[theLostLad]

This is a definite work in progress. I'm putting it up here because I'm not sure about carrying on with it and I think some of it may be derivative, but as usual I'm not sure what! Lyrically its about doing you're own thing, either by willfully ignoring others, or having the confidence to strike out on your own. First verse is about an ex- who was into alternative/new age stuff and the middle eight is a riposte to this. Second verse is about a band I was in yeeeaars ago, which whilst enjoyable, I didn't contribute that much to musically probably due to a lack of confidence and was just content to play bass and defer to the songwriters. I think it needs a third verse about me now to sort of  meet up with the sentiment of the chorus (and maybe change a third chorus to 'My time may come, I'll keep banging my drum'?).

Its very rough and ready, strumming is a bit, erm, random! Anyway, here it is:

https://soundcloud.com/thelostlad/this-road-work-in-progress

A sunny disposition
Serves you well on a fair weather day
It’s your own tradition
Fate’s a freind when things go your way
You make it your mission
Making sure that you have your say
Talk about sedition
Cheap words are a masquerade

Chorus
Your age may come
Keep banging your drum
This road’s my own

Middle8?
You may believe in magic
Tragic destiny
I’ll leave to your own endsp
Don’t knock on for me
This road’s my own

I could be submissive
No combatant just listen and play
You seemed dismissive
So many thoughts were hidden away
Still found you addictive
You had me captured at the end of the day
But too prescriptive
I’ll take my leave only if I may

Your time may come
Keep banging your drum
This road’s my own
 

[diademgrove]

I like this, can't understand why you would want to dump it. Its got a nice melody and I like the strumming. Sounds like a slow song by The Faces to me, which is a good thing.

Although I find the lyrics a little awkward. I understand why you wrote the lyrics but the music's inviting me to join you on the road. It doesn't sound like I'm getting the brush off and having to find my own road.

Just my thoughts feel free to ignore them if they don't fit with the intentions you had for your song.

[theLostLad]

I like this, can't understand why you would want to dump it. Its got a nice melody and I like the strumming. Sounds like a slow song by The Faces to me, which is a good thing.

Although I find the lyrics a little awkward. I understand why you wrote the lyrics but the music's inviting me to join you on the road. It doesn't sound like I'm getting the brush off and having to find my own road.

Just my thoughts feel free to ignore them if they don't fit with the intentions you had for your song.

OK, I'm not going to dump it, I was just throwing my toys out of the pram and stamping my little feet in frustration/confusion!

I like what you say about the faces, and I can envisage a sort of bucolic, perhaps even shambolic folky arrangement - mandolins etc. I can understand what you mean about the lyrics. The was no real intention,  I just came up with the first few lines and that's were it lead me. Good point though, and thanks for the feedback.

[Dave Bradley]

Loads of potential! Please don't dump. Very retro, very nice, just add some audience applause and it'll sound like you did it live ;-) (Joking)

[theLostLad]

Its not necessarily meant to be retro, that must just be a symptom of getting old!

[Alan Starkie]

I like it. It's a grower.

I think it's more Small Faces than Faces.

Maybe too many 'ives....' In that 3rd and 4th verse section but definitely got potential to be a good song.

[theLostLad]

Thanks for the feedback Alan. I may tinker with the 3rd/4th verses so the the 5th and 7th lines are full rhymes with each other but half rhymes with 1st and 3rd lines.

<thinking cap on>

[montydog]

Your random strumming is my metronome-like solidity

I could do with your vocals up in the mix but despite that, this sounds like it has the makings of a good song - it's well constructed and the melody is strong. The lyrics are fine too - it just needs working up to a full arrangement.

[seriousfun]

Deffinately good bones holding this song together.  As far as the arrangement goes its quiet short so I would consider following your bridge with another chorus. This would help get your hook out there one more time as well.

Looking at your lyrics, I am not sure if it was your intention or not but your first verse is all about the person you are talking to and the 2nd verse is almost all about you. I think that is a good contrasting view point especially given that you incorporate both the speaker and the listener in the chorus. You could look at strengthening those view points by rewording the 3rd line of the 2nd verse and any other ideas you may have. To give two separate contrasts like that would help to really define your verses and make your chorus a real fulcrum for the song.

Good job.
Allan.