics for me are sad  & rings home...the bitter truth about Love as we know it.
           accurate & sentimentally emotive      Very Sweet!   

                ( Shoot the wife)              Kiddin                Stylus 

[Jane99]

OMG i'm so in love with this song:) it sounds perfect to me. i love to hear more of your songs:)

[montydog]

That guitar hooked me straight away - I was sold from then in. Gorgeous vocals and a beautifully written song. Lovely chord changes, subtle and effective arrangement which held my interest throughout. Some real talent here to be sure. Totally my sort of thing - I could listen to an album's worth of this. Magical.

[S.T.C]

Nice one Peter...enjoyed that...good lyrics...meditative folk piece.

[Jess]

I really like this, the title drew me in straight away and I definitely wasn't disappointed- far from it in fact LOVE the guitar, I'm assuming you played that yourself? If you did (beginner guitar question here) do you record the whole song on guitar or just loop bits (like verses), because I never know which to do
Anyway, it was a really great piece, I've had it on in the background while writing this and I just really like it

[Saeed AlSuri]

I loved this song but loved the subject more .. very nice a tongue for a gun .. so many of them in the world these days .. 

how fast she can draw ?    .. or how fast she can shout ?  ..

so she draws to kill .. better to have a bolt prof vest .. 

Love it great song ..

Cheers ..

[theLostLad]

Wow. Thats pretty much my review over!

Given the title I was expecting a raucous rock song. I'm listening on small headphones, but the kick drum sounds like it could be a bit tighter (not time wise, I mean tuned up a bit). But the build up at the end is superb. I'm not sure what else you could add, but I'd be very cautious about adding too much. Organ would be good, as already suggested, or maybe some Edge/U2 style guitar but mixed way back.

[BooBoo]

This is so good! I can't believe it's just in progress. The sound is really good and so our the lyrics. Well done!

[Bernd]

Sounds finished to me - as opposed to several songs in the 'finished' section that don't sound like that at all. Sad, and beautiful, and wonderfully presented.

I find the switch from third to second person in the beginning a little irritating.

Bernd

[Dutchbeat]

Hey, Chainsaw! sorry, i should say, Mr. Chainsaw...

so good to see you are back, where have you been?

wow, cool that you are back, but also the song...sounds pretty perfect, the lyrics and the singing, the recording

crispy clear!
yes, that sounds pretty perfect and finished, but i would have let a full drum set kick in anyway, i think rightat that 3.05 mark

i love it, very u2-ish chord progression, which i mean as a huge compliment, well of course

oh man, this sounds good, it is just that big snare and the occasional big crash cymbal that i miss

[benjo]

hey,

what a nice piece,  hook works a treat had me from the first word
you've really got a voice so easy to listen to and guitar fantastic
well done to you great song, tony

[Mr.Chainsaw]

Wow, thanks Stylus, Jane99, songsthatcry, BooBoo, benjo, theLostLad! Way to make a feel a guy welcome to come back

Jess; i recorded the guitar in one go (admitedly several times, then used the take I liked). YOu get a "warts and all" feel, picking up those imperfections that make it human. I love Nick Drake and get alot of that from him.

Saeed AlSuri; like where you're taking that metaphor...a tongue as a weapon, maybe? You could do a protest song along those lines

Bernd; never noticed the 3rd person-2nd person shift...maybe it's because it's almost conversational after the first line? I dunno...I'm happy with it how it is now. Thanks for pointing it out though, never would have noticed (GCSE English was a loooong time ago!)

Dutchbeat; the cymbal and snare thing might be on the books. A bit like the end of "Fix You" by Coldplay, maybe? I'm getting together with a drummer next week so we'll see how it goes

As to where I've been, I've been travelling in Asia for 8 months, generally having an awesome time with awesome people

Great to be back, in the UK and the forum!

Peter