[habiTat]

Hello again,

Right, nitty gritty time now, the album is coming on well, I'm happy so far. Problem is, the deeper I get and the better it gets, the harder it is to come up with a song that sounds original enough to be different but not too different as to 'not fit' with the others. ya get me? 

Writing 9 songs that all fit together, yet all sound individual is actually a bit of a challenge 

This one is an attempt at that very thing. I've come up with a song which (when recorded properly) will hopefully bridge a gap from the melancholic 'Gula' (Gluttony) to the eventual angry bashy crashy 'Ira' (wrath)

I've managed to write something that stretches my vocal range and tests my playing abilities again (the chorus is at a different tempo to the verses)

Does this work or is it a bit ballady or just plain disjointed?

p.s. The nylon string will be replaced in the proper recording with a steel string when I get it (ahem Birthday v.soon ) this an iphone recording only at this stage..

All suggestions on production would also be great, I reckon it'll need to be a bit Mumford in the chorus's, what do you think?

http://soundcloud.com/habitatsongs/invidia-early-demo

Maybe I
I got it wrong
My jealousy
Went on too long

Maybe I
Was hard to take
Maybe I was
Your mistake

It looks to me
From where I stand
He took my life
And all my plans

All the dreams
I shared with you
There's nothing now
That I can do

You're with him in a rumour
You're with him in our bed
Every time I see you
You're with him in my head

I seen you laugh
I made you cry
He held your hand
And dried your eye
You walked away
And ended me
And now he's taken
everything


If I had
One last chance
Move him aside
For our romance

Would you think
Would you say yes?
Or just decline me
I expect

You're with him in a rumour
You're with him in our bed
Every time I see you
You're with him in my head

I seen you laugh
I made you cry
He held your hand
And dried your eye

You walked away
And ended me
And now he's taken
 everything


everything

[Dan-d-1985]

Hey man,

The way you describe it sitting in between an calm and an angry track, this could work well.

I think if you were going to bring it into the angrier track, i'd start looking to bring a drum section into this. I'd do it at the beginning of the first"i seen you laugh" section and keep it going from then even lightly in the background on the verses again (i'll think rock minded tho, so that's how i'd do it).

If you left it as it was, there is a slight contrast to the as you move into the i seen you laugh sections but if it's accompanied by drums/bass or maybe a 2nd guitar, then it's no so stark and more movement changing. Or leave a bigger gap so the listener has just enough time to lose the beat of the previous section and doesn't feel the change as clearly?

Anyway, it's cool, and I look forward to hearing more from your project. I've always fancied doing a concept album, but as you say, tying everything in without all sounding overly similar is tough.

I always have metropolis pt2 - scenes from a memory by dream theater and 2112 as my concept album targets. I'll maybe make it there. One day.

[Neil C]

habiTAT,
Good melody and words.
The change in rhythm was a bit odd the first time round ( note Neil Young makes it work for him ) bur 
given this is envy it needs to bit a bit more aggressive rather than wistful with the end of the music matching the theme.
So i'm wondering about the structure with the change in rhythm, not so much the change 'up' but by repeating the sequence you come back down again at 1.55 before you build again. It might be more powerful to slowly build over the whole song and use the tempo change a bit later but for a longer section. I hope that makes some sense.

I actually like the guitar sound, maybe use that for the more delicate numbers and the steel strings for the more upbeat numbers?

Production wise you could keep it stripped and leave it all down to the performance and just be ENVIOUS

Neil
 

[Kafla]

Yeah this is a clever one indeed

I love the rhythm change a lot - you should listen to 'expecting to fly' The Bluetones - I can hear this song in exactly the same arrangement as a lot of that album - oddly enough the title was a nod to Neil Young

I know this is a iphone demo but as a general point your voice always sounds very dry to me - I think its crying out for some reverb and a little delay - you have a dreamy , ethereal like quality in your vocals and I think you could accentuate this quality 

You know this project is so ambitious - I think you should approach forum members to help you beef up the arrangement - get Neil C playing some lead for you , use seriousfun for more orchestration, DB for some synths , Flossie for a little piano 

You really could make this mega  

[GTB]

I'd love to hear Metallica do this one; dark & broody, menacing... and to me it doesn't give away whether the singer goes to sadness or to anger from this - envy written all over it.  Excellent stuff!
GTB

[habiTat]

Ah ok, thanks guys,

@Neil, I like the idea of leaving the change until later, like a mood changer for the second half of the song, I'll look in to that.

@Kaf, yep I've already lined up Flossie for one of the tracks and I do want to get SF to do some more strings and bass for me (if he's up for it), not sure about the idea of synths though, I want to keep it acoustic sounding really.

Thanks for the feedback guys, I was unsure with this one, tbh I always struggle with the more complex songs, the ones that need more instrumentation etc. I prefer to work on the really simple stripped back songs but I'm aware of the need to push on and make this album worth listening to. The odd vox/guitar track can be a nice relief but a whole album of it would be potentially quite dull so these bigger songs are a necessity and are always very rewarding in the end.

[Michael]

I can definitely feel the jealeousy (and quite a big chunk of anger) in the guitar playing. Should be a nice change of pace for the concept album.

Speaking of a change of pace: Switching from a slow and steady 4/4 to a fast and more aggressive 3/4 and back is a bold move - but it works really well. And I did hear some Mumford & Sons in the chorus

As for advice: I think doubling the guitar for the chorus could sound cool. Maybe also a tambourine, or a single bass drum?
I also think the verses are crying out for a slow bass track (starting at 0:36)

Oh, and of course I'm expecting lots of those lovely harmonies of yours in the finished version

[seriousfun]

Hey John,

Have an idea that some rhythmic strings could really push that rhythym change along for you if you want me to experiment on that I would love to have a go. Just message me if you want and send me an mp3 of the track and the tempo used and Ill record a few wav options for you like I did last time. Lyrically, I think it may be a little soft for envy. I was thinking it would be more demanding and wanting, maybe just toward the end?  Dunno, its always hard to know with these songs as you have to think with the big picture in mind and its hard to do that. I really like the song though, as Kaf said, its clever. Anything I can do to help on any tracks just let me know.

Allan.

[habiTat]

Cool thanks Allan, I'm away from home for a week but when I get back ill sort a proper recording and message you.

[crystalsuzy]

Hi HabiTat...love what you're doing on this project...this is song is right up there with the other's...envy is a hard one because it can present itself calmly or very aggressively...I like what you've done with it ...I love the time change but agree that maybe it should come a little later to build into the next song...although I do like to hear it more than once...I agree with some of the other suggestions already made, but all in all, I think you've got a mega brilliant project coming together here ...can't wait to hear this one in it's finished state

[Dutchbeat]

good lyrics on a nice, clear melody

i don't really like that change of the strumming rhytm, for some reason, sorry

but the melody and words sound very! good to me, i think you could look for variations in your arrangments by using other instruments especially...

i was wondering, perhaps you could start a competition for forumites to take one of these nine songs, and have them propose a remix / addition of instruments....just a thought....of course the songs would go all over the place...but you could use the ideas that fit...that will totally give these songs great variation in sound...(probably too much variation)

i think you already worked with Monty (or was it seriousfun?) on one of your songs
 

[montydog]

I say leave this guitar on the final recording  - it's perfect for the timbre of the song. I'd leave a slightly longer pause between tempo shifts but otherwise I think it's pretty spot. It's a very assured, confident melody which conveys the anger in the song along with your powerful delivery and the great lyrics. This concept album is just one jewel after another. Lovely job.

Alan