[montydog]

Hi,

Here's another song which I've written but not got round to recording properly. I'm wondering if it's worth spending time to make a full production out of it so any feedback welcome. There are several mistakes I'm afraid but it conveys what I'm trying to say.

P.S. A  whippoorwill is a bird.

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/sunlight-on-leaves

Sunlight on leaves
Shadows under trees
The things that she said
The words that I read
I can't keep time and I can't make it rhyme
It's history now under the heel and the plough

Breeze on my face
Our old secret place
Keeps calling to me
Don't know who to be
They ask me my name and the world is the same
In every way except the colour of my days

Remember what we had it's so so sad
Us against the world my own special girl
Thought that it would last
Now it's all in our past
Can't you see
When you look at me
I'm just a silent mask
I'm just a silent mask

The rain still falls
Whippoorwill still calls
He's forgotten his song
And the notes are all wrong
It's the same refrain but nothing remains
I'm standing here until the dream disappears

In my minds eye
Sun silvered sky
Lying on the grass
It went wrong so fast
No one stopped to say it would hurt this way
Too much to bear just a strand of your hair

Remember what we had it' so so sad
Us against the world my own special girl
Thought that it would last
Now it's all in our past
Can't you see
When you look at me
I'm just a silent mask
I'm just a silent mask

[Neil C]

Alan,
Lovely lyrics as usual.
Musically its a very gentle piece. And if I compare it to your other tunes its not really up there, so for me I think the lyrics deserve a more distinctive melody.
A thought: you often use verses with a simple pair of chords, perhaps try 3 or 4 and it might lead you down a different route....
Interesting to see where this goes and what others make of it..

Neil   
And a Whippoorwill lives in?     

[montydog]

And a Whippoorwill lives in?     

A nest on the ground

[Neil C]

Any particular part of the world?

[Dave Bradley]

North American bird, so-called for it's plaintive cry that sounds like someone shouting "whip poor Will!" I believe...

Great song. Definitely warrants re-recording to repeal those minor timing errors and to brighten the sound. But, the singing is great.

Whip it into shape, you know you want to ;-)

(Brought a lump to my throat, by the way)

[theLostLad]

Nice lyrics and fingerpicking as ever. OK, maybe I'd agree with the comments about the chorus but who am I to comment given my dirges??  I'd certainly re-record, push the vocals a bit more. I really like the title too.

Mention of whippoorwhill bugged me as I know I've heard it in a lyric before. Took a while for the grey matter to churn out the answer - it's Glen Campbell's Got To Have Tenderness, and now I know what he was talking about.

[S.T.C]

liked the lyrics,i found the finger picking a bit hurried,,,it`s a laid back tune and i wanted it to slow down a bit...i think the advise to use a couple of new chords might work,although i understand how tricky it is trying to sing,read lyrics and keep a tune going,

[montydog]

Mention of whippoorwhill bugged me as I know I've heard it in a lyric before. Took a while for the grey matter to churn out the answer - it's Glen Campbell's Got To Have Tenderness, and now I know what he was talking about.

No, it's from "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" by Hank Williams.

[theLostLad]

Mention of whippoorwhill bugged me as I know I've heard it in a lyric before. Took a while for the grey matter to churn out the answer - it's Glen Campbell's Got To Have Tenderness, and now I know what he was talking about.

No, it's from "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" by Hank Williams.

Which glen Campbell also covered. But the one that popped into my head was got to have tenderness:

The sun comes up in the morning
 Over the neighboring hill
 Breeze sings the song in the tree top
 In tune with Mr. Whippoorwill
 
Its the glen Campbell comp on the way to work this morning!

[Dutchbeat]

Great piece of work again

i really thought these lines stood out:

"They ask me my name and the world is the same
In every way except the colour of my days"

that is heavy man....

[benjo]

hi montydog,

tell you what really relaxing song here very nice,
I really think you should push your voice more you seem to hold back on it
push harder you could sound really great
the finger picking WOW thought that was great with this lovely choice of music
well done mate enjoyed this very much tony...

[seriousfun]

You sure write wonderful lyrics. And this was such a relaxing tune almost lullaby like. I dunno if it has legs like it is though Alan. I think I would look at changing the melody up some. To me its a little meandering, but then that is probably what has helped impart the lullaby feel to the music and the relaxing feel.

I guess it all comes back to what you want the song to achieve. If it is just a background song or a filler on an album its fine but if it is to stand up as a listening song I think you need to get a stronger melody going or at least a hook in there somewhere.

Your voice of course, is as wonderful as always. All the best with the songs development

Allan.

[adamholden]

Like this one. A little bit of Paul Simon, not least in the in guitar part. The only bit that doesn't work for me is the silent mask line. It doesn't deliver anything. Good stuff and enjoyable.

[Alan Starkie]

Good building blocks of a song here Alan. Vocal needs pushing more but that's already been mentioned. You need to build this as it progresses I think. Maybe raise the position of the chords near the end? I'd also consider slowing it down slightly so the pick doesn't sound rushed. Chorus needs some buildup/variation. It's slightly more relaxed than the verse which us the opposite of what you want.

Hope this helps. Great lyrics and fingerpicking.

Alan.