[S.T.C]

Rough one take demo,,did it yesterday ,was going to do a better one ,but can`t get motivated today..so it is warts `un` all..file away under....do another day.

https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/silverlady-2


why do i feel... so alone
born on a... wasteland
sown on a wind storm


babies eyes... are shining bright
almost breaks the..... heart
how i.. long to, depart
to wander thru the night


silver lady you were my might
but now  something ain`t quite right
so i leaving once again

there`s nothing for this pain
but the open roads
that lead to nowhere

take me some where ,lonely
were my silver lady
she cant see find me
and i`m free

silver lady... you were wrong
i could have loved you... all night long
but now the die`s ,.... been cast
maybe i`m just living... in the past

why do i feel... so alone
born on a... wasteland
sown on a wind storm
i`m not falling any more

anymore..........

silver lady you were my might
but now  something ain`t quite right
so i leaving once again

there`s nothing for this pain
but the open roads
that lead to nowhere

silver lady
silver lady
what as past... is now gone
silver lady
silver lady
i`m just moving on,,,,,,,

[Neil C]

Intriguing structure, the song has potential with interesting lyrics which suit your vocals as well.
Silver lady is catchy refrain.
I would think a bit about the song structure and think about varying the melody to provide some contrast with the chords later in the song.
Phycho-pastorial.

Neil

[S.T.C]

cheers Neil....sounds a bit strange to say it,but i wrote it for myself but still found it a challenge to sing.

I wasn`t really in the right mood,but have captured one or two things i wanted to achieve..as for structure,,i suppose i was influenced by Freebird  ,as you know ,once that song get`s into it it doesn`t let up...and i wanted the silverlady theme to dominate most of the song.

At the end i went back to verse 1 but made it sound a bit naff....and then kicked back into the chorus again...

If i could play the chords i would like to use, smoothly enough, i would have done what you say..it`s just when i press record i get a bit transfixed in keeping something going and loose fluidity in my playing.

[seriousfun]

+1 on this song suiting your voice.

I liked the lyrics a lot and you have some real good melodies weaved through the tapestry of sound. I always have a difficulty in following your song structure but this one was, I felt a lot clearer in its composition from pervious postings I think if it had finished with out returning to the opening verse the song would be much better IMHO. By this point of the song you lyrics had in most part told their story and the two part structure to the song had held interest for the duration.

This song,is a good write, put it away safely as one redo in the future when you have the resources and ability to do full productions.

Kudos on a good write here stc
Allan.

[Kafla]

starts off really well STC

this works as a chorus

silver lady you were my might
but now  something ain`t quite right
so i leaving once again
there`s nothing for this pain

the next part - but the open roads
that lead to nowhere

drags the chorus part on a bit and in my opinion it isnt necessary - and it sounds clumsy

The chorus part I have highlighted is first class - really amazing - I would love to sit down with you and really work to develop this section - I think you could hit it quicker as well

Maybe if you are up for it you could send me the chords and I could try and destruct it for you and show you what I mean

As usual there is flashes of brilliance in everything you do just needs refinement 

Hope its ok to say this!

[habiTat]

Hey STC,

I like the driving rhythm of this, I could imagine it picking up as it progresses with other instrumentation.

I'd definitely recommend working with Kafla and getting a more rigid, established version made.

One of your best yet, great work.

hab..

[S.T.C]

starts off really well STC

this works as a chorus

silver lady you were my might
but now  something ain`t quite right
so i leaving once again
there`s nothing for this pain

the next part - but the open roads
that lead to nowhere

drags the chorus part on a bit and in my opinion it isnt necessary - and it sounds clumsy

The chorus part I have highlighted is first class - really amazing - I would love to sit down with you and really work to develop this section - I think you could hit it quicker as well

Maybe if you are up for it you could send me the chords and I could try and destruct it for you and show you what I mean

As usual there is flashes of brilliance in everything you do just needs refinement 

Hope its ok to say this!

Ok.KAF i`m visiting relatives till Monday...but i will workout the chords and send them to you...then we can work on the lyrics and structure...i agree it can cut to the quick...quicker

[montydog]

I think Kafla is right. That chorus part is astoundingly good and the effect you have on your voice and guitar is wonderful. So many beautiful parts to enjoy here - it just needs tying up. Kafla will help with that. Has the potential to be totally awesome.

[HappyBastard]

This reminds me a bit of the band 'Pulp', which as far as I'm aware is good.  The others are right, your voice does suit this style.  I usually think this sort of style is also quite suited to double tracking (in the vocals) which can be fun to experiment with - obviously this is meant as a demo so who knows where this song could go!
Good work and keep it rolling along.

[Kafla]

On it STC - give me some time 

[S.T.C]

On it STC - give me some time 

No worries,but time is the fire in which we burn(Startrek  Nememsis)

Any way done something new today ...

[James Nighthawk]

The melody is much more flowing and have more movement during the chorus section. During the verses the melody is rather "root note" based and doesn't do much for me. I would work on a way of moving the verse lines around more, just a passing run here and there should do it. This is especially imprtant for a long song.

The chorus I liked and the rhythms work nicely, but I would focus on melody and smoothness of transitions

[man of simple pleasures]

yeah sounds good to me i love listening to stripped back songs vocal and acoustic first 3 mins are top notch and theres a song in there with a bit of work! look forward to hearing what you and kafla come up with!