[montydog]

Hi,

My first post on the WIP section. This song started out over a year ago as something else completely
which I was never happy with. I completely re-wrote it using the same melody and chords with some added sections and I'm still not sure. I want to gauge your opinion about the quality (or not) of the song as obviously it's just me and an acoustic at the moment. Is it worth working up into a full production? I was thinking country/folk with dobro, banjo and some harmonica maybe. Anyhow, thanks for listening.

 UPDATE!
I played this song to Paul who plays guitar and sings in the band I'm in and he took it away and turned it into this wonderful ragtime feeling version. I had to post to see what you guys and girls think. I reckon he has turned a good track into something pretty special. Paul is singing and playing the acoustic. What do you think? New lyrics are on the Soundcloud page.

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/carolina-bound-paul-13-5-13

Original version here:

https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/carolina-bound

One day soon I'll be walking
Heading east, Carolina bound
Seems forever I've been searching
For an echo of that sound
I've been chasing
Instead of facing
The truth in front of me
Clear as a blue day, Carolina bound

There's girl I was courting
From the country side of town
I keep a cloth for when I'm crying
Cut from her wedding gown
Those days are over
My world is colder
She can't comfort me
Can you tell her, I'm Carolina bound

I'm Carolina bound
Shout at the sky
And tell me why
I'm old
The merry go round
Has stopped for good
Now I am stood
Alone

Distant thoughts fill my mind
Like a train whistle blows
Through my brain
Ink on the page I signed
Washed on the winter shore
Clean again

It's been such a long time
Since I was Carolina bound
Fading dreams and a promise
To see the sun coming round
Atlantic daybreak
Keening Kittiwake
I've been too long away
Tomorrow I'm Carolina bound

I'm Carolina bound
Shout at the sky
And tell me why
I'm old
The merry go round
Has stopped for good
Now I am stood
Alone

[Neil C]

Alan,
I really enjoy your music and there's good stuff in this one so i'd keep working. Lyrically its top draw as usual.
Structurally there's are quite a lot going on in terms of different melodic sections and I'd consider a bit of pruning would simplify and focus the song.
The first section has 4 lines of the verse in your folk style, whereas the next 4 lines have a different more country feel to them. You then repeat that in verse 2. There's then a third section at 1.30 and the fourth section at 1.50 before you come back to repeat verse 3. I'd simply drop the 1.50 section as musically its not really needed and go straight to V3.
I terms of recording I'd decide whether its more country or folk in terms of style, and I would perhaps try for the former.
I hope this helps and look forward to hearing how this turns out, especially with your new gear and approach to recording....
 
Neil   

[Binladeda]

Hey Monty.  I agree with neil regarding the folk, rather than country feel to this at the moment. If your intention is to go country....try playing it to a waltz time signature, (3/4), and see how it scans out. Then think about slide/banjo/harmonica, once you've resolved the structure. The lyrics, and your amazing vocals, will certainly work in a country context. It's already a beautiful piece of music, and a pleasure to listen to....some 'tasty' guitar picking going on. It'll be interesting to see this one develop.  Good work mate

[Kafla]

Hey Alan,

Some lovely lines as usual - I keep a cloth for when I'm crying
Cut from her wedding gown - To illustrate one

I think this one could be 'spunkier' you know faster , more attitude , I have 'maries the name' elvis in my mind

I also could sense some hesitancy going into the chorus part although I think you nailed it better second time round

I think all you need to do on this one is practise it a little more and it will become a very good addition to your impressive canon 

[seriousfun]

Definitely a song to continue with. As Neil pointed out there is a lot going on musically with this and all the separate parts. I don't think there are too many but I do wonder about the arrangement and the way it forces you to have a version followed by a chorus followed by a bridge. Three distinct parts one after the other and in my mind the song loses a little focus and it detracts from the chorus, possibly because that bridge is so strong. The other arrangement issue is that the chorus does not come in till after two verses and I do wonder about that. You could solve all of this by moving the first chorus to between verses one and two. That would still leave the bridge between the next two verses and isolate that bridge from the chorus.

Lovely lyrics and a silky voice as always, though maybe a bit hesitant at places but I am sure that will be remedied in the final take.

Kudos on a fine song
Allan.

[jmacdon]

Hey Alan, I must say I get really frustrated  when talented musicians seem to hide from their talent. 

The strength of your vocals is your hidden talent, yet you sing this song as if you are feeling somewhat ashamed.  Lift your head, lift your vocals and please let rip - you have a great voice so let's hear it loud and proud.  This song deserves a strong vocal, and you have it - so let's hear it :-)

[Sing4me88]

Great song. Unmistakably country and I mean the good old style country. In fact when the song started and I heard the first few words I automatically thought 'Johnny Cash woulda give this song some lash if he were still around'! Your vocals are quite strong and really do suit this genre and song although I do have to agree with the previous poser and say at times I felt you were maybe holding back your vocals instead of unleashing them with their full wrath on this track. On the other hand I also think that perhaps the toned down vocal adds to the sentiment and vibe of this song.

As if that weren't enough some great lines - keeping a cloth for crying from her wedding gown one hell of a line.

Really enjoyed this one, got me in the mood for belting on a bita Johnny Cash now!

[Alan Starkie]

Great song Alan.

I think it's too fast if anything. You're using a clawhammer type pick and I think it's running away with you. The chorus is fantastic. Unique melody and I love it.

Alan.

[S.T.C]

It`s got plenty of feeling,good lyrics.nice story.....with a fuller production i can hear some faint female harmonies going on...
well done on another good song .

[James Nighthawk]

I might disagree with Jmac here

The charm of your vocal lies in the soft, delicate projection. Nick Drake comes to mind and has beforewith your work. English. Gentle. Polite. Poetic. And unashamedly so.

You have your sound and then some Monty. The place to go from here is to make each piece have "something" unique. With one guitar and a vocal, with a charming but small range, you are at risk of prodcuing similar material. We have discussed this before and I know you have plans re arrangements going forward, so I look forward t the fruits of this!

This is lovely as always. Great lyrics. The odd dud note but nothing of major issue. Calming

[montydog]

Have a listen to the Ragtime version my friend in the band I'm in came up with. It's pretty sensational IMHO.

Alan

[Neil C]

Alan,
The song shines country style, and he's got a real nice easy way about him [ though I wasn't what I expected when you said ragtime ]. Thats not to say that one is better than the other just different.
He makes it actually sound pretty commercial whereas your sound more personal if that makes more sense.
So what are you going to do with yours?

Neil

[Kafla]

Hey Alan,

Wow!

Wow!

Incredible strumming , beautiful tone in your voice , lovely lyrics

Wow!

[ShinyThang]

Lovely stuff. Simple, clear sound. Easy to listen to and a lyric worth reading. Why is this in 'works in progress'? Surely the song is done?

Everything else is window-dressing.

[habiTat]

Yeah this is cool, you just need some fiddles and a bit of stomping and this would be awesome. I think the new style works really well, much as I like the original version I think I prefer the ragtime, so much more energy.

Great work Monty, and Paul