[darreldo]

This is a song i recorded in 1 take.

Please can i ask for songwriting reviews and ideas please as its just a quick recorded demo, the recording isnt an issue for me at this stage. (sorry to sound demanding lol!!)

I realise that its should maybe be shorter and have a real 3rd verse instead of just repeating the 1st verse.

Im not the greatest singer but its all about having a go and putting our point across.

look forward to your reviews, critique and hope you enjoy
 
thanks, darrel.
 
https://soundcloud.com/darrel-mcgibbon/comedown

[darreldo]

i forgot the lyrics.

v1 Theres things they like to say to you,
    you do things you like to do.

ch. you know your only stalling,
     on your one and only calling.
     dont go and throw it all away.

v2 too far, too blind to even see,
    you live your life so pleasantly

ch  (as above)

middle

v3 (as above)

solo and outro.

[man of simple pleasures]

some nice guitar solo work in there, best bit for me the guitars i suppose give your vocals a bit more oomph when you sing it i suppose! bit shorter would be better i would say and i duno doesnt really seem theres a chorus just seems verses maybe do something with the chorus as it doesnt really standout for me!

[monkfish79]

Nice. Some good guitar work in there.

On the first listen, it feels like the chorus should be more of a pre-chorus leading into something else.

Also, there's never a reason for somebody to apologise for their own voice! There are all sorts of singers making a fortune from recording regardless of technique and training. It's your own song and the hard and fast rule is that if you like it, there'll be more than a few folks around who feel the same, so when it comes to laying the final tracks, be really brutal with yourself - it'll pay off in the long run.

With a little confidence and practice you could get a really nice vocal for this. Saeed made a comment on the soundcloud page about sounding a little timid and I think he's spot on.

[habiTat]

Hey Darrel,

I like this, it has a Blur feel I think, I reckon you could belt it out on the 'don't go and throw it all AWAYYY' parts, that would be really cool. Like you say, maybe write another verse if you can, maybe tie up the loose ends, tells us more about why they are stalling, or what the calling is..

It's got a nice feel to it though, worth pursuing methinks

hab..

[Kafla]

I really like your writing Darrel - you have that 60s thing going on  

I love the change to the minor chord and the 2 guitars work perfectly together - very Beatles esque

I think you could up the tempo a little and a second harmony would really lift it

Loved the soloing at the end

get the lyrics up mate 

My kind of music  

[seriousfun]

I like this, its well written and right up my street. Just what I would have written if I was clever enough to think of it

If you want to define the chorus more I would try the following:  ( assumeing I have the chords right )

keep repeating the run down from F# - F - E between each line just as you did for the first line of the chorus.

you know your only stalling,
on your one and only calling.
dont go and [F#]throw it all away.   (stop the strum on the F chord and recomence on the B ) then go back to the F# for a bar as a turnaround then you can go to the B

I think something like this would fit the song very well and would help define that elusive chorus for you.  Keep working on this song and repost when you have taken it further aftyer the feedback, would love to hear where it goes.

[Binladeda]

 Hey,  Certainly getting early beatles flavour from this.....don't lose that, it's great   The vocals are fine, just need to be more 'convincing'    Try double tracking the vocals....singing over one track always gives me more confidence with the second one......but, good stuff. I like

[Neil C]

Good title.  really liked the guitar at the end.
You make want to think about raising the key, your voice sound more comfortable higher up.
I wasn't sure about the mid tempo, I either want to speed it up or make it slower which would fit with title, although by the end with the second guitars it was bobbing along. Coral like.
I'd think about a stop 1.17 and at 2.20 as a nice way back into the guitar hook. I'd be fading between 2.50 and 3 mins.
Have fun.

Neil 

[joetattie]

It sounds like you were trying to keep your voice down while you were singing, maybe because there was other people in the house, or trying to sleep. I do that, so what you should do if you're unkeen on letting people hear you whilst recording, wait until you have the house to yourself, or just go nuts, and belt it regardless. It has a good vibe with it. I'm really digging it, it sounds quite like a song on Please Please Me, I can't think what though. "Baby it's You"? The guitars are brilliant, and your voice isn't bad!

I think this is a really good composition though, I'm a sucker for Beatlesesque stuff. All it needs is an oomph with the vocals, even just double tracking them, and it'd be sorted.

You've got the John and George stuff down to a Tee, so you should give Paul and Ringo a phone, and you'd pretty much have the full Beatles instrumentation back. Great job!