[ShinyThang]

This one is giving me a hard time. Some songs just drop out fully formed but this one has been a pain all the way. Sometimes I think that apart from a little more instrumentation this is finished but then I thing nooooo it's too ploddy!

What do you think?

https://soundcloud.com/geoffjamesevans/tearing-up-our-hearts/s-AAxl4

Tearing up our Hearts
Copyright © Geoffrey James Evans 2013 All rights reserved

I got a call from Sarah
Wanted me to tell her it's alright
Needed someone to hold her
Needed someone who wasn't going to fight   

Said she found herself shaking
In the rain with my number in her hand
The only call she was making
Said she knew I'd understand

She's not looking for answers
And I'll take my chances
She's not looking for fresh starts
She's just tearing up our hearts
Just tearing up our hearts

And now she's lying beside me
sleeping like my baby through the night
Her gentle breath on my body
And I can believe that it's alright

I know she'll desert me
but for now I am happy where I am
In the morning she'll hurt me
When she goes back to her man

We're not looking for answers
And we'll take our chances
We're not looking for fresh starts
We're just tearing up our hearts
Just tearing up our hearts

[Dave Bradley]

It sounds great! Nice Squeeze style.

I think the flow between lines in places doesn't quite go where I expected it to. Now, that can obviously be a good thing (surprise) but sometimes not so good (stuttering).

I think there are a couple of places where I was expecting the end of the line to lift and lead, but it drops a little instead ("...knew I'd understand"), also expected a little more of a lift into that crunchy guitar. I realise it's meant to be melancholic, but melancholic can pull up and then drop back down...

Good song, needs minor (pardon the pun) tweaks...

[montydog]

It needs the vocal to be more intimate - it's too distant and cold in the mix for the listener to "buy in" to the song. I think it needs more variation - some adding and subtracting of instruments or something instrumentally to catch the ear. Some variation in the pattern of the song would improve it. I think the song is basically pretty strong but it needs selling better.

[Neil C]

Mid tempo but not ploddy. I really like it, it has a nice warmth to it with the acoustic and your vocals.
And builds well into the 2nd verse. And I would agree with the other two comments about vocals.

I think I either have a harmony on the tearing up out heart chorus or some strings above and I'm not entirely sure about the electric guitar, its sounds a bit nasal to me and seems slightly at odds with the rhythm of the acoustic, perhaps just leave the chords from 2.07 onwards...
 
Neil
     

[theLostLad]

Lovely sounding guitar, really lush. Agree that the vocals need to be a bit more 'shouty' and forceful.

Didn't really like the staccato-ish electric, too persistent and detracted from the song. I think the acoustic is strong enough rhythmically to have a washed-out electric, more like at 2.40ish. Maybe take the voicing up the fretboard as the song progresses? Room for some backing vocals, even just Oh-oohs-oohs after the tearing up our hearts line. Definitely worth persisting with though.

[Saeed AlSuri]

hello Geoff ..

Great lyrics I really love it .. I rad them first then listened to the track .. when reading I got the sad and melancholy feel of the words ..

but the melody was happier then what I Expected ..  

Great work ..

Cheers

[Dutchbeat]

that sounds good, Shiny

as always

and yes, pretty happy and catchy melody

but i do think some more (key) instrumentation, if possible, perhaps just a bleep or a blop running through some parts in the second half, and that strumming guitar a bit softer, vocals a bit up, or a bit more body to it (mixwise)

really cool song, perhaps it more about the variation in the instrumentation, a little more variation to really take home all along, a bit more of final feeling at end, some string or some piano, but something to take it home in a more grand (more dramatic yet big) way


just some thoughts on first listen

[Stylus]

Hi Shiny  I Like the lyrics & the general feel of the song. It starts of very very good & then  it loses a little on the melody  & direction of song....this by no means detracts from a very nice song sung with a
nice voice & passion.  I sometimes will do a song then replay it & change bits of melody or lyrics untill a definative flow is achieved.         
                                             You certainly Have talent!   Thanks very nice  Stylus

[benjo]

hey,

good stuff I like it, I do agree with a few comments made above but yes good
great title that's a real hook for me tony ...

[The Color of Oldfield]

Hi,

Nice work musically and lyrically..

Agree with other comments re vocals in the mix, have you tried double tracking?

Think some one else mentioned about the electric staccato guitar...I think a nice clean simple melody to use as  a reference point would work with this song..

Good stuff.

[seriousfun]

Man this is a good song, its not only got good bones its legs as well, but its not without issues as it can be so much more.

My suggestions to lift it are to bring the vocal up a bit, its too low for this style of song. And as wonderful as that strummy guitar is its just too samey throughout the song and you need to bring it in and out. Also the guitar lead you are using is not working IMHO. I would tend to go with a much cleaner sound and bring it on a lot more at the end of chorus where it first comes in. The song is just crying out for a strong catchy lead break there and if you featured something like that it could help break up the sameness of the strummy acoustic through the song.

Just MHO for what they are worth but I really loved this song. Very strong just needing a couple of tweaks.

[man of simple pleasures]

i like how the drums kick in there! kinda reminds me of something, not sure on the sound of that electric guitar, sounds a bit thrash metal doesnt really suit it for me hmm i duno! nice melody strumalong tho!

[ShinyThang]

Many thanks for all the comments and suggestions everyone. I will be taking them on-board and I have an idea for a lead guitar line now which sounds good in my head at least. I won't be near a suitable guitar for a while though. Life is very busy at the moment with work, home, health and wealth all vying for attention. I have done a few reviews of other peep's work but this forum is moving so fast right now I really can't keep up.

[kiltimaghlad]

This is sounding good,

Maybe some melodies on the back of it end of this would be nice mate. Like another harmony on the vocal or OOh and ahhs double tracked.

Do you have an effect on the acoustic?

[ShinyThang]

Do you have an effect on the acoustic?

Um ... just a bit yeah ... first it was DI & miked up (one haard left the other hard right) then just a bit of compressor, chorus and reverb ... too much?