[Michael]

Hey everyone,

it's been quite a while since I last posted a song of my own. I've been seperated from all my beloved recording equipment for about 2 months, and just got my hands back on it 3 days ago... No need to mention I immediately went to work and practically spent the last 48 hours locked inside my studio bedroom and came up with this. I actually wanted to work on a different song, but then creativity struck... you know how it is 

http://soundcloud.com/michael-tkt/lullaby

This is very much a work in progress. All tracks are just quick & dirty recordings and I'm very uncertain about the instrumental middle 8 bit (2:00-2:20, add vocals or not?). The mix is a mess too, I hope it gets the idea across though.
The song is written from the point of view of a small child and his/her fear of the dark. I'm not sure if I managed to set the proper mood for the topic musically, especially concerning the chorus melody... 
I'd appreciate any tips and critique on the lyrics (not the song's strongest point), arrangement, melody and any other ideas you might have that could help.

Thanks a lot for listening

Michael


Lullaby

"Don't be afraid of the night", they said
Outside the window the rain is pouring down
It's getting darker every minute

"Don't be afraid of the storm", they said
Shadows flickering in and out of sight
No time too sleep for all
My darkest thoughts creep back to me at night
My darkest thoughts creep back to me at night

Heavy drops on the window pane
Electric sparks illuminate the sky
"Just close your eyes and try to sleep now!"

All these celestial fireworks
Render my fears in dreams all black and white
I must wake up for all
My darkest throughts creep back to me at night
My darkest thoughts creep back to me at night

Wait for the light of day...
Wait for the light of day...

My darkest thoughts creep back to me at night
My darkest thoughts creep back to me at night
My darkest thoughts creep back to me at night

[S.T.C]

I like it....does remind me of another song but i can`t think what it is...like the instrumentation a lot....i really must do something with you and  Flossie...

oh and come on DORTMUND  

[seriousfun]

This is nice!!!  I loved the start and is it a dobro you used? or a VST like glide?. Whatever it was it was most effective. The vocal sat well, the production was first class so not much to not like here really. Only thing I couldn't get my head around was the title. I did find that seemed out of place a bit.

Good write and well played.

[stephaniedema]

Hey Michael!

Nice job you did with this one.
Instrumentation is very original I think, not something I would/could come up with.
The xylophone (I guess that's the clinging sound, right?) def. works in bringing the childish vibe along.
I can't help putting my fingers on it, but something in this song sounded quite "theatrical" to me. It's not the style of singing, more the flow of the song. I guess the uplifting 'My darkest fears...' did that for me. Can't explain it better
Very much liked the verse: "All these celestial fireworks
Render my fears in dreams all black and white"
I don't think the lyrics are weak, but you seemed to in your description?
Don't doubt yourself, this is good!

SD

[Kafla]

Hi Michael,

Definitely has a musical feel , really catchy melody that gains a foothold as the song progresses

I wasn't sure of the main synth/guitar line that runs through it - sounded a little whispy - maybe go all out guitar or a stronger synth

I really enjoyed the mid 8 immensely - I though this was so original - bravo   

I though the lyrics were impressive to - the only line I didn't like was - shadows flickering in and out of sight

Forgive me for being a pedant but how can you describe something you can't see - how do you know they are flickering out of sight ? Total mental the way my brain works  In any case I think the line is a little weak

Maybe 'shadows flicker as the sky ignites '

But please don't let my nit picking distract from the fact that I think this is am exceptional composition , very interesting , unique and well written / constructed

So good to have you back   

[montydog]

Hi,

Well this is different! I loved the intro and that instrument running through the song - is it a banjo? I think this is a very original and well arranged song. Your use of sound textures is inspired throughout. Nothing wrong with the lyrics at all. I too thought this sounded theatrical - I can imagine it in a West End musical but I put my finger on why. I've listened to this several times through and frankly, I think it's brilliant. One of the best things I've ever heard on the forum in the year I've been on here. Wonderful and I can't suggest any way of improving it.

[Michael]

Thank you all for your time

@STC: Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about your lyrics, they're sitting on my desktop waiting for inspiration to strike
Too bad it didn't work out for Dortmund...

