[crystalsuzy]

Hi guys...here's one that I've resurrected from a few years ago...not totally sure if it's working or not, especially the outro part ...all feedback and suggestions would be greatly appreciated

https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/falling-into-you-c

Seasoned in the sun, mellowed by the moon
We catch in the rays and run, ending far too soon
You gently brush my mind, with whispers in my ear
I close my mind to find, the moment disappear

Laughing in the rain, I see you
Crying in the sun, I want you
Making peace with pain, I feel you, holding me
I'm falling, falling, falling, into myself
Falling, falling, falling, into myself
Falling into me...I'm falling into you

Then I look and see, that moment was a lifetime
Of dreams and memories, intoxicating wine
Footprints in the sand, I watch them helplessly
Time takes me by the hand, and pulls me, out to sea

Laughing in the rain, I see you
Crying in the sun, I want you
Making peace with pain, I feel you, holding me
I'm falling, falling, falling, into myself
Falling, falling, falling, into myself
Falling into me...I'm falling into you

far out weird spacey ending

[seriousfun]

Had a few listens to this suzie, I reckon its going to be a good song for you but as it stands I think it has some arrangement issues. Its such a delicate song with amazing vocals and some lovely melodic instrument touches and you need to show case these properly. You have beach sounds coming in quite often and I would take those out, they only serve to unnecessarily complicate the song and detract from the wonderful vocal and melody. At about 30 sec and again at 1.30 the beach comes in without any connection. If you feel you want to leave the beach sound in then I would suggest limiting it to verse 2 where there is a lyrical connection.

The chorus lines with the repeated use of falling in a descending scale and call backs is a very strong hook, well done on this. I think you have the opportunity to build the chorus or at least the 2nd chorus with some orchestral parts, seems to be calling our for it IMHO.

If the track ended before your outro it would be about 3.5 mins long. The outro you have used then contributes a further 1 minute or about 30% of the existing song. Considering the random nature of the outro and the length it is adding I feel its way too long. I actually question its merit altogether it kinda highjacks the song. Perhaps about 15 seconds of the outro used through a fadeout would be more acceptable but I wonder if this might be a nice place to use a repeat of your beach sound after introducing it in the 2nd verse and just letting a beach sound take the song out?

The start of the song is wonderful. Some very tastefully applied instruments to set up the delicate track and introduce listeners to the melody, very nice indeed.

This is a good song Suzie and I think it just needs a little rearranging to make it great. Kudos on this write.

Please don't take anything negative from what I have written as its really all positive stuff to move the song forward. I like it.

[Neil C]

New age ballad? Indeed it is. It has a lovely delicate way about the song and arrangement ( which has a retro 70's feel about it ) which totally marry with the words. 'The falling' chorus piece at 1.17 is as Allan says very strong with the multipart vocals. I think I would want to end on that as a repeating outro from at 3.20 onwards for the single version....
Peaceful

Neil   
 

[Dutchbeat]

mhh, very nice again

really like the soft and beautiful vocals on this, they work really well, and the melody is very nice....

pretty perfect!

[stephaniedema]

Hi Suzie!

When listening to this one, I can't help but think: we need more flute! Lovely intro.
Very sweet song. And as Allan (and Neil) said, the "falling" overlays are very clever and absolutely do the trick.
I guess I can see what you were trying to do with the outro, but it didn't really work for me TBH.
I think you should end on the strong hook that your song has, being the vocal overlays.

It sticks though and that's a very good thing

SD

[crystalsuzy]

Thanks guys for all your awesome suggestions and kind words I agree with you Allan, Niel and Steph about the outro...it is too long or not necessary at all and I like the idea of going out on the 'falling' part...this track was transferred from a tape into garageband, because the computer that it was originally recorded on crashed, so all of this song was lost...fortunately we'd put it on a tape but it's all one track...it would be very difficult to redo the backing track because my friend that recorded this with me, no longer lives here...I added my vocals over the ones on the tape because they were so muffled...I'm not sure why there is so much wave sound in there Allan, but I don't know how to take it out(do you have any suggestions?)...maybe I could put some strings or flute over top of it...I'm happy that no one noticed too much tape noise...I did my best to take it out...again thanks for your input..it's just what I was looking for...I will play around with it and see if I can improve the arrangement ...thanks again

[Alan Starkie]

Suzy - I really like this song! It just needs some TLC applying to the recording.

I got a massive Free Design vibe from it. 'Kites are fun'...etc

I'd just go with it and hone the recording side and work really hard on getting the best possible tracks down. It's very very interesting and had my attention throughout.

Thanks,

Alan.

[James Nighthawk]

I am with Allan and Allan (Seriousfun) here. Tidy up the recording and the arrangement, with careful nudges to the harmonic bed here and there, and you'll have a lovely track.

It is an odd little beast. I imagine it is what Abba would have sounded like if they had ever written a musical (and no, Mamma Mia doesn't count!).

The psychedelic edge is perhaps at odds with the general prettiness of the track, and I am not sure it fits, or is needed? Bjork is perhaps a touching stone here - even when she goes bonkers, there is a consistency that is lacking here.   

Not one of my favs of yours as stands, but I would definitely do some work on it and see what comes out

[crystalsuzy]

Thanks Allan and James for you reviews...not sure what to do with this one...'it's an odd beast indeed'
...does anyone know how tho get rid of tape noise??? other than noise gate in garage band, which helped to some degree, but didn't totally get ride of it...
as for the psychedelic ending ...I guess it depends on how one interprets this this song...for me it's a song about leaving the body, so to speak:o ...so the 'far out' ending really brings it into that other dimensional realm...I agree it's probably too long and needs some cleaning up, but I don't want to lose it completely...I think it would be cool to repeat the 'falling falling' part, but before or after the psychedelic ending??...any suggestions??
Thanks again forum buddies...you guys are all so awesome

[grassbath]

I'll throw my opinion into the ring and say that I thought the psychedelic ending was cool and did work, but was too long. Perhaps you could drift off into it for a shorter amount of time, and then bring it back to the main "falling" hook and fade out on that? One example I would compare this idea to is "Fakin It" by Simon and Garfunkel, which fades into some sound effects and a woman talking and then comes back into the chorus to great effect (obviously the song is very different from yours but you may see what I mean!)

Very pretty melody though, as has been unanimously agreed, and the Bjork-esque dreamy atmosphere certainly reflected what you said the song was about.

[Kafla]

Hey Suzy,

I think this is really cool , its got that Kate Bush thing going on

I think it could be pushed more in the ambient direction - just a cleaner, fresher updated synth sound - it sounds a little dated

In terms of writing - whats not to like - its beautifully lush at times, great lyrics and your voice sounds really , really comfortable here - I think this is a very strong song indeed 

[ShinyThang]

I love your ability to be you. Everything you do is clever, different and a treat to listen to.

Making peace with pain ...

I guess this could end at 3:47 for the single and keep going on the album version. Really nice song.

P.s. I tawt I heard a puddy tat?

[crystalsuzy]

thanks again guys for your helpful advice...half of you seem to like the psychedelic ending and half don't, so I guess I will go with shorting it and ending with the falling hook as has been suggested...as it was transferred from and audio tape and I don't have the original recording...I might have to start from scratch which might be a problem ...I've managed to get rid of more of the tape noise but can't get ride of the wave sounds...does anyone know how I might do this maybe I'll check in the recording section...anyway thanks again...you are all so awesomely supportive