[Chris_lightless]

it is actually to be honest way too personal ... but the point where i can live my own life is reached so i have to move on... and kinda wanna know what you think about this one... i hope i will get some feedback, cheers chris



 ...teenage hellhood...
 
( Verse 1 )
At home being  good for nothing  toy
within cold hunger all the way
not more as the whipping boy
please, rip me out of this portray

(pre Chorus )
I am the demon on steps to hell
She an angel with Liberty bell

( Chorus )
Daddy didnt give attention
no, underrate me
Abandoned in early days
Mommy didnt give affection
no, undervalue me
Nightmare ruled chase
Sis didnt give conclusion
no, underestimate me
I already  got astray
Yell, blame , neglect willingly
Wrong suffer , let it be
Family day payee

( Verse 2)
At Night crying for the early fate
Bitter tears burning  way to belly ache
My sister always were  predate
please, your love is all  just fake

(pre Chorus )
I am the demon on steps to hell
She an angel with Liberty bell

( Chorus )
Daddy didnt give attention
no, underrate me
Abandoned in early days
Mommy didnt give affection
no, undervalue me
Nightmare ruled chase
Sis didnt give conclusion
no, underestimate me
I already  got astray
Yell, blame , neglect willingly
Wrong suffer , let it be
Family day payee

( Verse 3 )
Father ,i am not the same ,
All these years just came
Mother, i am full of pain,
What did i  gain
Sister, i am not a stain ,
Do you know what i attain
Please, How to save my inner sky
Find my light ,sleep at night
Oh treat me like  son
Oh treat me like  brother
So hell will be for another one

(pre Chorus )
I am the demon on steps to hell
She an angel with Liberty bell

( Chorus )
Daddy didnt give attention
no, underrate me
Abandoned in early days
Mommy didnt give affection
no, undervalue me
Nightmare ruled chase
Sis didnt give conclusion
no, underestimate me
I already  got astray
Yell, blame , neglect willingly
Wrong suffer , let it be
Family day payee

(Brigde )
I will be like Paine, swim on tears in vain
Reach the rocky shore
Cause drown, all of these seven years

( Chorus )
Daddy didnt give attention
no, underrate me
Abandoned in early days
Mommy didnt give affection
no, undervalue me
Nightmare ruled chase
Sis didnt give conclusion
no, underestimate me
I already  got astray
Yell, blame , neglect willingly
Wrong suffer , let it be
Family day payee

[Sing4me88]

Wow this is actually a very strong piece. It is bursting with emotion and I love the pre and chorus. IMO this would be sheer genius if given an early Queen rock type feel to it something like Keep yourself alive or Seven seas of rhye. I'm not sure that's the direction you wanna take it down but as I read over the lyrics this seemed to be the drift I was 'hearing' in my head.

[Chris_lightless]

Hey thanks, i am glad you felt the emotions cause it was actually freaking hard to write , i mean the chorus and pre chorus were flying instantly in my mind but the verses were quite hard to deal with ... i just wanted to express my feelings properly and not just some shallow song about my past ...

i had some pearl jam melody in mind

[Jess]

Loving the chorus, very meaningful, lots of emotional- kind of reminded me of family portrait by pink, lyric wise. Although, you may want to look at the structure, having an 11 part song is going to be quite a long one, however there are 11 very well written parts, so you should be fine, as long as you get a great melody behind it.
You say this was really hard to write, my advice would be the less you think about it, the more honest it would be. Just write whatever's in your mind and you can tweak the rhymes and words later, that's what I do a lot of the time.
But, you've clearly focused on a really difficult time of your life, hopefully by writing a song about it will be like lifting a weight off your shoulders- a problem shared is a problem halved and all that Great stuff

[Chris_lightless]

Thanks Jess, means a lot to me !!!... Yeah it was good to just let it off my chest and write some song about it because i was evading it the whole time... and about the parts i think the bridge and the last chorus could be too much ... but first i will try to finish the melody for the whole song ...