[Jess]

Right now I'm supposed to be revising for my language gcse, but it's as boring as watching paint dry, so I shall post a song instead.
I wrote this because everyday I hear derogatory and sexist terms against women, I see people reading page 3 and know about the inequality between the genders. It can be quite degrading growing up with all of that.
I'm not saying all women feel like this and I'm not saying all men treat women like this, in fact I'm not even saying its only men who make women feel like this, so please read my song with an open mind and some respect for womenkind (...at the end of the day we are the better gender haha )

Women's Rights

(Verse 1)
You wink at me
Like I'm easy
I mean how unflattering
D'you wanna be

Derogatory
Vocabulary
How stereotypical
D'you wanna be

(Prechorus)
You can whistle as I walk by or we can play the measurement game
But I'd rather be admired for something more than my last name

(Chorus)
See a woman pick her up
For the day you'll have good luck
No I believe in woman's rights
She's an old wives tales now you've seen
A younger model wearing double Ds
No I believe in woman's rights

It's a shame that men don't think alike

(Verse 2)
You smile at me
Like I'm clearly
Gunna put out right here
On this gum ridden street

(Prechorus)
You can whistle as I walk by or you can call us sexist names
And go stick your nose in page 3 like your mind's stuck in fifth grade

(Chorus)
See a woman pick her up
For the day you'll have good luck
No I believe in woman's rights
She's an old wives tales now you've seen
A younger model wearing double Ds
No I believe in woman's rights

It's a shame that men don't think alike

(Bridge)
So every time you open your lips
To call her your bitch
Keep it zipped

So every time you open your lips
To call her your bitch
Button it

(Chorus)
See a woman pick her up
For the day you'll have good luck
No I believe in woman's rights
She's an old wives tales now you've seen
A younger model wearing double Ds
No I believe in woman's rights

It's a shame that men don't think alike
Maybe one day they might
Maybe one day they might
Maybe one day they might

[Sing4me88]

This is so damn lever its unreal. That chorus is so good I'm kinda lost for words tbh. You've taken quite a serious subject and satirized it ala Lily Allen and that really isn't easy to do. The chorus is brilliant. I love the first 2 lines such a clever play on the old 'see a penny cliche'. the second pre is great too especially the 2nd line, quite a sting in the tale. Great work as always

[BooBoo]

Love it! I really like the pre choruses on this. It's all really good and gets the point across. Te chorus is amazing. I don't actually know how you do it, not to sure how old you are but I remember you saying we are similar ages so you are really talented for your age!! Share your brilliance?

[S.T.C]

It`s unusual thats for sure....there`s a line between it being a song and merely commentary on the subject you`ve chosen....i would change a couple of bit`s like double D`s although it rhymes with tease!

But all in all.it`s quite good?

[benjo]

 strong lyrics and very true to life
 
 it's a shame that men don't think alike

 believe me some men do
 keep passionate loved it...
 
 

[Jess]

Thank you! I don't normally answer everyone separately so here's a first...

Sing4me88- thank you! It's strange because I never try to write in the style of Lily Allen however the comparison keeps coming up (FLATTERED)! I've rewritten those prechoruses so many times, so I wasn't that keen on them, it was difficult working out how to word them making sure they rhymed so I'm glad you like. Sting in the tail...heehee...

Booboo- thank you! I'm glad you like the pre/choruses, I just write what I'm passionate about and the words come out. I used to write loads of deep love songs and then I realised I can't really write about something I don't have experience in, so now I stick to topics closer to my heart. I don't think I'm brilliant! I'm alright, but I just try and make my songs unique x

Songsthatcry- I try and make my topics unusual because love songs are boring and I think the theme is pretty current and relatable, however I get how you might think it's a 'commentary'...my ideas are kind of splattered across the page. I get the feeling you're not really liking this piece? Seriously, just say

Benjo- thank you! Welcome to the forum! Yes, some men think so alike, I was in no way trying to stereotype. And I will ALWAYS stay passionate

[benjo]

 hey jess, thanks for the welcome
 i know there's no stereotyping
 my daughter played football so i heard some stupid stuff too
 thats why in my opinion it's true to life
 thak you also for your comments on my lyrics
 great advice i'm very new to it all though
 so will take some time for me to get it right
 thanks again jess take care...
 
 

[Jess]

thak you also for your comments on my lyrics
 great advice i'm very new to it all though

No problem, we've all got to do our bit

[Ramshackles]

I think the title/statement of 'womens rights' doesn't relate completely to the lyrics, but given your age I can understand the simplification of that issue to a complaint about annoying/predatory men

It reads well and sounds musical, which is good. I like the use of well-known/old phrases in the chorus and the change in meter from verse to chorus is really good...shows a mature use of structure and meter

[Jess]

I think the title/statement of 'womens rights' doesn't relate completely to the lyrics, but given your age I can understand the simplification of that issue to a complaint about annoying/predatory men

It reads well and sounds musical, which is good. I like the use of well-known/old phrases in the chorus and the change in meter from verse to chorus is really good...shows a mature use of structure and meter

Thank you With the title I think I was going for a woman's right to be treated equally opposed to like a woman's right to drive in Saudi Arabia, I get how the title doesn't totally relate but I'll have to restructure my chorus if I change it now...so I think it'll do?
I'm glad I show a mature use of structure, structure is one of my most important aspects when I write...but what is meter? It sounds cool

[Ramshackles]

Well, I spelt it the american way (yikes), but:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metre_(poetry)

[Kevin j]

Great lyrics, nice structure, nothing but praise i can say

keep it up,
Kevin

[GTB]

Hi Jess, great song and it reminds me of Alanis Morrisette a bit - without so much venom though ;-)
Am I being a bit thick? I don't get the "more than my last name" bit? what does that refer to?  I would have had to get the word "leer" in there somehow :-)
GTB

[Oli Dickinson]

Excellent lyrics. Like another, the "more than my last name" bit threw me, but I'm sure you have your reasons. Given your precocious vernacular, I'm sure that your language GCSE will be a success.

There're some lovely turns of phrase here. "Gum-ridden". "The measurement game". These really bring your personality into the song.

I was reminded of a WomCam project in Oxford.
You can see it here : http://womcam.tumblr.com/

They asked people to write a short statement beginning "I need feminism because...".
I thought you might enjoy having a gander.

Thank You.

Oli x

[Jess]

I like this personal replying business...

Kevin j- thank you, I'll try keeping it up

GTB- thank you, I love Alanis Morisette, but yes this is quite tame compared to some of her lyrics. I didn't know what leer meant, so I googled it and it came up with a little town in Germany? (Now I think I'm being a bit thick!) And the last name bit is about changing your surename when you get married- in my song the person is saying they want to be seen as their own person opposed to their husband (all going back to gender equality)

Oli (not oil as I though it was...)- thank you, (read above for the last name bit, I hope what I've said makes sense). I try and give my writing personality and include little lines that will link it with me. I looked at your link and found it really interesting...I need feminism because we are the better gender and my language GCSE is getting there...only 5 more paragraphs to learn