@seriousfun: The instrument in the intro is a banjo (being played quite raggedly, I've only had the instrument for a couple of days  )
The title 'Lullaby' was supposed to be an allusion to the parents in the lyrics telling the child to not be afraid etc. And I thought the intro and ending kind of sounded like a children's song.
I might rethink the title though, as I said, it's a WIP and all input and suggestions are very much appreciated and will be considered for changes

@Stephanie: That childish sounding instrument is a glockenspiel (at least I think that's the word for it in English ?)
The thing about me and lyrics is, I find writing them very hard and always kind of have to force the process. That's why I'm always quite unsure of my lyrics... thanks for the encouragement though

@Kafla: I see your point about that 'shadows flickering...' line. I meant to describe the way shadows of objects appear and disappear for the brief time of a flash of lightning - but then again it's not really the shadows that appear, more the light of the flash that cancels out all other shadows... god this is hard to describe 
I'll definitely have another look at the lyrics and will probably replace that line with something else (I really like that 'ignite' rhyme of yours)

@monty: Yep, it's a banjo - and thank you so much for that huge compliment !

A lot of you mentioned a 'theatrical' sound. I can't say that I aimed for that on purpose - but I'll take it, nothing wrong with a good musical

After some consideration I now think that the instrumental section before the last chorus doesn't feel quite right, maybe a bit empty. I'm not sure what to add there though... Back to the drawing board !

[ShinyThang]

Okay well, you said it yourself about the lyric. We get the idea and I find I can relate to the child's fears but you're not presenting anything particularly new or from an interesting angle. All I would say is go back to it and do some tweaking. Well, maybe a bit more than tweaking. Try to put something in there that makes us want to hear it again.

Actually I do want to hear it again and it's the glock section at 2.00 ish that is doing it. And I think the rhythm track it excellent. I reckon you could make more of that. In a live setting it could even be the basis of a drum solo. That goes along like a train.

I hate to suggest actual changes to lyrics but I think I'd drop 'celestial', 'illuminate', 'electric' and 'darkest thoughts' because they sound too grown-up. This is a child scared of the dark. What words would they use? ... sky, flash, light-up, scary things?

I was just like this as a child only there really was a monster in my room! ... I had to share with my brother!

[habiTat]

Ah so this is why.. 

It's so long since I heard you singing I forgot what your voice sounded like. I recognised the musical style immediately, absolute class as always Michael, I really admire your ability to conceive these arrangements, I wish I could do that. The banjo sounds excellent, those drums, the glockenspeil, all just class my friend.

The song also reminds me of something but I can't put my finger on it, maybe something from Placebo I think.

Lyrically I think it's quite strong, the words convey a sense of foreboding which is reflected well in the arrangement. I also really like the title of the song, it lures you into thinking it's going to be lighter than it is, when in fact it's all quite dark.

I'd be inclined to leave the mid section without vocals because it's so strong although it might be quite cool to add some subtle harmonies or whispered words here and there to add further uneasiness. The whispers could give an insight into what those 'darkest thoughts' may be..

Excellent work Michael, I think it's time you built a second bedroom studio for work 

[Michael]

@ShinyThang: Interesting point you're making about the lyrics. It never crossed my mind that a child might be phrasing all this in different words. Guess I've always kind of considered the story to be told by an adult, remembering how he felt as a child.
I think it might sound a bit weird though to have a (more or less) grown man sing 'childish' sounding lyrics? Food for thought...
I'll be sure to tweak the lyrics a bit more though before it's finished.

@hab: Yeah, that's why
Great idea about the whispers for the mid-section, I'll definitely give that a try. Thanks for that!

I think it's time you built a second bedroom studio for work 

If only...

Thanks again for listening everyone

[Alan Starkie]

Hi Michael,

This sounds like a mutation of Genesis (Peter Gabriel era) and Placebo!!!

It has something I love - the juxtaposition of dark lyrics/subject with happy childlike innocent musicality.

Nice one.

Alan.

[James Nighthawk]

Like Alan I also hear a little Placebo in here, but also Rufus Wainwright, only "politer". And I think this could take a little more grit, a little more emotion in the hook line (My darkest thoughts)

The instrumentation is great in this, very imaginative and from a production point of view the sounds all sit very well giving the mix space to breathe, very clever

I also agree that a stronger title would help here. On first listen "Creep back to me" would work. But this might shift the meaning of the track.

Loved it!