Table 9

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montydog

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« on: June 18, 2013, 05:52:02 PM »
Hi,

A friend of mine works in a restaurant and was telling me about how he imagines the back story of people sat on their own and about a woman who was sat at table 9 the previous evening. We challenged each other to write a song about an imaginary person at table 9 and this is what I came up with. Just me and a strummed acoustic. I'd appreciate your feedback on whether or not  it's any good plus any ideas for instrumentation or any improvements I could make. :D

It's a song about a mother separated from her son told from the 2 perspectives....

Thanks

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/table-9


She was sitting at table 9
Underneath the neon sign
For the whisky she was drinking
To take the pain away

There was a sadness I could see
When she looked over and said to me
I had a boy just like you once
In a golden yesterday


Sun was shining
Songbirds flying
I was lying
With my child
Then the crying
Felt like dying
As he was taken
From my side

I took out my wallet, showed her a picture
Faded by time but clearly mine
It was a young boy and his mother
And white blossom of early May

I said "This is my story I'd like to tell
About a teenage taste of hell
They said she was too young to keep me
It was best I heard them say

Sun was shining
Songbirds flying
I was standing
Just a child
Then the crying
Felt like dying
As she was taken
From my side

Now you tell me you are broken
20 years kept deep inside
But like the blackthorn through deep winter
A sweet smell is coming by and by

I've been searching for my whole life
A hundred cold towns down the line
For the woman in my photo
Now I found her at table 9

Sun is shining
Songbirds flying
I am standing
Just like a child
No more crying
Now I'm smiling
I have my mother
By my side
« Last Edit: June 18, 2013, 05:54:28 PM by montydog »

Dutchbeat

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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2013, 07:49:33 PM »
you are so good at storytelling songwriting

and that chord change to:
"Now you tell me you are broken
20 years kept deep inside"

sounds very good to me

 but in this case i was hoping for a modest (yet pretty dramatic) sounging drumpattern to kick in, that would work really well for me...i wish i could put one on there


diademgrove

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« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2013, 09:40:54 PM »
I'm new and am a bit apprehensive about commenting. I'm sure I'll feel ok once I settle in.

My only suggestion would be to play the guitar less during the passage from "Now you tell me.." to "...Now I've found her at table 9". Maybe just a lazy strum on the first beat of the bar or when the chord changes. It would make the discovery of "your mother" more dramatic as the guitar pattern you have established throughout the song just disappears, leaving only the words.

Other than this suggestion I didn't hear anything else that I would add. I liked the sound of the voice and guitar.

I enjoyed listening, thanks

diadem

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2013, 10:18:04 AM »
Hi Allan...quite like it...you are really good at weaving a story...totally kept my attention till the end...
I think you need to change the strumming pattern, maybe in the choruses...a violin might sound kind of cool in this song just to change it up here and there...very strong vocals...maybe some harmonies in the choruses...loved the bridge...I think you've got a winner here my forum friend :) thanks...CS

Dave Bradley

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« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2013, 11:56:07 AM »
Very laid back if upbeat...melancholic story but bright feeling. That chord change, exploiting melodic minor, is it? A major where you'd expect a minor chord?

Neil C

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« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2013, 08:46:14 PM »
Alan,
Sounds good, nice to hear you strumming, it moves along well.
Lyrics..great to hear a story and loved the Blackthorn bit..
Thoughts: not entirely convinced about the chords in the middle section. Perhaps a slower section for those words and then bring it back for the last pieces might work?
And a female vocals would site nicely above yours on the later chorus
Keep them coming
 :) :)
Neil
songwriter of no repute..

montydog

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« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2013, 12:40:32 PM »
Very laid back if upbeat...melancholic story but bright feeling. That chord change, exploiting melodic minor, is it? A major where you'd expect a minor chord?

That chord change from G to E was not based on any knowledge of musical theory (although I do have some) but I could hear where I wanted it to go in my head and just kept running through all the chords I knew until I found one that matched!

seriousfun

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« Reply #7 on: June 23, 2013, 10:43:57 PM »
Lyrically, this is a typical 'Monte' song. Strong, strong strong storytelling.

Vocally well delivered baut as pointed out by Suzi I think it needs a break from that strumming pattern. Maybe use a different pattern between verse and chorus or go to a fingerpick through the verses. Dunno, but certainly worth an experiment. The strum pattern you used is really nice and well done but its just a bit much all the way thru.

habiTat

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« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2013, 09:11:53 AM »
Yeah great writing again Monty, it's got a really nice pub-sing along, traditional folk feel to it, I think definitely worth developing further.

I'd be inclined to really give it some welly in the chorus's, maybe with some multiple vocals to emulate a pub feel, added to that some stomping and maybe an accordion or harmonica and this could be a really great track.

Excellent job mister :)

hab..