[Sing4me88]

Haven't wrote much from scratch lately (mainly been tweaking older stuff)but here's a 'new' one. I've tried to move away from bubblegum stuff to try something more serious and have tried to come up with a power Pop ballad type duet like Stay by Rihanna/Miki Eko and Beneath by Emelie Sande and Labyrinth. Song looks at the tendency to look back on failed relationships with rose tainted spectacles and the folly in remembering the 'good' while overlooking the 'bad'.

As always feedback welcome

White lies (Talking walls) ©Hearty 2013
V1

I find it hard to remember the way you used to make me feel,
Was it good, was it bad, did anyone really care?
And was it fast or was it slow, was there electricity in the air?
Maybe I was dreaming or maybe it was real,
Oh maybe it was real

PC
Was it good, was it good,
Once upon a time,
Was it good, was it good,
In this fantasy of mine

C
If these walls could talk what would they say,
What would they say about you and I?
Would they say we were lovers made for one another,
Or would they say that was just a lie?
Just white lies

V2
These walls can talk and lately I thought I heard them say,
We had good times with bad along the way,
Talked ‘bout days spent laughing, other days spent crying,
You know it’s true, don’t deny it,
Oh don’t deny it

B/M8
And that’s how our story closes,
Cos it was no bed of roses

PC
It was good, it was good,
Some of the time,
It was bad, it was bad,
Too I should remind

C
If these walls could talk what would they say,
What would they say about you and I?
Would they say we were lovers made for one another,
Or would they say that was just a lie?
Just white lies

Outro
We were lovers resenting one another,
We wore smiles to hide the lies,
That’s what they say about you and I

[Mr.Chainsaw]

I like

Pop ballads tend to be cliche in theme. Looking back and thinking it was good when it was not feels pretty fresh, and its pretty "human" too. We all have that mate that just doesn't "see" what's wrong with their relationship when everyone else can

You said rose "tainted" glasses in you spiel; the correct term is rose tinted. But "rose tainted" is an awesome turn of phrase! You should definitely work that into the song some how. It'd make an unusual and strong line

The mid 8 line "cos it was no bed of roses" came across a bit bland. Ballads need a bit of drama, you know? Maybe something like "theres thorns in our bed of roses"?

White lies is same same as above. A white lie implies its a little fib to make someone feel better about themself. A BLACK lie would imply something far, far worse. And again, no ones ever used that expression before

I really liked the outro. Again its real; people talk about other peoples bad relationships. It also wraps up the story nicely

If this is your first new one in a while, then definately keep that momentum going! I really like this

Peter

[BooBoo]

I really like this. I think  my favourite part was "and that's how our story closes, coz it was no bed of roses" but with what Mr Chainsaw said, I think that could make it even stronger. Even with the black lie, I think that would sound very good. Keep it up :p

[Sing4me88]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Some great suggestions and I'll try to incorporate them into this one when it comes to turning these lyrics into a 'song'.

[postmn]

 "And that’s how our story closes,
Cos it was no bed of roses"

Brilliant line for me,brought up some imagery,really good lyrics, you put on punch on your first Verse, leading people in, if this gets music to it, put it up for us.

Keep Em Coming.