[seriousfun]

This is one is not strictly a work in progress being 99% of the way finished but I am open for any minor tweaking that gets suggested. Its the story of a guy who falls for a working girl on the poor side of town and is trying to keep his interest in her under the radar.

Thanks for listening and any comments you make like to offer.

https://soundcloud.com/allan-kilgour/on-the-poor-side


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This work is now completed and I have made a lot of changes. Almost a complete lyric rewrite which went from first person to third person. Gave it a better story line and took away the whorehouse references to make it more acceptable for a singer to use.

Reduced the number of guitar riffs to shorten the song to under 4 mins and to allow the chorus to arrive earlier. Add some riffs to the outro to spice it up a little. Tightened up all the harmonies and fixed a few vocal issues I wasn't happy with. Have replaced the lyrics posted and the audio on soundcloud has been updated as well.

*************************************************************

On The Poor Side
==============

Walkin’  in the shadows hat pulled low
Just try to remain incognito
Gonna be home late tonight
He’s Gotta a new gal and shes a sight

She wants to show him off to her kin
But he don’t like the poverty and the sin   
He can’t take her home to his folks
Just can’t abide the endless jibes and jokes

Chorus

Spending all his night, On the poor side
Pay a dollar for her loving touch
Spending all his night, On the poor side
another dollar cant get enough
He’s spending his night, On the poor side
Smooth as silk yet shes sleepin rough
Spending all his night, On the poor side
Spending all his night, On the poor side

He gotta love her from across the way
And this is the way it has to stay
Long distance love don’t amount to much
Not without the feel of a lover’s touch

Repeat chorus

He’s lovin’ his gal over in the poor side
He’s lovin’ his gal no one to confide
He’s lovin’ his gal over on the poor side
He’s lovin’ his gal and no one knows oh yeah
He’s lovin’ his gal over in the poor side
He’s lovin’ his gal no one to confide 

[Michael]

Catchy tune! Kind of got a country vibe going on, but with a more modern sound.

Very strong and powerful opening, I like that guitar in my right speaker a lot. Gets my foot tapping right away from the beginning. And then the short guitar solo inbetween verses - very cool

The piano in the chorus is a nice touch. A change of instrumentation and high vocal harmonies - a great way to make the chorus stand out in an arrangement that is already quite saturated (not too much though).

I agree with you, that you're already 99% of the way there. What little critique I can find here is all just small things:

I think the vocals (the ones in the chorus in particular - both backing and man vocals) could be slightly higher in the mix. In the first two verses the balance was just perfect, but in the chorus and also in the 3rd verse I head to listen for them more carefully to understand them in the mix.

The other point is the hi-hat in the verses: I had the feeling it sounded just a bit too mechanical, too perfect with little variation in rhythm or velocity. Apart from that the drums sound great. I really like those three single tom-hits at the end of the verse parts (And I might steal that some time in the future  )
Might I ask what drum VSTI you're using?

[S.T.C]

Good rhythm .....it`s a song for a night time drive ....

I think Michaels said the rest.

[Neil C]

Allan,
Good crisp opening. Nice guitar sound, liking the drumming and piano when it comes in later.
I know its nearly complete but for me there are a few two many guitar breaks and it takes too long to get the the first chorus so I'd drop the 2nd one at 1.26 and go straight to chorus and do the same at 2.50...
A touch of Travelling Willburys perhaps?

Neil

[montydog]

Allan,

Definitely the best thing you've ever posted. Hard to fault and so much to like. Driven by a wonderful drum track and great, fluid guitar playing. My only slight suggestion would be that the second line of the chorus gets a little lost - that could be sung louder or pushed up in the mix. Otherwise, pretty damn perfect example of the genre. Your recent material is really top notch.

Another Alan

[seriousfun]

Thanks for the comments so far guys, this is exactly the sort of feedback. I am after. The drums btw are midi loops from groove monkey's country series. Thy are compatible with ezdrummer which I used to play them and then run hem through a waves mazzaratti series drum plugin with an 808 emulator setting to get the punchy sound.

