[calmlondon]

Got these two verses for a song, but struggling with any chorus and melody.  Any ideas of where I could take it? It's about alienation in society, and within a relationship. being lost and so on. 


Verse
The sound of the town
is drowning out our song.
Can you feel your way along,
this concrete Babylon?
As ghosts walk by
in search of the life they were promised.
I am dust,
with nothing to settle upon.

Chorus

Verse
Out side the seasons come and go,
they chase the colours of the sun.
I won't stay here, I won't remain here
where you left me free falling.
Like leaves on the ground,
waiting for your steps upon me.
I am dust, and you can't set me down.

Chorus

Bridge/Mid 8
Caught up in a whirlwind that's taking me,
taking me to places I can't write postcards from.

[S.T.C]

Funny you have 2 verses like this... usually i have a title or the hooky part of the chorus to work  from...hmm,it`s doable but will need a new perspective ...needs a story attached to it ,real or imagined .......

[Dead Weight]

Ok CalmLondon, I'm going to stick my neck out here

Proposed Chorus:

Take the town down, take the town down-down
Because I ain't coming around
You let me down, you let me down-down-down
And now I'm dirt on the ground

Hope this is along the lines you're taking 

[fischermans]

Ok here are my 50 cent.

lot of people pass by every day
lot of people but no one want to stay
there are so many unknown faces
running headless all arround
in a city where
clouds kissing the ground

Regards Alexander

[calmlondon]

Some nice lines guys. I need to sort out my direction for the track a bit better. Will park for now, but consider your lines when I pick up the guitar sometime soon.

[calmlondon]

Hi guys,

I worked out a chorus for this track in the end -sort of. Thanks for your advice all the same. I got a basic demo.



https://soundcloud.com/michelleapatrick/prodigal-son-work-in-progress

[Neil C]

Miche, I can see where you're taking it, the chorus has an enhanced melody over the verse chords, which is a smart thing to do. I particularly liked the pre-chorus.
My initial reaction was the chorus sounded slight frantic with your super vocalists trying to get lots of words "as if I never had a home" into that first line compared to the pace and meter of the rest of the song. By the 2nd time I was more used to it.  And by the end when we to the acapella [ reminded me of the 80's band the Christians ] I was smiling and humming along... Maybe start the song with it?
Interesting to hear how it turns out.

Neil