[The Shadow]

taken all of your advice in to consdieration both make very good points, have taken it down to work on again before i get overload with ideas etc, will post back up when its ready

[seriousfun]

This sounds like a guy who's girl has left him to take off with another guy. He is asking himself why?  was cause she like him ( the destination ) or was it cause she wanted the excitement of the affair ( the drive ).

If I am correct with my interpretation the first thing you need to do to progress this is write a short story, about 12 lines to define what happens. When you write it don't worry about rhymes, lines length or structure just write it like a story with plot. Make sure it has an ending and a place somewhere that defines it. This place that defines the story will be the chorus.

Once you have the thing down pat and you know where you are going rewrite it into the song. So far what you have is pretty good, though I would change a couple of words in the first verse as you are mixing up your tense in that verse.

It should read, IMHO,

did he take you to that place,
where you were hoping to arrive?
was it about the destination,
or was it about the drive?

I have highlighted the two words I suggested to change. Its just that using is implies a current tense where as you first two lines talk in the past tense so it is best to remain consistent.

I would write the chorus next as that is the most important part of a song an should contain the song title and the main hook. Try to treat each verse like a new chapter in a book ie: bring in new information, ideas or feelings and don't simply repeat what has been said in the previous verses using different words.  If you use a bridge in the song the bridge would need to take the song somewhere new but still bring it back to the chorus. Quite a bit harder to write properly IMHO.

Good luck with the song, it will be interesting to hear where it goes. I am intrigued by the story, its a novel way to look at this relationship breakdown by concentrating on the reason.

Allan.

[Innominate]

seriousfun makes many excellent points, particularly in the second half of his post. The verse furthers the story of the song, adding information, developing the plot. The chorus is best suited to contain the heart of the song, clearly expressing the one main idea of the song and emphasizing it. It's often effective if the chorus is simpler lyrically and repeats nicely. The chorus is like the key to the song lock.

Here's something to watch out for, where you place the stresses in your lines. The arrangement of them within the lyric is a huge part of the rhythm of the words and music. Reading your first verse, i'm not sure where to put them. For instance, the word 'Produce' has two meanings, the stress determines which one(Bolded portions are where the stress is place)

Produce = To create or achieve
Produce = Vegetables and fruit

As far as your lyrics go, I had a hard time figuring out where they go. This is often helped by the rhyme scheme and meter of the poem which indicates where the stresses should go because the audience becomes familiar with the pattern the song uses. Being mindful of this relationship helps us craft easy sounding, well flowing lyrics. Your verse for instance, I read first like this:

Did he take you to that place,
Where you were hoping to arrive?
Was it about the destination,
Or was it about the drive?

I wanted to repeat the pattern of the first couplet but i can't, it doesn't sound right, especially with the extra syllable. So I had to figure out how you might have intended it and re-read it like this:

Did he take you to that place,
Where you were hoping to arrive?
Was it about the destination,
Or was it about the drive?

But moving the stress makes the three syllables before it sound off because the pattern from the first couplet isn't the same, they feel crammed in.

But then again maybe I'm bad at reading. Sooooo maybe just ignore me.

Two thoughts about the lyrics and where to maybe go with it. First, since the main theme is "Why the hell would she leave me, i don't understand?!", perhaps the verses could show the struggle in understanding. Why would he think she wants to stay in the first place? Obviously he thought he gave her what she wanted but she left anyway. That there is the source of the conflict, if he did something wrong or knew he was being a terrible partner, he couldn't be asking the question "why?" List the reasons he has that cause the confusion: they have a big house, lots of money, kids, a nice ring etc. That's one way you could go.

The second point is that I think the chorus should be a combination of the two, this is how I might rewrite it including changing the pattern to flow easier(not knowing anything about the melody mind you):

Did he take you to that place,
Where you were hoping to arrive?
Was it just the destination?
Was it only just the drive?

Is this really what you wanted?
Is this really how it ends?
We were not just simply lovers,
But the very best of friends.

Lastly the title, while on it's own garners interest, doesn't really relate to the content of the song. If getting dumped by a women is what makes a man, that needs explaining and should be the focus. Why does that make one a man? This song is more about why she left and his disbelief. Unless that's really what you think being a man is about and it's obvious to you. If so, we simply see it differently.

Hope that helps and remember, you asked for opinions so....I gave them.