I think this is decent - not perfect by any means - but full of charm and raw potential.
Of course it needs tweeking in places, such as the down-clown rhyme; it's slightly awkward and clumsy despite fitting with the general theme...
The rhythm seems slightly off in places also, so I'd look over certain lines such as the billing line, as several have said.
Also, I'd love to see this piece lengthened a bit; I feel it have more to give, and it'd be a great piece if it were just a bit more full.
Now all of the positives;
The theme of this song is just brilliant - it makes a welcome change to all the typical songs about love and dark/twisted romance or whatever. It's very down-to-earth and a stark song.
I think the repetition of "you were the one" in that verse is also very effective and really drives home the point of betrayal in the song.
I also like that most of the lines are simple and just get the point across without any excessive words, which quite difficult to do (I can vouch for that from personal experience).
I also think the ending is the most effective ending possible; I can imagine the music fading and the vocalist growing weaker as the final lines are sung... it's perfect!
I very much hope to see more!
