[Alan Starkie]

I've only just uploaded a finished song in the 'Feedback on finished songs' and I'm not sure whether the 2 week rule is for one or both forums?

If I'm breaking the rules, please just delete this thread.

This is a song idea for a female vocal that I'm working on at the moment:

https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/write-me-a-letter-working

Lyrics so far:

You can write me a letter in the morning
But the words won't mean that much to me

I've got my eyes open wide
Now there's nothing to hide, baby

I just want a love that I can call my own
I just want a love that I can take on home
So it's up to you, to come my way


Comments and suggestions welcome.

Thanks,

Alan.

[Neil C]

Alan, I'm getting recent Take That vibe, which is great and the chorus is very strong and catchy.
My only comment is around the title - I'd change to 'Come my way'

Neil
 

[Alan Starkie]

I can't escape the 'Take That' thing Neil, it seems.

I'm going to take this more US country/pop and the title is a good suggestion.

Don't know what it's about yet but it'll become apparent.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Alan.

Ps - Do you know if the 2 week rule is for EACH forum or ALL?

[Neil C]

Alan,
Confidently looking forward to how it progresses
Re PS I read it as posting a song once a fortnight, across both finished and WIP and asked for clarification..
Cheers
Neil

[Alan Starkie]

I'm in trouble then...

[Sing4me88]

Great country/Pop feel to this. Personally I think this is the route to go down with this song though I can't disagree with Neil at all re it sounding a bit like Take That which I think can only be a good thing. Great lift at the chorus. I think it's the chorus that gives it that Take That feel as the opening verse is pure country IMO!

[Boydie]

It is interesting you mention that you intend this for a female vocal - I think it is working fine with a male vocal

I like the "Baby" stab before the chorus - just right to "prick the ears"

The bass is sounding particularly punchy and warm - try to keep this sound as the song develops

Do you know if the 2 week rule is for EACH forum or ALL?

The MODs are currently discussing this and hopefully this will be clarified soon - I think the 2 week rule should apply to each section with the current pace of the forums after the split. When TONE has "counted and verified" the votes I am sure he will clarify so you are not in trouble.....yet....

[montydog]

Whatever a song needs to catch the ear, this has it. Great arrangement which supports the song beautifully. Sounds a very polished, professional recording of what I would think is a very commercial track. Modern country pop would accommodate this very well. I think a gritty, growling electric guitar break would "dirty" up the sound a little. If you wanted to go to the country side, an instrument like a dobro, banjo, mandolin or lap steel would send it in the right direction. Great vocals BTW. Class all the way.

[darreldo]

It is interesting you mention that you intend this for a female vocal - I think it is working fine with a male vocal

Im getting abit of a Bon Jovi vibe.
I didnt realise this song was 4mins 17 secs long. im usually quite wary of them being dragged out but it wasnt the case with this song, it flowed the whole way. Im not sure where you could take this song, id say its complete in my opinion,

[fischermans]

Hello Alan
Nice song I like it.Can be a very good one when finished.
Only one hint.
You write "Now there's nothing to hide, baby"
But you sing "Now there's no need to hide, baby"

If you separate better the chorus from the verse as you did at 3.06 the chorus will become more catchy then he is and he is definitely.
Hear you soon Alexander

[terrysains]

I think you get my vote as "the most likely to" good luck. Terry.

[ShinyThang]

Strong song-writing Alan. I'm guessing that section starting at 2:45 is the mid 8? is that gonna be instrumental or have lyrics? I think a lyrical mid 8 would work well there. Maybe a slight lyrical twist like um ... write what you like in the morning but right now slide over here ... sort of thing. At the moment there are plenty of chorus repeats which could provide a basis for an instrumental break.
Good stuff