Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Works in Progress
The Stars
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Zub:
Hi all!
I wrote the following track 'The Stars'. I thought I would run it by you guys, for some critical feedback. I've made it available for download. Welcome to check it out.
I'm looking to send it out for airplay consideration.
My artist name is Castlewood. I want to fuse my poetry into the lyrics, sometimes it's just poetry of imagination, like on this track. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the track.
I look forward to your feedback, positive or negative -- Cheers for checking out.
Zub - Castlewood https://soundcloud.com/castlewoodmusic/stars-1
Lyrics - The Stars
Their eyes twinkled
Who showed us the way now
We looked to like stars
With time we grow to men
That you must take to the helm
Karma camouflage
Following nature's command
Is there a star in the sky
For you, you and I?
The wound in my arm
Heralds a setback
For the universe
The stellar characters...
All in the story
All serve the way now
Sculpturing rock
The sea of life
Is there a star in the sky
For you, you and I?
Is there a star in the sky
For you, you and I?
Is there a star in the sky
For you, you and I?
S.T.C:
Hi ZUB...i like your song...feels sort of astral , don`t forget to read the rules on posting though!!
If your looking for technical advice ,i`m sure you will get some.
fischermans:
Hello Castlewood
I enjoy lithening the track.Like it very much.Also your words are fine.
Only two points:
First:What I don´t understand
"Is there a star in the sky
For you, you and I?"
Isn´t it better to write me?
Second: Sometimes the timing of voice and music can be made better I think.
Like the continuos rise in the song
Thanks for sharing.
Alexander
Neil C:
Moody intro, intriguing vocal melody on the verse, lovely rich melody on the chorus. Nicely paced with underlying bass that moves it all. Nice solo. Good production.
Watch the cymbals they seem to clash or be distorted over the solo at 2.27 onwards.
Not sure the picked guitar outro works over the main song.
Catchy
Neil
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