[AlexMo]

empty

[seriousfun]

This is very beautiful song. Lyrically you paint some lovely pictures with this song. The lyrics are well matched with the lovely arpeggio you play through this. I love the descending bass and the general fragility of the arpeggio, perfect for the fragile feeling the lyrics portray.

The chorus is nice without being as strong as the verses and I wonder if you could do something else other than continue the arp through it?  Perhaps a soft strum might punch the chorus up a little and define it better, not really sure. But if you are looking for an area to work on, I think the chorus is it for sure.

Absolutely beautiful song - loved it.

Allan.

[fischermans]

Hello Alex
Absolut beautifull song.I love the song he is so light.Your voice is nice too.
Only the oh oh from the chorus can be sung a bit higher and louder for my opinion to define the chorus better from the verse.You may sing "And oh oh this love .... and put the accent on the word and.
Regards Alexander

[habiTat]

Wow this is lovely, just my sort of thing.

I don't think the final version will need much adding, just a better quality recording will do it I think, it's beautiful on it's own and is more than capable of carrying itself without too much instrumentation.

Be sure to post the finished version, I'd love to hear it.

hab..

[montydog]

Gorgeous song, beautifully played and sung. Gentle, tasteful guitar part. No suggestions on how to improve it - it's perfect as it is already. Wow 

[Neil C]

Lovely guitar intro. Nice vocals and sound. Pretty current to.
I agree with the comment about the chorus, it needs to be lifted somehow. Maybe second guitar harmonies or cello.
Nice ending too. Look forward to hearing it when its finished
 
Neil   

[Boydie]

This is really nice songwriting!

The message is simple, direct and well delivered

The guitar part is really nice and I am hearing a bit of Ed Sheeran in the vocal - but with just the right amount of uniqueness to not be a "copy"

I can definitely hear a "growing" arrangement where it starts with just guitar & vocal, then the bass, then some subtle strings, then a light beat

For me the only thing you are missing is a bit of contrast between the different sections

The arrangement will help this but I think you could "build in" that contrast with the playing/melody etc. at this stage

This is already very very good and I can't wait to hear where you go with it

Lovely stuff!

[man of simple pleasures]

nice little tune, i like the wee guitar bits!

[ColinMcDonald]

love the voice,
Dnno if it's just me, but a little to much High end on the Vocals, but totally manageable.
I like the lyrical vision.
id like to here some big drums, not really a drum beat, but Toms spaced about for emphasis, maybe even a timpani.
If your interested, i could put some production on this..PM me!

Colin

[darreldo]

I wouldnt do anything with this song, otherthan make a proper recording this time round, i don't think it needs drums, bass or anything. this song is made for just guitar and vocal. the lyrics and your voice is strong enough to do so.
good work, well done.

[S.T.C]

very nice Alex..agree with the comments from our esteemed members....very contemporary and relevant
  to today's music scene,  

[OldMan]

Hi alexmo, nice guitar nice vocal, very current.  You don't need as much effect on your vocal, keep it intimate and when you finally record it you need to have much more light and shade because it's all on the same level, very good

OldMan

[AlexMo]

Thanks everyone for the feedback! Means a lot to me that you all liked it.

love the voice,
Dnno if it's just me, but a little to much High end on the Vocals, but totally manageable.
I like the lyrical vision.
id like to here some big drums, not really a drum beat, but Toms spaced about for emphasis, maybe even a timpani.
If your interested, i could put some production on this..PM me!

Colin

Thanks for the feedback. What do you mean by too much 'high end' on the vocals? Do you mean that the melody is too high-pitched? Or too high for my vocal range? Or is it a production term?

Interesting thoughts as to a beat, I'd be interested to hear what that would sound like. I really appreciate the offer, although I have no means of recording this in any reasonable quality any time soon. My plan is to have a recording session at some point in the future when I've written enough songs to make a demo.

[PhilipQ]

You have a genuinely excellent song started here.  The only thing that is a bit confusing in the lyric is when you seem to switch the narrative from talking to the person who is trying to do the breaking up and the one who is being broken up with.  Maybe it's just me, but are the verses and the chorus sung to the same person?

[Revolver]

Yeah I vote for leave it as it is,

I love these lyrics;

and if the clouds start roaring but the rivers turn to ash,
and you're stumbling in the dark for a dream you'll never catch,