konalavadome

Cristmassacre - yes, another xmas song :-)

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GTB

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« on: June 19, 2013, 04:14:56 PM »
This one is metal and scratch demo version is at:
https://soundcloud.com/gtbr/christmassacre

It was getting quite disturbing as I wrote it but a sudden change of pov fixed it - I think.
feedback welcome (btw - I know my singing is no good)
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oops, forgot the lyrics...


Christmassacre

verse 1
I was born on Christmas day, by a cruel twist of fate
I had to share my birthdays with a man I grew to hate
He takes all the attention that really should be mine
My friends just think it’s funny and they tell me not to whine

chorus
My parents must have planned it this way
Now I am going to make them pay

verse 2
Every year at Christmas, when I hear those stupid bells
I want to take a howitzer, and blow them all to hell
I will not participate, in compulsory fun
The congregation makes me sick, I’ll blast them with a gun

chorus
My family is going to feel my shame
Everyone is going to share my pain

bridge (Longfellow) - spoken
‘And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!’

verse 3
Every year in winter time, my family starts complaining
They want to build a snowman so I’m glad it’s always raining
I cry about my presents, until they take them back
I scream and shout, I make a noise, I leave my food, I break my toys

chorus
My parents must have planned it this way
Now I am going to make them pay

« Last Edit: June 19, 2013, 04:43:21 PM by GTB »
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jameba

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« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2013, 11:29:36 PM »
some really good lyrics in there for me, maybe room for a little adjustment on some lyrics, and for me a bit of a longer chorus. but that my opinion :) overall good song with some strong emotion it felt like

well done

James 


Neil C

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« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2013, 05:42:35 PM »
Nice live feel to it, strong verse ( and stronger than the chorus for me ) enjoying the lyrics and your delivery.
Cool guitar playing.
You sound like you meant it..... when is your birthday?
:)
Neil   
 
songwriter of no repute..

Jess

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« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2013, 05:58:35 PM »
Yay! Another one of your Christmas songs! I actually squeal with excitement every time I see you've posted one because I love them so much!
Anyway, this ones pretty dark but I really liked it, I mean I feel bad for liking it because I'm a Christian, but it's a really cool take on Christmas. It's true, no one wants their birthday on Christmas and the title is so witty, I love it. I'd just say, you'll probably end up offending someone (you always get one) but you can't please them all- as long as people see the 'funny' side, you should be fine.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I. Need. This. Album. In. My. Life. (Preferably signed too...;D)
"When writing a song, if your afraid to suck, you'll never write a note" -Jeff Boyle

GTB

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« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2013, 08:02:40 PM »
Thanks folks, it's really great to get feedback like this.
Jameba - I started with the bridge as a chorus and the current 2 chorus lines were a pre-chorus but it was too long and I really wanted to get some guitar in this one.  Now I've rearranged it I think the 'true' chorus is actually the instrumental bit - well I like to be different :-)
Neil C - I think the anguish/anger you can hear is just my normal voice - I'm hoping to get proper singers to redo all these demo's at some point.  Btw my birthday is in September ;-)
Jess - The first cd will be yours, and signed, that's a promise :-)  At one point the lyrics were actually offending me! until I got the perspective right in the last couple of lines.  It's not anti-christian, or anti anyone, more anti-everyone I guess ;-)

The idea for the whole album came out of the unbearable tedium and hypocrisy we have to endure with the same old cr*p dragged out year after year and everyone trying to beat everyone else to the xmas number 1 spot - it sickens me (and yet now I'm trying it - ha ha, I'll be the mother of all hypocrites!)
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Jess

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« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2013, 08:22:57 PM »
The idea for the whole album came out of the unbearable tedium and hypocrisy we have to endure with the same old cr*p dragged out year after year and everyone trying to beat everyone else to the xmas number 1 spot - it sickens me (and yet now I'm trying it - ha ha, I'll be the mother of all hypocrites!)
Just get Wham 'Last Christmas' off the radio and I will love you forever, seriously I hate that song so much my ears physically bleed each time I hear it (which if you listen to Heart radio, it's pretty much the only Christmas song they play). That and whatever the xfactor number one is. That's just as ear bleed worthy.
"When writing a song, if your afraid to suck, you'll never write a note" -Jeff Boyle

GTB

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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2013, 09:34:30 PM »

[/quote]
Just get Wham 'Last Christmas' off the radio ... my ears physically bleed each time I hear it
[/quote]

plus one for that Jess. The video makes your eyes bleed too  ::)
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