Under Control - The Color Of Oldfield

  • 4 Replies
  • 1374 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

The Color of Oldfield

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 34
« on: June 16, 2013, 04:49:52 PM »
Hi GUys,

New to this forum and so thought i would post my latest song on here for, hopefully, some feedback.

Just got into recording at home (using Logic on a mac), however, been songwriting and singing / gigging for years....

Link to my song is https://soundcloud.com/peteroldfield/under-control

Lyrics are:

On deadly ground I wandered, and wondered is this hell
The daylight glow, surrounds me now, apocalyptic hell
A dirty bomb for a dirty war, a pocket full of cash
You my friend, you got some balls yeah, step on up
Well show this crazy world, in which we live
Just who's in charge

Weve got this thing under control
Weve got your interests in our hearts
Weve got your blood on our hands
Weve got this thing under control

A little lie, in point of fact
The masses will be heard
Cos a lone single voice aint gonna change the world, let alone sad songs
cos a little fear goes a long long way
words cannot convey
And if i could yes i would, if i could
Id show this crazy world, in which we live
Just who's in charge

Weve got this thing under control
Weve got your interests in our hearts
Weve got your blood on our hands
Weve got this thing under control

Hope you like what you hear and welcome your comments....

Thanks and regards,

Pete Oldfield
The Color Of Oldfield

seriousfun

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1681
    • Allan Kilgour - Original Compositions
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2013, 03:02:18 AM »
I like this Pete, some very good lyrics and sung ever so well. I did notice that you really don't have any sort of rhyming structure going on at all in the song. IMHO I think that is a mistake. Rhymes are important to carry the listener on and help to set things up. 99.99% of songs include a solid consistent rhyming structure, for a reason. I think you should reconsider your lyrics and add a consistent rhyming pattern.

Including wandered and wondered in the same line is working really well, likewise with the if I could yes I would if I could line. Your verse chorus structure works well, unusual to have an odd number of lines in the verse but its working especially with the last line being repeated in each verse.

I like the melody you have chosen and the playing sounds pretty good but I think you have a problem or too in your mixing. Most of the sounds are very brittle and you seem to have a lot of high frequencies going on in the mix almost as if you have put a low shelf on everything except the bass and set the threshold too high. I could be completely wrong about the cause but that is the sort of effect you have ended up with. Sounds like you need some more compression on the guitars as well but these are just mixing issues as it sounds like you have things recorded pretty well. There are others on the forum that know a bit more about this than I so I am sure you will receive more specific advice if they view your post.

Its a really good song with some great potential I just don't think it is quiet there yet. Good write though.

Allan.

Dave Bradley

  • *
  • Solo Gig
  • ***
  • Posts: 350
    • Dave Bradley Music
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2013, 11:29:05 AM »
I like it! Quite retro in sound and style...mid-80s (but without the saturation of keyboards), like a very soft U2 crossed with the Bunnymen. I reckon the mix needs something more the backing sits in too different an aural space from the main vocal, they need to be pulled together to make it all a bit more cohesive, I'm sure you know what to do and that this is a work in progress. Want a bigger bass sound for sure, and those "Hong Kong Garden" guitar licks to be spikier.

Neil C

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3970
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2013, 05:36:22 PM »
Welcome and thanks for sharing.
I liked the lyrics. It moves along with clear playing and arrangement. I was hearing a little bit of Icehouse: +ve - if anybody remembers them?
Thoughts: I'd like a bit more variation in the vocal melody, perhaps a middle 8 and I'd think about rationing the catchy guitar motif a bit so it has more impact.   
Good luck with it
:)
Neil
songwriter of no repute..

The Color of Oldfield

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 34
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2013, 06:47:24 PM »
Wow - thanks guys for the comments, makes so much sense. Never subjected my material to any thing like this before but from the comments i am receiving i know exactly what you are saying. I guess you can get so wrapped up in your self that sometimes, a step back and other peoples "input" is often needed to push a song forward.

I think i will be spending this week end applying a different perspective to my music.

I am a little new to logic and sound recording so guess i have a long road  ahead of me but thankful there are places like this where you can get a real honest opinion for the price of a......broadband connection!!

Thanks again guys, hopefully will be posting more stuff shortly!

Have a good week end y'all!