[habiTat]

Hey everyone,

Been busy on other things but the Seven Sins album is still simmering away..

This song has been very tricky. To try to convey wrath, anger, rage etc is not really my strength, I've written four completely different sets of lyrics for this and this is my best yet IMO.

This song will be towards the end of the album when our character is coming to terms with being dumped by the love of his life, his dreamy coma has thrown up all kinds of emotions and this is (hopefully) his vengeful side showing itself.

No music yet figured out (all my attempts end up being too 'pretty' and not angry enough)

Ira

You lit a fuse
Let me burn
Ran away
For no return

Set the wheels
In motion turn
No reversal
So undeserved

Ch.

Out of all...
You said to me
All the lies
The plain deceit
I am here
Trigger pulled
You're lying there
Bluff is called


In a beat
Heart is broke
Off the cuff
Cold words you spoke

Broken glass
Shattered heart
No return
I'm Smashed apart

Ch.
Out of all...
You said to me
All the lies
The plain deceit
I am here
Trigger pulled
You're lying there
Bluff is called

Your wasted pleas
On bended knees
Ever planting
Deadly seeds

You broke me deeply
Underneath
Now I'm fixing
Everything

[Kevin j]

i like these lyrics, i think it gets the emotion across very well,
they've got a great flow to it, especially te chorus, i got a melody in my in my head straight away for it, which is kin if annoying cos i struggle
to get melodys for some of my own songs, haha

[benjo]

hey hab,

WOW,  that's how I like lyrics
you.ve done a lovely job here
to keep it so tight to the point
and to say what you mean and get it across
with small amount of words
can't wait to hear this to music
well done again tony...

[S.T.C]

Thumbs up smiley...doh..we hav`n`t got one

[Jess]

I like this a lot! (And now I see why everyone tells me to take out all the unnecessary 'ands' 'when's & 'that's from my songs, because this looks so sharp and clean cut.) The rhyming with this is on point, the structure is ace and the whole imagery- broken glass, lit fuse, triggers- is amazing. Definitely your best piece. I can see what you mean about making it too pretty, you can imagine it like a heart broken ballad, but I really do think the anger will sound better. Best of luck

[BooBoo]

Really good piece of work here. You can feel the anger coming from it (or at least I could) and everything just fit perfectly together. It all flowed well and there are some great lines such as well the first verse! Really liked that, thought it was a strong start and made me want to carry on reading!

[theLostLad]

Short lines work well with rage, can imagine the lines being venomously spat! Trigger pulled line is chilling!

[GTB]

maybe you could ask Anthony Hopkins to do the vocals ;-)
GTB

[habiTat]

Thanks for all the positive comments everyone, that's very encouraging.

I just need to figure out an angry sounding melody now.

'venomously spat' , great advice lostlad 

Thanks

[theLostLad]

'venomously spat' , great advice lostlad 

Might use that one myself in a lyric!

[Lyrycalsoulz]

I imagine this to maybe be some form of dance slash pop song no? it was a nice read to say and lovely rhymes and comparisons u used

[Thomas Frederick]

I like this a lot! (And now I see why everyone tells me to take out all the unnecessary 'ands' 'when's & 'that's from my songs, because this looks so sharp and clean cut.) The rhyming with this is on point, the structure is ace and the whole imagery- broken glass, lit fuse, triggers- is amazing. Definitely your best piece. I can see what you mean about making it too pretty, you can imagine it like a heart broken ballad, but I really do think the anger will sound better. Best of luck

I agree with everything said here. Can't add much more other than I'm highly impressed! Very well done!

Tom.