[montydog]

Hi,

This is a song I've been kicking around for a year trying to find a melody and approach to fit the lyrics and this is where I'm at. It's about a young guy who takes increasingly bigger risks starting at running red lights, gambling, getting chased by the police, dealing drugs and the inevitable end. His conscience chips in now and then but gets ignored.

I'm looking for feed back on the song quality and especially ideas for arrangement and instrumentation/approach. Please no comments about the subdued singing - it's meant to be quietly regretful and remorseful - it's not the bleeding Eurovision Song Contest!!

I hope you like it. BTW, it's the first time I've recorded an electric guitar and the first time I've experimented with a wammy bar to get that Twin Peaks sort of effect.

Thank you

Alan

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/jump-first

Jump first and look later
It's a chance taken heartbreaker
Take a faith leap and don't think
Who'll be the first to blink

My new car is so hard to beat
Chromium lights on mean streets
Look Ma!, there's no hands
I'm headed for the badlands

Pink lipstick short dress
Will she? it's your guess
I got good cards bad deck
Bet it all, it's my neck

On a two lane, black top
Foot down won't stop
Blue lights flashing bright
Never seen a better sight

Don't waste my time
If your gonna be a friend of mine and
Try to find a way soon
To pull this boy from his doom
To pull this boy from his doom

In your dreams it goes right
A better high everynight
You don't have to pay
For everything you did today

It's short term with no plan
And I don't give a damn
There's no wife and no kids
Just highs and lows with no mids

The last deal has gone bad
Lost everything I had
There's no time I can't wait
Better believe it's too late

Gut shot and my blood
Making red drops in the mud
What a short life lived fast
Had a great script but a bad cast

It was a good start but a sad end
Some rules just won't bend
So I'll see you someday
There's nothing more to say

[Neil C]

Alan,
Great title and opening lines. In fact the lyrics are as ever top draw.
Got a bit of widescreen Bruce in there, they are that good IMHO.
Musically if you wanted to stretch it a bit differently you could rattle it along with more of a country/skiffle feel to it - a bit like Jake Bugg, Drums. bass, strummed acoustic or electric with your twin peaks lead..Just a thought.
Very
Neil

[seriousfun]

+1 on the quality of the lyrics

Twas a bit long though and I wonder about the benefit of the da da da verse and repeating the chorus each time, without that in the arrangement I think it would be able to hold interest through out the song. I also wonder about a change to a strum for the chorus or at least something more to define it. '

Also I wonder about the title, would "pull this boy from his doom" be more apt?

Its a good song and thoroughly enjoyable be interesting to see what other people think on arrangement. Nice to hear a bit of electric in there you could bring it up a bit as well and feature it a bit more in places it was kinda subdued.

[habiTat]

Hi Monty,

I like the added element of the electric (Twin Peaks) guitar, that's cool.

It depends what you want from the arrangement, I think it would benefit from some bass guitar, just underpinning it, now you have expanded with the electric. The other thing I think might work well is a solo for that electric, all spooky and bending, rather than having it just sit there on the right, in the background for the whole song. Let it step forward for a solo, it is the identifying feature of this song and deserves to have it's say at the front.

As for the subdued singing, that's great, who wants bouncy europop anyway

hab..

[habiTat]

Just listened again... it was reminding me of something...

The Days of Pearly Spencer..

I really like this one Monty, keep us posted on it's progress..

[Kafla]

Wonderful lyrics 😁

I would definitely work to build this into a full production - it's got a great energy and pulsing rythmn

 

[Dutchbeat]

Hi Alan,

i am fascinated by these lyrics and like the song very much...

i love it how you vary with the rythm / the patterns in your singing lines, it really is characteristic to your songwriting in my ears...

especially the change to this part sticks out to me:

In your dreams it goes right
A better high everynight
You don't have to pay
For everything you did today

to me this would be the chorus, you sing it twice, but you could perhaps use this as thé chorus....

we both know that your and my sort of arrangments are miles apart, but i am very impressed how you can keep your song interesting and varying without any use of big beats, rolls, screams, horns, bleeps, bells, well, the way i try to keep things going...

i hope this comes accross the way i mean it (looking for the right way to put it in English), but i respect your totally stripped way (arrangmentwise) of writing a song and telling a story

[stephaniedema]

Hey Alan!

Great storytelling and nice fingerpicking on the acoustic.
Interesting idea as well, the whole risktaking thing. Very original.
The electric accompagnies the song very well, but I am too a big fan of a little solo. Just an idea: maybe lose the dadada's and replace them by a similar guitar solo?
I think it would be nice if you could add a bit of double bass, that would fit right in, I feel.

Great job!

SD

[Sing4me88]

Great lyrics. Those opening two lines are brilliant and the cleverness is repeated throughout the song. Love the acoustic finger picking. I get a country vibe of this one as it is but I'd defo love to hear this as a full production. IMO this would be great is slightly sped up and taken down a Mumford and Sons or Passenger style route.It's your song but that's my 2 cents! Your vocals seem to be a perfect match for this song. They marry very easily and naturally. In fairness much like the song they are very easily listened to.

[Michael]

You're a really good storyteller, Alan The lyrics really took me in.

That's quite the tempo you're keeping with your fingerpicking.
The "subdued" singing is absolutely the right choice for this, couldn't imagine the song with loud shouty type vocals And a nice performance, too.
That short break at the end of every second line always gets me by surprise. Keeps the rhythm intersting.
The electric guitar is a very cool addition.

I agree with Stephanie about the dadadas. I could imagine them being replaced by something else... a harmonica maybe? Would defintely fit the song's mood.

[man of simple pleasures]

great tune,  speedy on that guitar haha! great lyrics in there , theres always a load in your songs you never short of a lyric or two it seems!

[theLostLad]

This is what I aspire to - I'll probably never get there! Excellent fingerpicking. Lyrics are better sung than read if you know what I mean?

As for instrumentation, I'd pursue the Twin Peaks effect - or maybe Paris, Texas? Sort of a ghostly whine that 'haunts' the song? Pedal steel or slide?