[The Shadow]

nice i like what was posted!!! i got some ideas on how to change it n stuff so i'll see what i got

[seriousfun]

Just a heads up here,

Its best to only post once a week or even less. The idea behind that is to prevent posts from dropping off the front page too quickly before people have had a chance to respond. This section of the forum basically adheres to the same rules as the song section. Those rules can be found here

http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/guidelines-for-posting-a-song-review-please-read-before-posting/

Also the more feedback you offer others the more feedback you will receive in turn. Its a help each other type forum. I am not a moderator, just another user like you so please take these comments in the friendly and helpful manner that they were intended.

Cheers
Allan.

[Innominate]

I made it into a punk song. Although you can't hear the music, trust me, it's pretty damn mediocre! It's also sung with an accent ala Sex Pistols front man Johnny Rotten, so rhyming is easier.

You think no one knows your pain,
The truth is we're all the same,
We all have days where we just want to
Disappear

You got dumped by your
Favorite girl?
My gal died in the
Hospital

Think it's tough when
You're in school?
Try three years spent
Stuck in jail!

So what do you know?
What do you know?

Daddy take a-
way your toys?
Try one christmas
Unemployed

Mommy leave when
You were five?
Go try being
Why she died!

So what do you know?
What do you know?
What do you know?
Well?!

You think no one knows your pain,
The truth is we're all the same,
We all have days where we just want to
Disappear

There aint nothing you could feel
Not been felt since man's first wheels
There aint nothing you have done
Aint been done by countless ones
Before you
(Before you)

Tell me now just
How it goes
How i'll never
Ever know

Just how deep of
Pain you're in
Sunk so far it
Never ends!

You think no one knows your pain,
The truth is we're all the same,
We all have days where we just want to
Disappear

So what do you know?!
WHAT DO YOU KNOW!?

You think no one knows your pain,
The truth is we're all the same,
We all have days where we just want to
Disappear!
Disappear!
Disappear!

[GTB]

Hi Innominate, I'm glad you said it's punk because that really helped me to 'hear' it on first reading.  The lyrics seem very bitter so I guess punk style fits the lyrics well, but there are a couple of bits that I don't get (could be just me tho).  E.g. "Go try being when she died"; I do get the meaning but the word 'being' seems a bit strange.  Also "man's first wheels" seems a little obscure.  These are just trivial observations though as in a punk style I think it wouldn't detract from the finished song at all.  Good song, especially for punk :-)
GTB

[benjo]

hey innominate,

really enjoyed this read, i can imagine this being shouted out
like by a punk band,

Mommy leave when
You were five?
Go try being
Why she died!

this piece really stood out to me, LIKE IT A lot
the way the word MOMMY is used rather than MUMMY
gave me the american feel and i liked that too
well done nice work take care...