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Lake Eileen

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calmlondon:
Hey guys,

Got a rough work in progress. I don't have my fancy guy vocals or production, just my raw vocals and my own garageband outline. It's worth risking feedback so I can polish the song before I hand it over to the pros.  Keen to hear your thoughts on melody, what kind of production would suit - what needs sorting out.  I know I need to work out better intros, bridge and outro.

Thanks again.

The song is about the moon and a lake, as an analogy for unrequited love - and the desire for intimacy.

https://soundcloud.com/michelleapatrick/lake-eileen-1


Lake Eileen


I sit a while with Lake Eileen,
on ground that is uneven.
Yet who could contain my Eileen,
and still remain even.

She knows how to be,
alone with her dreams.

The silence never ends,
and her surface never breaks.
Not even for me, not even for me.

I dream she washes over me,
she struggles free and comes to me.
While the city streets are sleeping,
it's my company she seeks.

Who knows what she sees,
alone with her dreams.


The silence never ends,
and her surface never breaks.
Not even for me, not even for me

Under the dark sky, I am mesmerized.
Under the moonlight my love rests tonight.
In my embrace, in my embrace.

S.T.C:
Your singings ok ;)

It`s at 2.35 which is short.so needs another minute?

I like how youv`e set it out and the story,,,lyrically it`s poetic..

Don`t really know what else to say..@ the moment.

seriousfun:
Lovely lyrics, especially like the way you treat the lake as a person. The piano is real nice but I feel you need more counterpoints. I heard some small guitar touches toward the end, I would perhaps bring those in earlier and build them as the song progresses. Maybe a string section for the chorus and maybe a short section of lone cello could add so me nice atmospheric touches around the bridge.

Nice song though michelle and I am defo interested to see where this goes.

Neil C:
Nice to hear your voice, which has a lovely delicate quality.
Good title and words.The verse, middle and main chorus melodically are really fine.
A few small thoughts:
At 0.24 I'd delay the meter of 'even'
Around 0.59 I'd vary the second 'not even for me' and end up on the root note rather than the 3rd(?)
On the 2nd verse at 1.21 I think you can leave the gap between your words like you did in the first set.
And at 1.55 I'm note sure about the melody attached to 'under the dark skys'  I wanted you to repeat the pre and chorus to end up on the 'not even for me' and fade out on those to chords. Would those words fit?
Quality
:) :)
Neil 


 

crystalsuzy:
Hi CL...really lovely...the lyrics and melody take me to a very sweet place...this dance between the

lake and the moon is so intimate, yet so universal...I really like what you've done with it; even as a

raw production...I also really like the sound of your voice on this one...it's so soft and unassuming and

suits this song...can't wait to hear it polished(but not too much) :)

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