@ monty : I have spent an eternity trying to get he vocals right on this. There s a very good chance I may re record them as there is too much variation in heir volume and I am finding myself riding them word by word which makes it impossible to be consistent across the song with them. Might be quicker to start again. Thank you for the kind words.

@ Neil and Michael : I must admit I have wondered about the frequency of the guitar breaks. My problem is i liked them all and they are short. If I reduced them I would then be tempted to put a solo in and then I dunno.. Might loose some of the song dynamics. I'll try it with out one of the breaks for a while and see what I think. Thanks for picking this point up.

@ STC : thanks for listening. I value your opinion.

Really thrilled to see this one being well received, I have it tentatively booked as an album title track.

[Dutchbeat]

Hi Allan,

how i love listening to your music! You get better every track you make, you get more commercial and self secure, more poppy

this reminds (the vocal and the vocal melody) of Chris Isaac (blue hotel, when your vocal goes up)

i think you told us you picked up music making and songwriting quite recently....or later in life, but man, you are getting sooo good at this

as to some more tweaking, the vocal is a bit soft in the verses perhaps, and some of these backing vocals sound pitched...(are they), i don't know how but if you could have those sound more natural, this would be ACE, well it is ACE already

i really like your songs

[seriousfun]

Dutchy, thanks for the kind words. I am planning to redo the vocals due to the inconsistent volume plus I am not 100% happy with two of the lines melody wise. Bgvox is all me, no pitch correction no unusual effects just panned with a little extra reverb to push hem back in the mix.

And yes, the last 6 years have been a real special ride for me. I think we all gradually improve and that this forum is the catalyst for me. Each and every contributor here has in some way, some small, some large, helped to shape members music and steer them toward better song writing techniques and more polished productions.

**** Vocals now redone in places and levels tracking far more consistently through the track. I was never happy with the way I sang the first two lines so replaced those. Carefully went through the remaining vocals and remedied any low spots then bought the whole vocal track forward in the mix a little. Also changed a little in the left acoustic finger picked track as there were a couple of mistimed notes in it. I think it sounds much better now and probably finished unless someone spots a major gaff. *****

[Dutchbeat]

wel listened again,

i just love it, i wasn't even able to listen and look for the tweaks...
i got into the song once again

cool, very cool!!!!!!

yes

[Kafla]

Excellent Allan,

Closer to pop than usual - you around very like Jim Kerr here - uncanny

It has everything really - only criticism I have is that this in not a WIP - it's finished !!!!

The mid 8 - ace piano - lovely chords and melody

A hit !!!!

[ShinyThang]

High quality stuff once again Alan. Unusual subject matter. Interesting if just a little bit creepy. Good, driving feel throughout though I thought the guitar lead was a little stuck for what to do next around 1.30 to 1.39 and again at 2.10 to 2.24. But at 2.50 it's more relaxed and easier on the ear I think.

I have to say the line "lovin' my gal over in the whore house" is just a bit too in your face for me. You'll think I'm a prude.

[seriousfun]

Once again thanks for the positive feed back on this one.

@shiny - you will be pleased to know that I will be rewriting the lyrics on this one. For a start I cant see anyone want to sing this as is, so will be changing from first person to third person to distance the singer from the lyric then I will be looking to soften the whole thing by moving it away from the whore house thing to just the poor side of town. Looking for more universal appear. Its a pity really, as I was wanting to explore the difficult position this guy has found himself in but I just don't think its going to get good lyrical acceptance.

[habiTat]

Hey Allan,

Your work rate has increased I think, every time I sit down to review you've gone and done it all over again. 

After the acoustic, up close number, this is very much back to what you do, and you do it really well. I love that piano riff, I reminds me (strangely) of 'Clocks' by Coldplay. The guitars are all very cool, it's got a very American road movie feel to it.

I can't really find anything critical to say, and at 99%, is any song ever 100 percent finished??

Great work Allan, thanks for sharing.

hab..

[man of simple pleasures]

quality! your certainly one of the top dogs on this forum mind! rocking good fun tune i say! digging it! 

[Wolvesonfire]

on the poor side.. very interesting tune, i like the folky/blues feel. and really picks up once the chorus kicks in! *tips hat down low